Female Friends

[Cynder]

A little background... I have pretty much all male friends. I had one really close female friend move a thousand miles away last summer. She and I were like sisters. I still have contact with her via the phone and the net, but it's not quite the same for obvious reasons. Since she moved to Florida, I have been looking for another girl to fill that void. My guy friends are great, but I miss having a girl to hang with.

 

So the problem is, I have trouble talking to women. For some reason I fear they will think I'm gay if I try to befriend them. (Not saying there is anything wrong with being gay.) Either that or they may just think I'm weird.

 

There have been a few girls over the last few months I have tried to become friends with... ONe girl I met at college gave me a ride home a few times. She even came in my apartment and hung out with my Hubby and I for a bit. One night she called me and invited me to a party at her place, but it was very short notice and my husband and I already had other obligations for the evening. So I told her I couldn't make it. She hasn't talked to me since.

 

This one confuses me even more. I met this girl online who is from my town. We have loads in common, (both wine conosours (spelling probably wrong), bit horror nuts, both heavey metal fans, etc. I was really happy when I met her because I figured she would be easy to make friends with because I felt so comfortable talking to her online. We would have these great online chats with never a stail moment. One day (about the thrid or fourth time I talked to her) I made the mistake of asking if she might like to meet for coffee sometime. She became very silent and signed off soon thereafter. I have talked to her since online, but she isn't as friendly as she was. I actually ran into her by chance in town once, so I know she's really who she says she is.

 

I just don't know why I can't make female friends. Any advice, opinions, thoughts would help a lot. Maybe someone could even tell me what I am doing wrong here.

[Alabama]

I have had the same problem. I have a lot of male friends, but can't seem to really make that many female friends. Yet I've come to a conclusion. Girls and guys are the same. I don't act differently around girls, the same with guys. As long as you are yourself, you should be fine. So don't worry. You're not doing anything wrong. Good luck!

[Mentor]

Could it be because you are married, and you are trying to make friends with single women? I am single, and I never really feel as comfortable with my married friends. Kind of like a third wheel, and our lifestyles are different.

 

Maybe try to befriend another married couple. A package deal

[xmrth]

I have the same problem. I think the same as you as well if they will think I'm gay.

 

I just recently made a best friend (another female of course).. someone who kind of seemed like they were avoiding me in a way. Then one day I just said "Hey you want to hang out sometime?" and we have been hanging out and calling eachother all the time.

 

With the girl who invited you and your hubby over, but you couldn't make it, you should just go and invite her over and try to get together. She might think you're a flake from when you cancelled and that's why she kind of backed off.

 

About the other one who you asked to hang out with you.. that's just one person. Don't let her set you back.

 

Think initiative!

[Cynder]

Could it be because you are married, and you are trying to make friends with single women? I am single, and I never really feel as comfortable with my married friends. Kind of like a third wheel, and our lifestyles are different.

 

Maybe try to befriend another married couple. A package deal

 

Actually the girl I met online is married, and the girl I met at college was in a long term relationship. But I do understand what you are saying. I just didn't mention in my post that they weren't exactly single.

[Carnatic]

Seems interesting that you think that girls would take your being friendly as sexual attraction. As a guy I (for more obvious reasons) sometimes think the same thing. Could it maybe be that you have so little experience having female friends and so much with hanging out with guy friends that you are seeing relationships from a more and more guy-centric point of view, and end up thinking exactly the same thing about forming realtionships with girls that I do.

[Cynder]

You could be right. Could also be because I've had women approach me who I thought were trying to be my friends, and it turned out they were lesbians and hitting on me.

 

Since this thread was posted, however, I have found one good female friend. The girl I met online that I mentioned in this post and I have become very close. Our husbands even have become friends.

[Carnatic]

That's good to hear. i'm glad it all worked out.