My Fiancee is saying "I need a time"

[sidhat]

I been in relationship with my fiancee 3 years and past 6 months her attitude is changed with me..she use to call me and talk to me but now she even dont call me and I do everything to make her happy buy her gifts gold her room furnitures and tried everything to make her happy but she said you are showing me money and always reply with heart broken words..But now she is saying "I need a time" and "Let your love free it come back It meant to be"..I told her everything thing that I love her alot and sometime I also get angry when she behaves like this to me..I talked to her about future and she replies that I dont care about future i just care abt right now..and all my family members saying just give her time..and I really confuse what she is thinking about.. she usually says I need a time to study..which is not right answer.. and today its been 2 weeks we didnt talk and no communications,, I really love her SHOULD I GIVE HER TIME ?? PLEASE ANYBODY CAN HELP ME ON THIS..and why she is thinking like this [/b].. I am really in depress and also lost weight like crazy.. I WANT HER BACK I can do everyhting but cant be her just friend..

[Heretic]

Hi sidhat! Welcome to eNotalone.

 

In these situations you have to give the person space. You should listen to your family. It's the best thing to do. If you don't she could feel trapped and end up leaving you because you're putting to much stress on her.

 

I suggest also that you not buy her as many things as you used to. I suggest everytime you feel like doing something nice write her a personal letter. HAND WRITE IT, don't type it. Give her a nice hug and give her attention. Talk to her and ask her all about her day and what's going on. So her you care about her through your actions not your wallet

 

I hope this helps!

[DBL]

I would say she probably likes another guy or is dating another guy. I know that is something you don't want to hear, but a majority of the time when your partner tells you they need time, it is usually meant time for another guy.

 

Forget about her, just move on...you can't control what happens and there is no sense making a fool out of yourself when she doesn't want you right now.

 

DBL

[titan]

DBL once again i believe you have hit the nail on the head.

 

Look dude i know it may not be the case, but usual when these words are said it means another person is involved. I would suggest asking her or telling her that you know.

 

And then leave her free to make her decision.

[Princess777]

I don't know, I disagree that it is definitely another guy..... I have said these things to guys before when I was single and I didn't have another guy on the side.... it depends on the girl.

 

I think you should just be straight with her and ask her if this is her way of calling off the engagement. You need to find out where you stand, and it appears that this is unclear at the moment. Tell her that you need to know where your relationship stands so you can deal with it. She's not giving you much to work with here.

 

Good luck!!!

[Break up Veteran]

I'm sorry to say that I agree with DBL and titan.

 

From my experience that is usually the 'real' meaning of 'I need time / space' . I have heard those words believed them and found out later that as DBL and titan say, the time / space was for the girl to spend with someone else.

 

I also agree with Princess777 though regarding confronting your fiancee.

 

I hope things work out for you

[DBL]

Princess777:

 

I don't know, I disagree that it is definitely another guy..... I have said these things to guys before when I was single and I didn't have another guy on the side.... it depends on the girl.

 

This is the guy's fiance, not some girl that is single and he is asking out like you mention above. I don't think it depends on the girl or guy that says it. It still comes to the same thing...the person is not sure they want to be with them, and a good percent of the time is because they want something better and most likely already have someone else in mind.

 

This is a textbook excuse. No contact for two weeks? He doesn't need to ask what is going on. Basically she is saying "let me find something better, but if I can't find anything better then I will settle for you, only to break you're heart again down the road when I do find something better."

 

DBL

[Princess777]

What I meant by what I said was that I have said that to guys before when I wasn't married (my definition of being single is not married). And when I said it, it wasn't because there was another guy. True, it was because I was not sure if they were "the one". But I was not seeing someone else nor thinking about anyone else. I'm saying that it is definitely possible that she does not have someone else on the side, but she may very well have someone else who has caught her eye. I was disagreeing with the assumption that there is another guy. That has not been confirmed and I think he just needs to ask her straight up where she sees the relationship, otherwise she is taking full control of the relationship and that is not fair to him. He has just as much right to know where he stands with her as she does to call it off if she is getting cold feet OR if she has another guy waiting in the wings.

 

Communication is so underrated.... if he can get a straight answer out of her, he will be able to take that information and deal with it. Right now he is only speculating that she might have someone else because of what was said in this thread, but there is no proof of that. Sometimes it makes situations worse when one jumps to conclusions. Is it a possibility? Yes. Is it definite? No. Unless he knows for sure, he should give her the benefit of the doubt, that's all I was saying. I think this only because I have felt that way before. I didn't want to hurt the guy but wasn't ready to commit to him either. She is not giving him much to work with, without being honest and that's what he needs to extricate from her.... the truth.

[Mentor]

my definition of being single is not married

 

Not to change the subject here, but this was very interesting to me. I have always defined being single as not in a committed, exclusive relationship. It always hurt me when my gf referred to herself as single, even though we had been going out exclusively for almost a year. Now I understand better that we all have different definitions of the word (and others), and I feel better.

 

Thanks!

[chai714]

I think she COULD have someone else in mind . . .but more importantly, she lost interest before she met this potential new guy. You need to find a way to create desire for you again . . .but not yet. You gotta do some investigating yourself . . .find out if she's seeing someone else. If she is (which I suspect), ride out the wave . . .let her go through the infatuation part . . .you can not stop this stage . .it's like trying to stop a train. But I think something was missing before she strayed . . .you were not delivering emotional fulfillment . . and gift giving does not count. While it can be part of fulfilling her emotions, it should not play a big part in the whole process.

[Princess777]

Mentor - Yes, I guess I'm a black and white thinker and it sometimes gets me in trouble...... and while I think that there are different levels of being single, you really are single (not in a legally committed relationship) until you're actually married. That is not to discount any relationship because there are just as many horribly matched married people and destructive marriages out there as there are boyfriend/girlfriend relationships!

 

Yes I definitely think there is such thing as a committed relationship without being married but technically you are still free to break it off whenever you want if you're not married. That's the beauty of being single.

 

And that's also the problem with marriage... it supposedly offers the security that a lot of women want (including myself) however the drawback is that if you pick the wrong guy to marry you're stuck with him until you go through a very long and painful process of divorce which scars you and your relatinoship history for life. Hence my warning of PLEASE make sure you find the right partner!!!!

Both being single and being married have their drawbacks!