bostonsfinest2 Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 My ex broke up with me a month ago which was my fault as I was being unfair and dishonest. She recently sent me an email which I will paste.our year anniversary is on Valentine's day I got her a card abd something's.I feel terrible for what I put her through.do you think I should drop the things off or just continue no contact.I plan to stay no contact either way.here's the email she sent me . If I never went out for the 2nd new years party... I wouldnt have met a guy who changed my thoughts on loving again. Changed my internal vow to keep a wall up to avoid letting love hurt me. Thing is, love never hurt me, the person did. I am now in a new state of mind. Aware that true love will be recognized and will come one day, but i will always keep in mind this love I got to give for a year was an amazing, surreal release I needed. Ive grown to live and learn just a little more. Id love to keep you in my life for whatever the reason may be why we met. I appreciate and am so happy to have had you as my eye opener, my love and what amount of friendship that was grown between us through good and bad. I know your still venturing out for these females, which still kinda hurts..but..It may not mattertonightin a week, months or years, but I want you, my love, to know I love you so much to this very moment. Even though I am going to sleep each night, with no one lying Next to me, no one to wake up with, at least there is no one lying To me, just to keep me around anymore. Nmw happened, how you felt about me when you made the choices you made each time and how much it hurt me over and over... I cant change it nor what it led to this year. I cant give you my forgiveness, but I can say I am trying every day. And if we ever reunite as friends or lovers, I hope that day I will say I forgive you for everything. What do you guys think I should do Link to comment
GinNJuice Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Ignore it. She is being melodramatic, and for whatever reason either wants attention or things she is doing you or herself a favor by sending this. She doesn't sound very bright, ignore her, and don't give her the reaction she wants. Link to comment
bostonsfinest2 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 I didn't reply this was sent in Saturday but I wrote her a card because I really do feel bad I'm not trying to get back with her.I've realized that moving on is best for both of us.is the card pointless Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 As a woman I take this email as a pretty heartfelt one where she's letting you know that although she loves you, you hurt her too badly. And now she's moving on and is letting you know that she's working on being able to forgive you, but she hasn't forgotten what you did. My guess is this email is because of the one-year anniversary thing coming up and she's trying to close the door. If you're sincere about wanting to heal the hurt then a heartfelt email back to her admitting what you did hurt her would be a good start. And that you are going to go into therapy to analyze why you were so willing to hurt someone you love to the point of them leaving you and that you'll let her know how that's going when you're on the other side of it, although you don't expect her to wait for you. Then you go and you do just that. Or you will find yourself losing people you love from your life or never being given a chance by someone very strong who closes the door on you the first time you do something bad to her. That's my two cents on it as a woman who has been cheated on and yes, left the guy I was in love with at the time. I got over it, but I know he still apparently hasn't figured things out and every so often he shows up on my doorstep crying. I don't pay any attention though, because he's continued to cheat on subsequent women he had after me and it killed my feelings for him completely. So yeah, just giving you advice from someone who's been where your girlfriend is now. Link to comment
bostonsfinest2 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 I wrote her a huge letter in a Valentine's day card with a fake rose and her favorite candy.like I said I'm more or less thanking her for all she did for me and apologizing for all the wrong I did.I'm slowly working on me and in the end as long as I can say I changed that will be good enough Link to comment
doicare Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 sounds like you deserved to get dumped.... also sounds like she still cares about you but is also hurt. and sounds like you need to go through this process to learn about yourself and from this experience. this isnt about getting her back, and satisfying your emotional needs, it's about setting things right. maybe then you'll have a chance, but you need to face honesty, and sometimes that's more than some people can handle. I went through it in my early 20's. It sucked, and I felt terrible for at least a year, but I look back almost 15 years later, and can honestly say I am a better and more compassionate and honest man for it. Good luck! Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I wrote her a huge letter in a Valentine's day card with a fake rose and her favorite candy.like I said I'm more or less thanking her for all she did for me and apologizing for all the wrong I did.I'm slowly working on me and in the end as long as I can say I changed that will be good enough This is very good. You can turn this experience into a positive if you learn from it and come out the other side a better person and it sounds like you want to do that. Good luck and I hope you find happiness. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I think it's very telling that, even here, you're unable to say "I cheated." Having also been in your ex's position of having been cheated on, I know the power of being able to hear the words and admit to the full truth of what you did. I would hope that whatever apology you sent her acknowledges IN FULL what you did. Cheaters have a tendency to try and minimize and deny it... or cover it up in apologies and excuses..... but you can't expect to be forgiven -- or to change your behavior -- until you've admitted what it is you need forgiving FOR. I don't think you need to become "a better person". You just need to stop cheating, which is a much more attainable goal and not really that hard to do. Hopefully this loss will affect you enough to stop you from repeating this behavior in the future. Link to comment
bostonsfinest2 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 I didn't cheat.I was meeting new girls while in a relationship but never actually hung out with them or flirted.when she broke up with me was when I contacted them.never while we were together.and in the letter it's just me basically apologizing for everything abd telling her I understand where she's coming from and I understand if she can't forgive me.I just want her to know deep down it hurts me and I've been slowly working on fixing me before I jump into things if she forgives me.I just really appreciate all the good times we had together abd want her to be happy on Valentine's day and our anniversary because it was my fault she was an awesome gal. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 If you weren't cheating, what did she have to forgive you for? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
