Seeing my Ex for the holiday.. mutual friend bind

[jgrissom]

My ex and I had a rough breakup, but a great relationship. It ended without much notice, and a few mean words from him ( he fell out of love with me... my words) He is still in the possesion of my stuff too. It has been a month since I have tried to contact him.. his last response was impolitely " your stuff is in the mail".

 

My problem is we have a mutual friend who has an Christmas eve party, and she doesn't want to count one of us out...but he doesnt want to have anything to do with me, an dI don't think I am ready to see him. If I don't go to this dinner, I will be left out.. and the night will suck... all because of my ex.

 

But if I go and he shows too, things will definitely be uncomfortable. He may even go as far as treating me disrespectfully. I can handle being nice to him.. seeing that I was the dumpee, and I am a bit older too. I will say merry christmas and smile, then move to someone else.. hopefully. But since the breakup.. he is nothing but disappointing surprises.

 

What should I do? Should I just bail on the dinner? How can I talk to my friend and make her feel better about being in the middle? I mean there is no real way... to feel good about it. But what can I do so she isn't in the middle anymore? What do you guys think the right thing to do is?

[JT]

Im kind of in the same situation and dont know what to do either. Although I was the dumper and its been 8 months. I have'nt seen much of this group of friends and she's now dating another guy in the group so you can see my greivances. I have'nt seen her since but wondering what I should do. I talked to some other people about this who seem to think she's controlling my life still... but its hard to let go, even after all this time. So I defenitely understand. For you I'd explain to your friend that this makes you uncomfortable and see what happens. Its really about where their loyalty lies. For me they chose her in a sense, so you can see why i'm so bitter about the whole thing.

[jgrissom]

I don't think it is right for me to ask her to choose. She would feel awful doing so anyways. I just wish there was some way that I could talk to him before hand and ease the tension, so when we see eachother at the dinner things will be fine. Unfortunately he had it in his head when we broke up that he doesn't want to be friends with me... that isn't why he broke up. He broke up because he wanted me out of his life.