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On Christmas Day, I made a promise to myself


diamondhead

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I won't die till I show my father at least some part of this beautiful place.

 

I think of suicide but you know what? I won't kill myself now. Because if I die now, everyone in my family would think what an incredible waste of time and money I was.

 

I won't do that. I will bring my dad here. Maybe for a few months. Just to see the beautiful places here. Because then at least my family members will say "yes it was worth that I was born, at least his father got to travel, to see places". And I will put that stuff on facebook for everyone to see.

 

Then after a year after my dad returns, I will kill myself.

 

Then maybe it wouldn't be such a waste. I will achieve something. I won't just go like that.

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Don't kill yourself. You may be cheating someone awesome who will love you so much and accept you out of your presence that you haven't met yet.

 

I've spent 3 years in a very dark space and trust me, I had thought many times of ending it all. But last month, I met an amazing man and I am so glad I just bit down hard and held on through those storms.

 

Your life is not a waste. Never fall into that trap of thinking it is. You have a lot to offer... what I have learned throughout my whole 3 year ordeal is that you have to trust the process. You will learn to trust yourself and when you trust yourself, you'll make better decisions for yourself and attract better people to yourself.

 

You don't have to acknowledge people who do not treat you well. They will need you before you need them. Bide your time--that day is coming and your generosity of spirit and goodness is what will put them to shame, because you will shine brightly on their wretchedness.

 

Trust the process, love.

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If you kill yourself, you will go to a place far worse then earth. far more painful. more suffering, fear, hate. this time in your life will pass. You wont feel this way forever. You have to understand that is the biggest mistake you could ever make. You have to get through it. Get through it miserably if you have to. I, too, wanted to kill myself. I'm so glad I didn't. Whoever you are, I care about you and love you. Your life is not a waste. Your good deeds are not unnoticed. Keep fighting.

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So you will kill yourself a year after giving your dad the experience of a lifetime?

 

He certainly won't be able to see any more beauty or notice it anywhere he goes after that, and all that he saw with you and enjoyed will only bring him pain to remember.

 

Of course, there is no way or any time for you to kill yourself without that happening.

 

There is no way or any time to kill yourself without everyone in your family feeling their whole lives have been wasted.

 

So not killing yourself now sounds like a good idea. Beauty is a reason to live, you know. Stop and think, and ask yourself what better reason anyone might come up with. Beauty is bigger than any problem or situation, so use the beauty as medicine for yourself.

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