yet another question for the girls

[angrybeaver]

i am just looking for some opinions on dating and friendship. say you are good friends with a guy who you have a bunch incommon with and generaly like to hang out with....ect. would it be weird and awkward if the guy told you that he had developed feelings for you more so then just friendship......and if so would it hurt the friendship.

[sisterlynch]

It almost never works when a long-time friendship turns into dating. If there is a spark, then the spark is there right from the beginning. If you change the rules now it will look like you are feeling insecure.

[SilverManic]

friendship is how a relationship starts. But I'd speak to her and say you do like her, but don't want to ruin your friendship. See how she feels. It may be that she feels the same way and is worried about messing up the friendship, or it may be that she just wants to be friends. It might be best to let her say something first.

[sisterlynch]

Tell us more about her personality, how long have you known her?

 

What kinds of things do the two of you talk about?

 

If you lost her as a friend, then what?

[1strdko]

I just told my friend that I have developed strong feelings for her and she told me in not so many words that we can only be friends.

 

I gave her a nice hug on the cheek, as I always do, at the gym and she got upset. She told me that I need to know my limits. OUCH.

 

I appologized and she told me that she was just starting to "trust me."

 

I work out with every day and treat her like a goddes. I have taken her to nice dinners out and have been there for her at the drop of the dime when she has needed help. In some way I feel like she is using me because I go the extra mile to do nice things for her.

 

For example, we had lunch with her grandmother and I was told that she was feeling sad, so I brought her flower. Her grandmother asked me how I picked out such beautiful flower and I told her I just thought about her granddaughter. I got another uncomfortable stare. OUCH.

 

Needless, to say.....The advice I have been given was to play it by ear, tell her how you feel, accept the fact that you may only be friends and don't be an as and ruin what you have.

 

I am accepting the fact that I may only be a good friend and a shoulder to cry on when my special friend is sad but I have to accept my role as friend. I am very attracted to her and find it hard to fight my feelings but her presense is a positive force in my life.

 

Good luck!

[Roasted Carrots]

Well to me this doesn't sound like your usual "crush on a friend" situation...it sounds to me like your friend has been really hurt by someone in the past and you're the first guy she's let into her life so far.

 

She said you need to "know your limits"...that struck me as sort of odd. Has she been sexually abused in the past? The fact that her grandmother also gave you a Look suggests that her past is something she has told her grandmother about.

 

If she has been hurt, then it is a very delicate subject, and you need to approach it carefully. Best case scenario: she tells you what happened on her terms. Worst case scenario: You pressure her into telling you her deep dark secrets.

 

Of course, this is only a theory, and I could be completely wrong. If I am, then it sounds like your friend is setting up "friend" boundaries that she wants you to respect. Either way, a talk is in order.

 

Good luck!

[angrybeaver]

i have a feeling i already know what the answer is =(......i have known her for about 2 years.....we go to the movies together all the time, sometimes to the bar or something but mainly just hang out......she is very easy to get along with funny and a dumb sense of humour like me lol......i donno when she went to go get her nose peirced she called me.....to go with her....i donno we are just good friends......i would hate to ruin that and i would rather be her friend then nothing at all......but it is hard just not knowing =S

[PavPPZ1]

angrybeaver, I guess if you know her for over 2 years, and she is not interested in more then friendship, could mean she is not ready for that with you for whatever reason. That doesnt mean its compeletely out of the question, all it takes is something to change the way she views you, its obvious you two are already close, you share common interests, she enjoys spending time with you etc etc.. The only problem is she is used to having you as a friend and hasnt any other way to view you but as a friend. thereforeeee you need to do something, you need to do something that will change her outlook on you.

 

There are few ways to do this, but somehow you need to test the limits. The best way would be to find a girlfriend, and she would possibly get jealous and develop those feelings for you. Although its not the healthiest way to go about it since you already have feelings for her, and if she changes her feelings for you you might rather stay with the girlfriend you find.

 

Although any affection you show her now will be interpreted as friendship. Her reaction towards your nice ways and compliments are taken with a touch of hostility because she is not viewing you as anything more then a friend, she interprets this as a way of you changing things on her without her consent. She doesnt have control over your feelings and actions, so when you treat her other then in the way a friend would she doesnt like it.

 

Lastly there is a limit to what you should take before you realize you are building yourself up for a huge and painful downfall. You need to create space for your self now, before she finds a boyfriend and its going to tare you appart. Eventhough you say you are friends you obviously have more intimate feelings for her. I would strongly suggest mind over matter, do things for yourself, go work out, meet other girls do something to take your mind off of her.

 

She may be a friend but she wont hesitate for a second when she finds a guy she likes. Either you change the way she views you or you create a little space man, cuz you are on a path of being hurt, I dont know how strong of a guy you are, but it seems like you might have a hard time getting over it... so my advice is: Be a man, get some space between the two of you, and try to find yourself a girlfriend who will want more then friendship between the two of you.

 

The best way to avoid this is to never try to create a friendship between you and a girl, who you are attracted to.

[angrybeaver]

i have been doing alot of thinking recently......and i am pretty sure i will just stick with just friends.......at least for now. i guess you could call it the wait and see aproach. however i am not going to put my life on hold just waiting around if another oppertunity comes along i will take it......not just to make her feel jelous that would not be fair to anyone involved. i dont know if i will ever fully get over her but who knows if the planets align in just the right way there may be a "we" but as of right now i am content with being good friends and dont want to risk that. thanks for everyones imput it has helped me sort alot of stuff out.