I said no

[missbritz]

so basically, I moved out 3 months ago, we still have ties financial and yes emotional (the emotional more on my part admitting) so yes we are still in daily contact and hence why after 2 weeks we 'reconciled' but of course we did not, he has been doing push pull thing, since I moved out just as he has always actually .

Anyway, it has come to a head where I cant take it anymore....I am mortified that I have let him pick the pieces off me since I have left, like take the good, spit out the bad like a bloody chicken leg!!!

well no more!

tonight he came over to drop off the last of my stuff (as he and his kids are finally moving out of our place this weekend), it doesn't feel weird as we have been in touch helping each other out with various things. I think that is why we stay connected and I don't want it anymore because of that. We have always had a great sex life, blah blah I hear you guys say, but it is true. even when things were wrong.

so he comes over and its obvious to me he wants to have sex (he wasn't overtly sexual I just know him) and I tell him

'you cannot come over and take pieces of me, you cannot come here and make everything ok in that way. Please have some respect for our relationship and what we once had dreams for, raising our kids together which we did for 2 years, I absolutely will not be relegated to this FWB thing!'

his answer?

he didn't understand what I meant?? he thought I was talking about REGULATIONS!!! and related it to construction??? hello?

wow!!! that was a clarifying moment for me. my friends and mum said I was too good for him. that I didn't believe this?

Look I don't care about smarter being smarter but he is a very street smart guy BUT STILL..

, but something we said before this ......and this was tonight.....I said to him I know you have been battling with these feelings for a while but you said you would try. but I think your version of trying was just STAYING!' he said that WAS trying. I said I don't think it is. and I finally just conceded and I said 'you know what? if you felt you really tried, who am I to say you didn't?...then thank you for trying'..

And I sent him on is way......and I feel really good about this because I feel I have been moving on and this is an absolute physical demonstration of this. I feel good

[mhowe]

Good for you!!

[Amy Brock]

That took a tremendous amount of strength and awareness. Good job.

[nutbrownhare]

Maintaining your dignity and self-respect in the face of someone else's game playing always feels wonderful. Incidentally, it's not at all unusual to have good sex in a relationship that's a train wreck otherwise - the tension builds up and up because of everything else that's going wrong, and sex releases that tension. It doesn't mean much more than that.

 

Remember that feeling of keeping your boundaries and not letting other people use you, and how self-affirming it is - it'll stand you in good stead in future life!

[missbritz]

Thanks all, I felt real good about this and I know in my heart its right and I took a step forward and feel great about respecting myself so why do I feel like poop today? why!!! why am I hurting?

he said to me today that he has never used me for sex, he respects me and we don't have to have sex anymore and that I deserve more then that and that he will still help me when I need and nothing has changed in that regard.

I should be feeling awesome but instead....I dunno. just so sad.

[mhowe]

"We don't have to have sex anymore"...really? How magnanimous of him.

I think you feel lousy because you are finally seeing how clueless he is/was.

[missbritz]

I know mhowe right?!!!!

He told me that I am not so easy to lose!! Huh! Thanks but I WAS easy to lose and let go because here I am and there you are and heres me like an idiot just giving him all my love (still) emotional support (still) sex (still) and hanging out having good times (still) without him having any of the responsibilities of a relationship and the accountability that goes with that.

I feel like such an idiot!!! why am I directing this anger at me? I know what I have to do, I have to stop seeing him (very difficult at the moment though). this is like the longest drawn out break up in the world!!