Standards too high?

[anon123]

***Before I go on, please don't get the impression that I'm conceited or full of myself***

 

Now, here's my problem: I'm never satisfied with any of the girls that like me. I'm told I'm too picky, but I just have my own standards...but I don't think its that. There's never anything wrong with the girls that like me, but I just can't bring myself to like them. Because of this, all my buddies have steady gf's and I'm always the oddball. I've always been fine with this...but what can possibly be wrong with me that I can't like any of the girls around me.

 

It's not like there's a shortage of them, I live in a huge city and there's girls everywhere, but I usually end up liking/being attracted to my friend's girlfriends. Not that i've ever pursued any of them lol...

 

Please don't misunderstand me and think I'm shallow, because I'm not. Looks are important of course, but all the girls I know don't really interest me...

 

What should I do?!

[ticklebug]

ok, you say you are too picky...what are your "criteria" as far as the right type of girl? what do you look for? What makes you break it off?

[lady00]

Been there. I thought that my standards were too high but eventually I started dating. It really helped me to expand my circle of friends and try to talk to people I wouldn't ordinarilly talk to. I am definitely picky when it comes to guys and I think that's why I didn't date for years and only started dating recently but I have since found some great guys. My best advice is just to wait it out. Someone will come along, and when she does, you'll know it and you'll be glad you waited.

[anon123]

ticklebug: great personality, smart, pretty...why things usually don't work is because usually there isnt any chemistry, regardles of how great of a personality they have or how pretty they are...there's always something holding me back. I was thinking maybe it's because friends/family have high expectations of me and I dont want to disappoint with a less-than-perfect girl...i dunno....

 

lady00: haha i guess that's what i wanted to hear...

[ticklebug]

well, gee, can you be any more vauge?

 

anon - no one, and I mean no-one is perfect...

 

I think you need to look deeper inside yourself. This isn't about what other people think...this is about you, and the fact you are more than likely just not ready for a full time commitment with someone. Not to say that is a bad thing...but you are better off admitting that to yourself, instead of blaming the girls, or your family...

 

when you are ready to give your heart to someone, it isn't going to matter what "others" think...

[Iceman26]

Hey anon,

 

I know exactly what you mean, I always felt a pressure to get this perfect girl and almost every girl I dated, people would always tell me I could do better. Friends, family, they always told me I was underachieving with women or made me feel that way. In the end though, the only one dating the girl is you and you have to go with what is going to make you happy, the hell with everyone else (as long as they treat your family and friends with respect).

[69_king]

yeah, I know exactly what you mean, I was the same way and that is why I have been single for the last 5 years.

After that amount of time I finally realized that it was ridiculous to wait for the perfect girl who fit all my criteria so I decided to look for girls who - and this is kind of vague - were as close to meeting all the criteria as I could reasonably expect. (if I had to give a value I would say thats about 80% of the criteria)

The first girl I met fit that description, so I asked her out, we have been going out for about 2 weeks now and I really like her.

[fridolyn]

Been there too. I just started dating a few months ago, everything is fine but I have not found anyone yet even if some of the girls Ive met were perfect (but not perfect enough for me). I really think that I (and you) should not lower our standards. We just have to give ourselves some time and one day, without expcecting it , we'll find that special person.

 

Good luck!!!

 

***English is my second language***

[San123]

Hey, I read an article in some magazine where someone asked the same thing, and the response was that maybe you aren't really ready for a relationship so you find things that are wrong with the girl which would constitute "ending it". And you make your standards too high which would make it impossible to have a real relationship, but when you're ready you will know and these things won't be as important or a valid reason to break up with the girl. This is probably true if you're younger and haven't had a relationship before; heck it may not be right at all, but thats just what I've read as a response to an almost identical question!

[Double J]

I don't think there's anything wrong with having high standards. I mean, it's your life and you're investing emotions, time, money, and other things into this relationship. In my opinion, a person should not have ridiculously high expectations in the looks department (a Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie) but should with personality.

[nexus532]

Lower the standards and higher the averge dude. Also makes for good stories.

[anon123]

^^^ Hahahaha that's funny

[themanwhorocks]

There's nothing wrong with being picky. You'll know who you want the second you lay eyes on her.

[justagirl20f]

I always had average standards. In my circle of friends a lot of things like "oh boys will be boys" and "men are just like that" were said and I sorta accepted it. My BF's were always desireable in general, they treated me like they were expected to... And that was the problem.

 

Inside I always wanted more. Now the current guy I'm dating has increased my expectations and raised my standards so high that heaven help the guys in the world if we ever break up, cuz I doubt many of them could follow in his shoes. Oh, I should probably mention that he's nothing NEAR my "type" or the guy I was looking for to spend the rest of my life with... He is NOW, but that took time.

 

My point? Keep your standards up but don't restrict yourself to a certain "type". There is nothing wrong with wanting what you (vaguely) said you want... But do you realize that comes in SO MANY forms??? I happen to think I fit that description, as well as about every single one of my girlfriends. And we're all very different. So maybe the woman for you won't be the girl you've pictured in your mind. But I can guarantee when you meet her, she'll be more than you imagined.

 

I'm thinking maybe the reason you find yourself attracted to your friends' GF's is because you're almost FORCED to get to know them in your circle, and they get the chance to show themselves to you that you're not giving girls that aren't forced into your circle? Just a thought.