Our relationship has reached the crossroads

[vospie]

Basically, there are way too many twists and turns in our relationship story to go into and one detail above all others will just dominate, so I'm keeping this to the most basic of our problems.

 

My girl told me last week that she has 'run out of love for me'. If that's the case, I would go. I like her and we have been through so much together, it feels I can't imagine her not being there somewhere but for years, I have not been able to say, know, believe that I love her. I know I don't love her enough to feel like she's all I need to be happy, there's always something missing, despite having her. The problem is, we have two kids: a 14 year old and a 13 month old. I'm a devoted dad. I don't want to father them from a distance so I will stay in the relationship primarily for that reason. However, now that she no longer feels a love for me, being together is going to be difficult and I don't know what to do, except ignore it and maintain the status quo for the sake of the kids.

 

She gets on with my family but her family don't like me. It's mainly my fault because I did something that got me into a whole lot of trouble. It affected her family deeply but she stuck by me and we had that second child that she really wanted. I think now she has the child, there's nothing else in me to love so she wanted me to leave. She also finds it difficult to deal with the ongoing ramifications of my mistake and she wants a life where that is not an issue any longer.

 

I long to hug someone I truly adore and have that feeling that just after I've left them, I can't wait to see them again. If neither of us are getting that buzz in the relationship, maintaining it is gonna be so difficult, yet I can't see past the kids. I lost a bit of time with my first child and it has had some kind of effect on our relationship. I don't want the same thing to happen again with the second.

 

What's the best thing to do?

[emma34]

When it's comes to relationships and commitment...particularly when there are children involved, much of this depends on your personal values on FAMILY.

 

You say you do not want to lose time with your children again, as u did already with your first.

You do love her, although she is not your world so to speak.

There is lingering resentment from some earlier indiscretion on your part.

Your partner has told you has run out of love for you....but has not left you.

 

Do I think this is still salvageable? Yes.

 

And my personal opinion is that it is your duty as a father to do everything within your power to maintain this family in a positive way and not just run away to try to find something better because you screwed this up...seek counselling, try to reconnect with your partner, try to resolve things with her family, work through the hard parts and you may, and your children may thank you for this sacrifice later...

 

Only you can decide when it's time to leave her but one thing is clear from your post. She has not left you...yet you have one foot out the door already....perhaps she senses this and this is why she is falling out of love with you?