pebbles111 Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with rejection? Especially when you've been passed over for someone else (in my case an ex of my now ex). Finding it hard to shake off this low mood and eating away feeling. Link to comment
JA0371 Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 I think working out helps. It keeps the endorphins going...and keeps depression at bay. In addition to making you look better. How long ago did this happen? Link to comment
Kendahke Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with rejection? Especially when you've been passed over for someone else (in my case an ex of my now ex). Finding it hard to shake off this low mood and eating away feeling. Let the low mood and whatever have its way with you. Let it do its job. Cry, feel sorry for yourself, write out your feelings in a word document, eat ice cream, go get your hair and toes done, clean your closet--put that energy to use. You're hurting--to ignore that would be not honoring where you are right now. It hurts to be rejected and the normal reaction is to feel badly about it. Link to comment
pebbles111 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 I think working out helps. It keeps the endorphins going...and keeps depression at bay. In addition to making you look better. How long ago did this happen? 6 days ago. Yeah working out is good for lots of reasons, I'm just physically drained right now. Took my dad's dog for a short walk earlier which I forced myself to do because my dad is disabled. It was good, but about my limit right now. Hopefully it'll pick up in a few weeks. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Think of relationships as a matching exercise, not a ranking exercise. When someone chooses to be with someone else, it is because they are more comfortable in a relationship with that person, not because that person is "better". Link to comment
JA0371 Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Yeah...it will deplete you. But definetely get it out of your system. Cry a lot....indulge in some self pity......,,for a few days. Then pull yourself together. I always feel better if I am able to properly grieve. Just realize this guy is not the end all, be all. There are plenty of other men ...even though that's the last thing you want to hear now. For now though, feel your feelings. It's ok. Link to comment
pebbles111 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 Let the low mood and whatever have its way with you. Let it do its job. Cry, feel sorry for yourself, write out your feelings in a word document, eat ice cream, go get your hair and toes done, clean your closet--put that energy to use. You're hurting--to ignore that would be not honoring where you are right now. It hurts to be rejected and the normal reaction is to feel badly about it. It's definitely doing its job, and I've purposely given myself a quiet, gentle weekend to 'feel'. Weird thing is, it happened 6 days ago and I cried a lot in the first 2 days, then was angry, but this weekend, nothing. I can only describe it as being under a very dark cloud with a chewed up feeling in my stomach all the time. And without wishing to sound arrogant, mystified as to why the rejection happened. We'd only been seeing each other a short while, he was very keen and I didn't do anything 'bad'. I guess just have to go through it, but would like to find some kind of solid ground to at least touch one toe on. Link to comment
pebbles111 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 Think of relationships as a matching exercise, not a ranking exercise. When someone chooses to be with someone else, it is because they are more comfortable in a relationship with that person, not because that person is "better". I know, I guess I'm thinking why was he not more comfortable with me? Link to comment
Twidom Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Kendahke hit the spot. Let it run its course. Let yourself feed bad for a while. Just don't let it turn into a daily thing. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with rejection? Especially when you've been passed over for someone else (in my case an ex of my now ex). Finding it hard to shake off this low mood and eating away feeling. Yes. Get rejected more often. After a while you start to get used to it and before you know it it's an afterthought. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Think of relationships as a matching exercise, not a ranking exercise. When someone chooses to be with someone else, it is because they are more comfortable in a relationship with that person, not because that person is "better". I agree. I would try to see it as "not a right fit" more than a rejection. I also think you were rebounding with this guy. Link to comment
pebbles111 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 I agree. I would try to see it as "not a right fit" more than a rejection. I also think you were rebounding with this guy. I was trying not to rebound with him, I really liked him. But I was very guarded initially bc I'm aware of my feelings for my ex-ex which is also recent. I began to drop my guard just before he dropped me, but I was never totally relaxed and 'free' with him the entire time we were together. He also used to spend evenings at his ex's house, as friends, so they were never really separated if that makes sense. He probably was more comfortable with her, and I am not really myself right now. The rejection still sucks though. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 You don't go from a break up in December to dating a new guy within a month without it most likely being a rebound. You could have liked the new guy, sure, but break ups require some time to process the feelings and learn how to be happy single again. So all this about keeping the guard up/lowering guard is a moot point. You weren't ready and it was a lesson in not trying to rebound. Link to comment
cryingalways Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 I dunno, some of my friends seem to be able to go from relationship to relationship effortlessly. Even if they are still upset about the one from before, they just find a new guy and hope he'll be better. Sometimes he is, sometimes he's not...the cycle continues until they find someone who is nice and they stay with them. Then I have other friends who are so upset by a break up they think no one will want them or they try and date and it's just a disaster because they're not over their ex. I'm not sure how it works...seems to be luck from where I'm sitting but it can't be that? I just feel like I don't meet enough new people these days so it feels unlikely that I will meet anyone without making a big effort to. How do people meet partners in the grown up world? I just don't know...on educational courses it's so easy. Although, from my experience the relationships rarely last from these educational courses-at least arts ones... Anyway...I'm digressing. Everyone makes mistakes. My friend is just ending a relationships with a complete a hole who was her rebound too. She just wanted to get over the ex before so bad....but it's not the way for some it seems. Where are all these nice men???!!! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Where are all these nice men???!!! They are dating me. Look, you shouldn't compare yourself to others. Do what is healthy for you. Making poor decisions just because it can seem to work for others suggests really low self-esteem. Link to comment
cryingalways Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Yeah my self esteem is pretty damn low. I'd like to be able to meet nice men. Not necessarily to get straight into dating. Just to start approaching the whole socialising thing differently. No more scum buckets. I'm excited about it. I have a much much better bad man radar than I did before. It's hard to know when to start dating again though. I suppose you just don't worry about it and have a have a nice time out and see what happens. Link to comment
toby4 Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 honestly i think you'll know when youre ready to start dating, you'll just meet someone who makes you feel great. The key is to not force it, don't go out intentionally looking for a new long term relationship, you'll know you're ready when it comes naturally Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Knowing you are ready has more to do with you than meeting another person ... you can be ready well before you do meet them. Just focus on moving on from the ex. Link to comment
cryingalways Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Agreed ms darcy. I think its true that people do come into your life by you just trying to be friendly though. I shall avoid the dating websites and continue on making my life happier and more fulfilling. Thing is in the past ive noriced you only get completely over your ex when you meet someone new, soneone better. So it aint half tempting to speed it up. I understand. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.