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Well, I guess I won't be getting her


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I've been crazy about this girl at work for about a year now. We've never really said anything more than Hi to each other even though we work in the same department. We are both in Technology, but she works on different assignments.


Anyway, a co-worker of her was asking me how I felt about another girl, and a friend of mine said I should go for it. I replied no and that he knew why and that we weren't discussing it. The next thing I know he's telling this woman that I like the other girl. Well, she tried to play match-maker while I was pleading to her not to say anything, as I thought it would make her feel uncomfortable, as she really didn't know who I was.


Well, she passed on that this girl doesn't date co-workers, and then as I was walking by this morning, she pointed me out. I was uncomfortable, and so was the girl that I liked. Finally this woman that was trying to 'help me out' realized that I was really embarrassed as that it went too far.


I sat at my desk and eventually wrote and email to this girl appologizing about everything if she felt half as uncomfortable as I did. She replied back that it was a bit uncomfortable, but that it was all good. Then she said that is wasn't like I was a bad guy or anything, its that she just doesn't date in the work place, and she didn't mind hanging out as friends. Very cool of her to be cool about it, and while I know that this woman's cause didn't help, I know that the 'not dating in the workplace' is BS. If she were really interested there wouldn't be a rule there. Hell, I've used that one myself.


Anyway, this is just tough. I didn't know this girl that much but I did think about her a lot. Now I am embarrassed. I don't like everyone in my business, so it looks like I'm going to have to becareful who I talk to.


I think something needed to happen though. I learned she was single, but then off and on I heard she was dating and I was always mad that I didn't have more nerve to talk to her. I didn't want to find out she wasn't interested this way.


I just want to crawl into a hole.

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Rejection is something we all have to deal with (i'm sitting here,without any sleep at 2am because of it!-8 months after a breakup and my ex has gotten back with the guy she went out with before me, but this aint my post) wether its a girl turning you down, getting dumped, not getting a job interview, or not passing a test we all get down, especially if its something we feel passionate about and have put all our energy into, especially relationships.


I think you have done EXACTLY the right thing in this situation. Look at it this way, she now knows how you feel about her so you're on her 'radar' - she'll be watching if she ever changes her mind. I dont think she would feel as uncomfortable as you think- its flattering knowing that someone likes you, no matter who they are. By apologising to her you've already proven that you're professional enough not to let it interfere with your work and i'm sure she appreciates this.


Go for a friendship with her, this will allow you to get to know her so you can reassess if you really do like this girl, plus you're putting a human side to yourself (at the moment you're just that guy in the other department that likes her), she might just like you if she got to know you better which may be what she is saying in wanting to hang out as friends in the first place.

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Given you situation the thing you should do is get to know her as a friend by chillin and doin friendly stuff, this can put you in a better position. It is important to remember that you dont want to have expectations and you want to treat her like a friend, you dont want to give her any special treatment.

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But be honest guys, once a girl rejects you it's hard to be friends with her. Maybe it's best you just cut your losses, continue to be nice when you see her on the job, but just forget about being friends. Especially if you're looking for a female friend to eventually date and not just a female friend that won't go anywhere. Why waste your time?

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