NC vs Closure: How to heal?

[brucewayne]

Thanks again guys, really. Part of this theory came from a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago, who met an ex who dumped him by text. They met up a couple of years later and she apologised and he forgave her. He told me it felt like a weight had been lifted. I thought maybe I could orchestrate that situation for myself, but things are probably too fresh.

 

Your comments are all helping me to rationalise the situation and I'm going to take all your advice and not email her, at least not now anyway. I need to feel like I'm getting over this till I even consider to do that (and don't worry I'll run any future decisions past ENA). I suppose the reality is, that when I'm getting over it and beginning to feel happy again, I wont need to hear her excuses to have closure. I won't forget what she did, I just won't care..... hopefully.

 

 

 

Jonyyy as you know, my ex cut me out my life and never told me the truth. After reading about your situation I realise it's probably for the best. The breakup was horrific in how cruel she went about it and so I'd like to think that this is why I have felt, and still feel, awful. But like many people have said to me, the way she went about it shows just what kind of person she really was, and in time I'll be able to digest that. I never saw that side of her and so that has been the most confusing thing about the situation. I guess I never really knew her.

 

The first few months have been awful but because of that I have absolutely no false hope that our relationship is in anyway salvageable. She's out my life, for good. End of. Perhaps because of this the healing process will be painful but relatively short compared to more long, drawn out breakups where the ex is in contact, trying to explain him/herself, leaving bread crumbs etc...

 

I hope some of you agree with this? I know everyone is different, but I'd like to hear all your thoughts regardless. Thanks again.

[jonyyy]

yeah she did what she thought was best for her, and humans are good at rationalizing what they feel is good for them.

 

Especially weak character humans, they flip flop. Before, my Ex used to hate cheaters, hated people who weren't confidant, who did such thinks, said she could never ever do something like that, it was against everything that she believed.

 

But after she did it and re arranged her perception of the world and people's actions she basically switched her mindset into, well as it turns out eveyone can be awful and do awful things, everyone. It's normal, people make mistakes, it not mean I'm not a great girl with great values. LOL Hearing this from her was sooooo hard and disapointing. At that moment I realised I lost her completely.

 

 

Thanks again guys, really. Part of this theory came from a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago, who met an ex who dumped him by text. They met up a couple of years later and she apologised and he forgave her. He told me it felt like a weight had been lifted. I thought maybe I could orchestrate that situation for myself, but things are probably too fresh.

 

Your comments are all helping me to rationalise the situation and I'm going to take all your advice and not email her, at least not now anyway. I need to feel like I'm getting over this till I even consider to do that (and don't worry I'll run any future decisions past ENA). I suppose the reality is, that when I'm getting over it and beginning to feel happy again, I wont need to hear her excuses to have closure. I won't forget what she did, I just won't care..... hopefully.

 

 

 

Jonyyy as you know, my ex cut me out my life and never told me the truth. After reading about your situation I realise it's probably for the best. The breakup was horrific in how cruel she went about it and so I'd like to think that this is why I have felt, and still feel, awful. But like many people have said to me, the way she went about it shows just what kind of person she really was, and in time I'll be able to digest that. I never saw that side of her and so that has been the most confusing thing about the situation. I guess I never really knew her.

 

The first few months have been awful but because of that I have absolutely no false hope that our relationship is in anyway salvageable. She's out my life, for good. End of. Perhaps because of this the healing process will be painful but relatively short compared to more long, drawn out breakups where the ex is in contact, trying to explain him/herself, leaving bread crumbs etc...

 

I hope some of you agree with this? I know everyone is different, but I'd like to hear all your thoughts regardless. Thanks again.

 

Yeah sure, if you can already see her and remember her with her true colors then it will be easier to move on. Just don't forget that are many dimensions when healing from a BU. So if you feel stuck at some point you have to figure out what it's about.