How can I help a friend through depression without being affected myself?

[ChloeU]

Hello, I'm Chloe, and I have turned 15 recently.

 

I have a close friend who is consistently down and sad, and I fear she might fall into the state of depression. She talks to me every so often, and it is only getting worse by the sounds of it. I can't seem to do any more than conversing with her. Knowing that sadness is an emotion while depression is an illness, I'd rather it be the former than the latter. But seeing the consistency of sadness eating her inside, I can't help but fear for her. The worst part is that there is no anger - only pain. She blames herself for being emotional and everything that goes with it. If she keeps this up, I fear she will fall into the state of depression, and everything could potentially become so much worse if that happens.

 

As if that's not enough, there is another problem. Being a close, understanding friend, I can't help but feel sad and sorry for her. And it's becoming overpoweringly overwhelming. I know I have to be there for her, but if I constantly get affected by it and fall into the same abyss, what help could I be?

 

Is there any way to help a friend through depression while preventing myself from being affected too?

 

Any response, advice, comment and/or similar story/situation will be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for reading through my troublesome thread and I look forward to your response!

[SooSad33]

Yes, it can be painful to see a friend deal with depression.

it's great you are 'there for her', but you do need to remember, there is only so much you can do. The rest she needs to do- to deal with this.

I highly suggest you talk with her and suggest she get's some therapy/psychiatrist. The sooner she acts on this the better things can improve a bit with her.

Also, she needs to talk with her doctor about her 'condition' and see what the dr suggests. She or you don't want her to go any 'lower' i'm sure.

 

It sounds like you do know and understand a fair bit about depression. That's good!

Just do what you can to be there to 'listen' but don't let yourself go down too. If you have to, take a break away from it all.

Understand it is an 'illness' and it can be managed. It will bring a person down but they can also learn to live with it.

 

Doesn't mean YOU have to ruin yourself over it though. Don't let it do that.

As long as she is acting on her 'illness' and looks at seeking some help with it, she should be okay. You now, just need to stand back.. be respectful and let it take it's course. Understanding there's not a lot you can do other than be there now n then for her.

 

Make sure YOU as well are getting out there and living YOUR own life. She'll just have to keep at her 'attempt' to deal with things, on her own.

I've lived with it and not a lot anyone can do for me. I have to deal with it.

Yes, it can be emotional, yes it can be frustrating but it can be okay. We have our 'moods' etc, but we are also still able to 'smile' too.

 

Go for a walk with her.. get out and about a bit. How about a hike? A trip to the mall. A park.. just some good, quiet, down time. A break away from 4 walls she see's all the time.

 

Good luck.. good of you for being a good friend.

[bakadesuka]

I have several friends with depression , one was actually in hospital for a while because of it , Its never easy for them, and its upsetting but not everyday is a challange, the biggest thing that will help your friendship is if you DON'T TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY! at first i think it was hard not to take things personally like if my mate was like i don't want to hang out I am too upset, or when talking to them and they are just not in the mood your like oh damn am I boring them, and when my friend was in hospital the guilt was unreal like i could've helped her, when really noone could've and for a long time it made me insecure and down being around my friendsbut when they say stuff like thanks for listening then you know they appreciate it. One thing that usually helps me is to get out do my own thing hang with other friends , it kinda refreshes you a little, and don't try to take on her problems, listen be empathetic and caring but dont try to solve them, you will never win that battle its in her head you need to realise this is something she must struggle with alone, you can of course make her feel better by listening hanging out and doing fun things, remever but depression isn't like sadness, just because you do something fun and she had fun also doesn't mean her depression is cured. she might still feel awful the next day, but doing fun things will benefit you. Sometimes a good cry is whats needed, If you know the person well enough it becomes its own balance =) and you will know what to do.never say stuff like pull yourself together or underexagerate what they are going through it makes them feel worse the fact they share anything at all with you shows how much they trust you