Almost a year, broken up. Advice?

[dietpepsi]

Hi all, I'm looking for some thoughts on my situation.

 

We started dating almost a year ago, things were wonderful, like really really wonderful. This girl was head over heels for me and I her.

as time went on, some routine seeped in which can always cause a little stress. I know I am guilty of not keeping things on their toes, being excited as I should have.

But also, we were getting very serious, she had explained she wanted marriage, kids and all that to me, and she seemed to have a hard time seeing it. I tried to tell her that

I did want those things, and I do, but just not right now, she actually agreed that she did not want it all right now but she always had a hard time knowing if I was on the same page.

and I wasn't spending all the time with her that I needed to, this was a big issue with the space I know.

 

In December she asked for a break, that she needed space to figure things out, we talked for a bit, and I told her if that's what she needs then ok. We didn't speak for 4-5 days then she called me to tell me

she loved me and we got back together. Things were going great for a while, in Mid January I decided that after the break I didn't need to mess around any longer, I knew what I wanted and I started looking

at rings and planning a proposal in the summer. She broke up with me about two weeks ago, she had become off and on distant. Sometimes she would say "you know I really love you" out of the blue, and then some days she would be distant and just "not there" I sensed something was coming but didnt know what to do.

 

She said she was scared to let me go, but agreed that she had not been all there all the time mentally, but she had seen how hard I've been working and it is not fair to me like this.

She said I think we should break up, after this only happening two months ago i couldn't do anything else but agree that we should be apart now.

So we didn't talk for a few days. I dropped by to give her some of her stuff 5 days later, which wasn't awkward at all. We we're laughing and cracking jokes and having a good time, She said I've been so level headed throughout this, it means a lot to her. When i went to leave she came up to me and hugged me and said "I love you" and I said i loved her and I left. She still has my stuff, she hadn't prepared it all for me, but never mentioned giving it back at any point, even after I returned her stuff. I'm not worried about it, just wondering what that means.

We ended up texting a little bit more that night, to which i started to lose my composure and said things like "I promise I can do this, is this what you really want, I never want to be away from you again, I love you so much" etc etc, I wasn't begging her to stay, just think about things while we were broken up. Just the mood struck me and I broke down a little. She said "I loved you so much. so so much, you'll never understand"

 

The next day we were texting a little, and I asked Are you still in love me with that she could be honest, She said that she doesn't know, she knows she really cares about me, but she said she needs some alone time right now.

 

The real kicker is I feel like a big problem is her feeling a lack of commitment on my part, but of course now I can't tell her that I was planning to propose in the summer. I just dont know what to do.

When i saw her she said loves, later that night over text she said loved, the next day in text she said "I don't know, but I know I really care about you"

She never brought up the possibility of being friends (which usually is the kiss of death in my history) I definitely didn't either.

 

Any thoughts or advice on this?

She came back once, but this time it feels different. I only wish she knew what I had planned, but at this point it would seem like a "desperation tactic" and the sentiment would be lost.

We haven't spoken after seeing each other in 4-5 days.

[dietpepsi]

I do want her back, but does anything listed above make you think it may happen? Or is this twice in 2 1/2 months and I need to call it quits at this point.

[Ms Darcy]

Within one year you have had two breakups. And she has even acknowledged how hard you had been working on this.

 

In my opinion, this is moreso about her than you. I think like many women she is struggling with two ideas: wanting marriage and wanting "Mr Right." Ideally, you would marry Mr Right, but as you get older you worry that Mr. Right won't come along before your eggs dry up. If she was being distant, I don't think her feelings were there anymore. I suspect her love for you really died during that first break up, she got back with you because of missing you and not because the issues were resolve, and here you are dumped again.

 

Best thing you can do is stay away. If she can run back to you when she's lonely, you are definitely not her Mr Right. And that back and forth will just make you feel worse.

[dietpepsi]

Perhaps you're right, if that's the case it really stings. I don't know, I don't get the feeling I'll ever hear from her again this time. I really don't, and that's killing me.

[sharky988]

I'm sorry and I know it's not what you want to hear, but it would be better for you if she left you alone at this point. Sadly, some dumpers are more concerned about making it easier on themselves and would rather risk confusing and hurting their exes rather than make a clean break so YOU heal.

 

Healing is what you need to focus on right now. Here's a guide that will help you: link removed