the world moves around me and im standing still

[idontunderstan]

Honestly...

 

I was doing okay earlier today. It's been just over a week and I saw her at school and we along with another friend went to an art gallery at school and checked out the exhibit and it was all fine. We talked for a second in her car about how I needed to let her go and I said that I knew that and that we can't talk like this anymore and I said I know Im sorry and I left.

 

I felt peaceful, a little meloncholy too after that but I was okay. I got home and made some lunch and watched some TV. Then I ran for a bit. I went to a coffee shop and just read for a long time and drank some tea.

 

I drove to the store and saw her sister driving behind me. She passed me and she waved and smiled and I did the same and it made me feel so good that she didnt ignore me. Her family kind of took me in as part of their own.

 

Anyway, I was feeling pretty good and I had asked an old friend from high school to hang out.

 

I met him at a book store and he drove me to another old friend from high schools place. On the drive he pulled out a spliff and was like you wanna share this with me? Im not really a smoker. I occasionaly do it but its not for me

 

I declined and he was like come on! and i was like no thanks man. Anyway on the drive, I gave in and had a few puffs. I felt like, you know? Why the hell not?

 

So we got to my friends place and then we were just talking and stuff and I was like so what do you guys do in your free times. And they were just like "we smoke" and I just liked...in that second I was like, what am I doing? I just felt immediately disconnected from them and realized how much different things are now. It was thi whole shock of reality like, things change, people change, the world spins, and I just had a mental break down but held it together while I was with ten,

 

I was sitting in my friends smoke filled car just in the backseat, and quite literally it felt like the world was moving and everybody around it was and I was sitting their, still and alone and cold and having no control over things. And it felt terrible.

 

I got home, sat in the tub and just cried because I just came to the realization that Im 20 years old now and tha things are different, the world is different, and Im just this little person.

[SooSad33]

Yes, sadly the world keeps spinning. Not worrying about what we're doing... life goes on.

 

I think you've just noticed how you're not into the same groove as your buddies. That is okay- we all change.

You cld be in a 'funk' and you've been nailed with some weird feelings. Not knowing where you belong right now? I understand, but I have learned to take it all one day at a time.

Because the thing is.. is we never know, what's going to happen in an hour.. in a day. Change happen's constantly.

 

Open minded does help. Helps with accepting this busy, crazy world we live in and those around us. The world is travelling so fast nowadays.. it's like a whirlwind but we can't get off it.

 

Time to take a big look around you and work on accepting she is gone and your buddies past time is not what you favour anymore. Acceptance is the key.. to moving on.

You could meet someone new tomorrow on the bus or in the hallway at school or coffee shop- you never know!

 

Not sure how long it's been since you two broke up? But why don't you set up with a dating site? See how that goes, if you don't favour or see too much where you are.. ( Only if you're over her though..).

If it's only been over a week.. give it another month- see how you feel , then.

 

Anyways.. one day at a time.. go with the flow. You'll adjust fine.

good luck

[idontunderstan]

I think that's exactly how I feel, not knowing where I belong and I think it's quite possible that my ex feels the same way which is why she wanted to break up

 

I was wondering if you have any tips about sleeping

It's 6 am here and I've been awake since 4 cause I keep getting plagued by her memories and what went wrong and things I want to say

I want so badly to just call her and ask "can you come over" which she used to do to me at really early times. I hated it but I loved it and I miss it now

 

I've been writing all my thoughts down everything is say to her if I could but it's still hard

 

I just want to sleep