Not knowing what you had until it's gone?

[kwt]

I had been dating my ex-bf for 8 months before he dumped me saying "we are comfortable but it doesnt mean it's going anywhere.". when I asked him if he figured he wanna break up with me two weeks before (which is when I felt like he started becoming distant), he said no and that he's been thinking for a few weeks and I am getting obsessed with the relationship. He was my first bf.

 

Towards the final parts of the relationship, I started feeling that he doesnt care that much about me and that sometimes I am sorta low in his priority list (he would do things with his friends, but if i want the same thing, he asked me to ask my friends to do it with me). I ed to my friends abt how immature/rude/not caring/insensitive he could be at times. One month before the BU, I "talked" to him about sth he did that I didnt like from time to time (I did cry before I talk but I was calm and I believed I was polite the whole time), he was pissed and said sth pretty hurtful, which made me think he really didnt care about me or us that much.

 

Still I didnt want to break up because I love him, even after the times that he made me feel very sad and cried, I still saw sth special in him and I cared about him and when we were together, I was happy. I was still willing to make an effort for the relationship. The week following our "talk", I bickered a bit twice when we were texting (because I dun like sth he said abt me, now I think I overreacted) and he called me a drama queen. After that, things were normal for 2 weeks. then he started becoming distant.

 

Now that I realized he said he's been thinking about it for a few weeks, he prob have at least cared about me or loved me, and it's because of me not trusting him that he cared and my insecurities that got the best of me, and led me to talk to him abt the thing he did that I didnt like and bickering, and "drama" which possibly caused him to break up with me. He did loose his job one month before the BU, which he's been hating for a long time, I don't know if this has anything to do with the BU but now I looked back, things have changed since I did the "talk" and the talk prob got him start considering breaking up.

 

Is it normal to feel like this (not knowing what u had until it's gone)? If the dumper has been thinking for a few weeks before breaking up, does it mean he has cared or it's the guilt that made me overthink?

[Ms Darcy]

If the dumper has been thinking for weeks about it before doing it, it's means he's been unhappy for a while. Breakups are generally not sudden. People give it a lot of thought and it means that you should accept the decision and do your best to move on.

[Lucha]

My ex started acting distant weeks or even months before i even noticed. She would rather hang out with friends than to put some effort into quality time with me, and whereas i at first went with her to visit her friends all the time she then started asking for time apart with her friends. It was horrible, confusing and confronting, making me feel like i wasn't as much fun as her friends were. This person LOVED me once, wanted to be with me 24/7 and now acted so distant.. So when she came home from friends 45 minutes later than i had expected her I had a talk with her. Getting mad about me not being on her priority list. She was quiet the whole talk and next day she was even more distant. this conversation could have initiated the BU so i find myself GUILTY of having the talk where i was mad at her for making me an option. But when I think harder, she probably was breaking up with me weeks before that. When the distancing began. I hate her.