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the past few months and what I've learnt


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On the surface I'm an ordinary 19 year old, seemingly "normal" going about my day. But over the past 3 years I've been through a series of online romances two of which left me in heartbreak. Now 3 of my close friends know about one of the relationships and I feel the shame.


Ive grown out of it. Addressed a lot of issues as it why I look for online relationships. I'm not dissing them for those who find them fulfilling but for me they were going to be my waterloo had I not been snapped out of it. So yes, I miss this guy and it might have been great if I had actually known him but fact is I don't. And I'm okay with being single but I'm not okay with pursuing a romance with someone I haven't met or am unlikely to do so.


I'm ashamed and embarrassed about the way I acted in the few months after it ended. But I was distraught and dealt with it in the best way I could. But it was no longer my secret. And now I'm ashamed.


It'll be a while before I can look up at myself again. A really long while. I'm ashamed of my need for a sense of support that I'd look for it in places I never should have.


I recently asked someone Out, a close friend. Someone I knew. And my friends reactions were first "oh atleast he's real" well he turned me down and I cried anyway. But that's fine. I'll cry a river build a bridge and get over it.


I'm fine with my life now. I just wish the shame would go.

But I guess that's the price I have to pay. I always knew there be a price.

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There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and those people who make you feel that way do not deserve to be called friends.

Many people fall in love with someone they met personally and start a relationship just to find out months after that they had no idea who the person really is. At the same time I've heard a lot of stories of people finding there spouses online.

You are young and it's perfectly normal to make mistakes coz that's the best way we learn things. Don't be so harsh on yourself, you don't deserve it. Enjoy your youth, there's a whole life ahead of you, it's to early to start "regretting".

Haven't you heard of the quote "It's better to regret what you have done than what you haven't"?

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