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I love her but I've screwed up


Defying

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So I'm posting on my friends account she is my roommate and she left it open on the computer my name is Ryan by the way. So I've been in a committed relationship for about a year and a half. We have had one issues but nothing major I've loved her from the moment I met her. Lately she has been more stand off ish and that's probably because I've been hanging out with my friend who has a crush on me and flirts with me all the time I think nothing of it cause I don't interact or share the same feelings but My girlfriend says she hates seeing her flirt with me but I don't listen. And I feel bad about it I just want everything to be back to normal with me and her but I don't wanna lose a friend. Like I really don't wanna lose my girlfriend. I need some help hear cause I've already to,d my friend it's never going to happen but she doesn't listen.

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I screwed up with my ex while I was with her. Other women would flirt with me, I wouldn't respond in kind, but I would try and guide them to my friends (I'd always help my friends get girls). This caused problems and eventually she left me, because regardless of how sure YOU feel about it, she won't see it that way. Our perceptions create our reality and the way she's perceiving it is not the same way as you... it's because she is not you.

 

I realized perception has a lot to do with it because of a little story I heard from a friend of my father:

 

One day I came home after watching a superman movie with my kids 20 years ago and I found my son on the balcony with the cape and on top of a chair. It looked like he wanted to jump off the balcony, I asked him "what are you doing?"

the son (20 years ago): "I want to fly"

the dad: "Then why don't you try jumping inwards into the house before jumping off the balcony"

the son (present day, interrupts the story): "i wasn't going to jump"

.... she is not you, just like the dad wasn't the son, they're not in your head to know and understand exactly how you feel and what you feel, even if you try to communicate it. what they see, hear, feel, and experience is theirs and theirs alone and if they don't feel safe you might need to sacrifice for the better.

 

Now I see it as one of the biggest mistakes I could have ever done, I did apologize for it, but it does get to a point where it becomes too late and you can't correct it... hence why I'm still single and I'm not with her. For the future I now know but do heed others advice.

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Cut things off. Let your friend know that you won't flirt with her.

The guy I'm dating has this friend flirting with him all the time, she barely look at my face to say 'hi'.

I've told him about her behavior, but at first he thought I was being jealous, then the last time we hung out she was literally climbing over the chairs in a comedy show to seat close to him. I was so mad, but didn't say anything. He noticed and apologized. The thing is, she is being mean to me and disrespectful, and if this thing doesn't stop he will end up losing me. I'm kind of tired of that situation and you better cut things off with that 'friend' before is too late. it's a really humiliating situation for your gf, if she is putting up with that, you better give her a credit and respect her from now on.

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