bostonsfinest2 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 Just lying to her about where I met these girls and lying to her in general.I wasn't very honest but I did not cheat. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 It sounds like you define cheating as having sex with other people. There's emotional cheating which is just as painful and destructive to a relationship - as you now know. I would say what you did IS cheating and it sounds like your ex agrees. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
bostonsfinest2 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 Yes I understand where you two are coming from wish I could go back and change things . I understand space is needed and I will stay no contact I'm just going to drop that off at her house but not see her.there's a lot I need to figure out before I can get in another relationship.do you think it would be best to just leave it on her doorstep to avoid actual contact? Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I wouldn't bother with an apology if you're still not acknowledging that you cheated. No contact is the best way to heal and move on from a breakup. Here's a guide that will help you with that: link removed Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
Lorem Ipsum Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I didn't cheat.I was meeting new girls while in a relationship but never actually hung out with them or flirted. You mean you were cruising online for women? For flattery and attention? Because I gotta ask... if your GF had been doing whatever it was you were doing, how would you have felt about it? Put yourself in the other person's position and see if that behaviour would have been OK if you were on the receiving end of it. But yes, if you want to drop off this stuff, do it when she's not going to be there. Or leave it and walk away if she is. Link to comment
bostonsfinest2 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 You mean you were cruising online for women? For flattery and attention? Because I gotta ask... if your GF had been doing whatever it was you were doing, how would you have felt about it? Put yourself in the other person's position and see if that behaviour would have been OK if you were on the receiving end of it. But yes, if you want to drop off this stuff, do it when she's not going to be there. Or leave it and walk away if she is. I totally understand trust me.In the note I apologized and told her there was no excuse for it. She lives in an apartment complex with her family so I might knock on her window leave it there and just walk away.I want her to be truly happy. Not trying to win her back just trying to fix me and make sure next time I've learned from all these mistakes Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 If you REALLY want to learn from this, you can begin by realizing that what you did was cheating. When you cheat on your girlfriends, you hurt them and they leave. If you can't be faithful to just one person, you're not ready to have relationships. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
Monteeee Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 This emotionally cheating topic is highly debatable and there are a lot of gray area. Sure, you might not romantically love those women or want to be with them, but the need to get their attention even when your ex girl friend is disproving it is a bit like betrayal. Perhaps you weren't getting the attention from your ex girlfriend? Perhaps you felt the relationship got stale? Perhaps just sniffing the grass on the other side makes you feel refreshed? You are responsible for your own deeds and choices. You need to find out what YOU want in a relationship and if they are similar to what your ex girlfriend wants. You might need some time to your self to think this through before doing grand romantic gestures. Everyone expresses love differently, many times true love can be saved but are you willing to put into the effort? Are you willing to put in the effort to start again and erase all the negative connotations your ex girlfriend has for you? (I don't mean you go beg her back). She seem like she has grown a bit, but have you? Bottom line is: she is hurt, she is hurt by you. You are hurt, because she left you. She will return to you when she feels the second time will be DIFFERENT, it will be BETTER. Otherwise any "tricks" may get her back temporarily, after a few weeks you start chatting up people: BOOM, another breakup? You have to solve the root problem, which is her insecurity and your attitude towards chatting up other girls as well as the emotional bond between you two (needs more work!!) In my personal opinion, NC is for most dumpees but in your case, it may signal to her its "OVER" and you are okay with it. Though I would say, while you are doing your reflecting, healing you still should give your ex girl friend space. Apology you wrote is one thing, back up with action is the most important thing. And continue doing so in the future....can you actually do that? "If we ever reunite as lovers"...not all hope is lost. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Cheaters typically try to minimize what they've done. I'd say pursuing other women while in a relationship is more than "a bit of a betrayal" -- and it's obvious from what your ex has written that she felt the same way. I would assume all hope IS lost, as long as you continue to act as if what you did wasn't cheating on her. Link to comment
bostonsfinest2 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 I understand what your saying.and to be honest I'm not sure why I did it. She moved in with me pretty quickly because I didn't have a car for a month.She ended up staying I'm not sure if I just felt rushed or I didn't have enough space because I have never been like that.that is why I'm taking this time like you said and reflecting.it's killing me not to text her.today is over 1st day of anniversary, we have a two day one because we forgot if I asked her out today or on Valentine's day lol.the note is basically just me saying sorry and telling her I still do and always will care and the things I did weren't right.I acknowledged that and was honest about everything after the break-up.I haven't lied to her since then.I still have hope she will text me something today.if she doesn't sound I still follow up with the card.I think I have to I wrote a whole lot in there. Link to comment
bostonsfinest2 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 I ended up giving it to her.she was still very hurt about everything which I understand. Haven't heard from her all day just a thanks and goodnight text.I will continue with nc it just feel good to get that to her and let a lot off my chest Link to comment
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