Friend says he hates your personality

[elua6c1607306435]

I have a friend at university and we used to be really close. We lived next door to each other and told each other pretty much everything. I'm on holiday from university at the moment but towards the end of term, he and I seemed to be growing more distant and he said that I'd really changed. However, none of my other friends have noticed anything really. I have started to go out more and have become more confident and gained more friends but apart from that... Anyway, at the beginning of the holiday we had some large arguments over yahoo and he said I'd really hurt him and still insisted I'd changed. We then didn't speak for 8 weeks because he said he needed space. We're talking again now but I feel he doesn't respect me at all. He said he dislikes my entire personality but yet still respects me and he said I was the type of person he would usually hate. I mean how can that work? However, he did say he can still trust me and wants to tell me things he can't tell anyone else. I'm just really confused and don't know what has gone wrong. Until now I just accepted it was all my fault but now know that it isn't and that he should accept me for who I am or not at all. I really want to save our friendship but I don't think he realises how much he's hurt me by saying all these things and I really can't understand how I've changed that much. He shouldn't be able to make me this unhappy but he does. I want things as they were.

[Upinmyhead]

This friend has made you continually uncomfortable and upset for months; would a friend do this? You've discussed the topic at length with him, so I would assume that without some sort of brain defect he's aware that you find this upsetting, yet he continues; would a friend do this? You've blamed yourself for causing some problem you don't even see, which only one friend out of many has attacked you about, and you've put up with disrespect and criticism for simply being yourself; would a friend do this?

 

My initial reaction would be to say "You're not my friend." I understand that you did once enjoy your friendship with this person, but that was then, and this is now. Now won't ever be like then, I hate to say it. Your relationship with this person now needs to end, for your own good. I realise that's not very comforting, but it doesn't sound like this person gives you much pleasure in life. Friends accept you for who you are, they don't demand you fit their needs and wants. Treasure the good times you had and inform this person that they've hurt you a lot, you've tried to accommodate them but they won't stop hurting you, and you don't need to sustain a friendship with a person who isn't acting as a friend should.

 

You have many, many other friends. If they make you happy, they are the people who should mean the most to you. You're lucky in that you have a big group of friends who don't make demands of you, and appreciate you for who you are.

[UnSweetMe]

it sounds to me like you gave it space and then gave it another try. but maybe you're just moving in different directions now. sometimes it can be sad when friendships end, but he seems to be just hurting you all the time now. my knee-jerk reaction to your post was to say, move on from the friendship. but i admit that's kind of cold. but maybe you just need to keep a little more distance between you now and then.

i think it's really not a nice thing at all the way he's giving you a hard time.