Need Advice Immediately: Don't know how to Break up

[confusedgirl58]

Hi. Thanks for taking time out to read this. I need help! badly.

 

I've been in a relationship with a guy for 5 years and 3 months now. He loves me to death. The kind of love you see in movies and read about in books. I know he's the type of guy who will love me till my last breath and always be loyal.

 

But love is not enough. I want to break up with him. I love him too but I can't continue this relationship.

 

I was 18 when I started going out with him and I'm 23 now. I am a completely different person now.

 

My 'type of guy' has changed and he's not my type. He's a big introvert and can't even speak english property (he's from India). We both met in India and he moved here. I was born here in Canada but went to live in India for some time where I met him and then moved back (we are both of the same religion and background though).

 

I can't stay with him. He loves me and I really care about him too but he's just not sophisticated and lacks class. His personality is dull and boring and he lacks confidence. he can't even have a conversation with anyone and he's scared to talk to 'white' people because he doesn't even know english. His chats are full of grammatical mistakes and that's a big turn off. I'm embarrassed of him.

 

It's been a long distance relationship for us form the beginning. I know that no guy would be in a long distance relationship for 5 years if he didn't truly love the girl but I need more. I mean we never meet or anything. Never celebrate valentines day/birthdays. We only meet 3 times a year.

 

In these 5 years of us being together I've never received any flowers, chocolates . nothing. On my birthday he gives me a card. ONly a card. I think that's really cheap and such a turn off. I on the other hand have always gotten him so many presents from my travels to other countries. Who gives someone just a card for their birthday?! See. he lacks sophistication!

 

I don't care if I marry someone without money or looks. I don't want all that. I simply want an educated guy who knows how to dress up and live life. Someone who is outgoing and talented like me.

 

Now I have 4 problems:

 

1) I can't break up with him. I've been trying to break up with him for the past 10 months! Every time I try he becomes very emotional and starts asking me what did I do wrong. And says things like you'll never find someone like me who will love you so much. He just makes me emotional and I feel bad for him and so we continue like normal afterwards. I don't break up because I feel bad for him!

 

2) I do love him and I wonder that if I break up with him will he survive without me? he probably won't. That makes me feel very guilty. I start crying because I know I'm hurting him and I really do love him a lot and I don't want him to suffer. If I break up with him he will never love someone again or ever be happy and I know he will cry continuously for many many months.

 

3) I also feel that I might not get anyone like him again. Karma might get back at me and I'll never find anyone who truly loves me and I might end up making a big mistake.

 

4) I also think that if I leave him what if he changes and becomes amazing all of a sudden and gets some amazing girl and I regret everything and think that I could have been in place of her.

 

The only reason why i can't break up is because I feel sorry for him and I can't put him through months of depression and ruin his entire life. ANd also because I think I might not get anyone who truly loves me the way he does and that karma will ruin it all for me. But am I really doing something bad? I mean I ever swore at him or cheated on him. I've just changed a lot.

[misssmithviii]

Staying with him out of pity is not only hindering yourself but it's hindering him as well. You don't seem to be thinking about his best interests, only about how breaking up with him affects you... how guilty you feel, how you might regret it if he suddenly turns out to be everything you've ever wanted (which if he hasn't done that, chances are he won't because nothing's changed like it would if you two broke up), and how much you pity him. You shouldn't stay in a relationship with somebody you don't respect or admire, in my opinion.

 

He deserves better from you. Be the bigger person and let him find somebody else who loves him the way he loves that person - that isn't you. The longer you stay with him, the longer you're keeping him from that happiness and keeping him in this cycle that's unhealthy for you both.

 

I hope you make the right choice for both of your sakes, and don't let him talk you out of it.

[angelfish6328]

First of all, for yours and his sake I would suggest to not make it any longer. You are not only hurting yourself but you are making it super hard for him. It is unfair to him that you feel the way that you do and the longer it gets the worse it will be for him. It'll take a long time to recover but I think that it's better if he doesn't suffer much longer if you really want to break up with him.