What did I do wrong???

[LC8328]

Wow! Lots of great advice for you on here, Dougie. Really. Especially the post from MCJD4ever.

 

I'm from LA also...born and raised. So going through your steps...

 

1. Nothing wrong with grabbing a random guy to be your wingman.

 

2. This sounds fine.

 

3. "Are you having a good night so far?" is a nice, sincere-sounding question.

 

4. So your wingman leaves...he figures you don't need him anymore. Everything still good so far.

 

5. I think it was good that you tried to balance the time and not try to "annoy her too much."

 

6. At this point, she could have been thinking about ending the conversation (I say this because of the way the whole situation ended, with her not showing interest in the end). From your point of view, however, everything still looks fine.

 

7. This was her way of saying, "You seem nice, but I'm not interested, so good night and good bye."

 

8. Fine

 

9. Okay, so you DO have some social cues...you said you did feel that you were "over doing it." You were probably spot on about that...but hey, if you wanted to say hello in an unassuming way...theoretically I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

10. I disagree with you here. I do not feel it was a mistake to be honest and say that you barely knew the wingman. There is nothing creepy or weird about that at all.

 

11. Here is where you start to overanalyze. If you're a year younger than her...it's not a big deal. Please do not feel that you 'failed' because you revealed your age to her. Even if that was the case, you'd have to let it go, because you wouldn't want to be with a woman who doesn't want to date you because you are one year younger. It's always good to be honest about age. If she assumed you were immature...well, there's nothing you can do about her assumptions. Just let it go.

 

12. **This was not an insult.** When she said, "Don't you have any friends?" it was actually a conversation opener, and she was not being literal in the way you think. She was not accusing you of not having friends. What she was really saying was, "Where are your friends tonight that you came alone?" This was a sincere question about YOU. A good reply to that would have been, "Oh, they're all out dancing at this other club, and that's not really my thing, you know?" Or something to that effect.

 

13. I disagree with you here as well. Theoretically, you saying "You should stay here a bit longer" was not a mistake. It could have been charming if you truly were building a rapport with her. You may have felt you were in desperation mode, but I disagree. By saying this, you said in a nonthreatening way that you were interested in her. I do not feel there was anything wrong with this in itself.

 

14. Had I been you, at this point (when she leaves your side), I would have figured she wasn't interested.

 

15. Okay, I get that the part about the hug was a joke, but you'd have to agree it was awkward. Hey, it's okay. I've done something similar when I was dating many years ago. I'd see this guy in passing every day. I thought by the way he looked at me, etc, that he liked me, right? Nope! One day I gave him a Hershey's kiss and he accepted it. Then I asked him if he wanted a hug. Can someone say AWKWARD? I was SO embarrassed for myself it was not even funny. He shook his head and said he had a girlfriend. I was totally mortified. In my defense, I was a teenager and just starting to date. I'll be honest - I'm glad I'm out of the dating scene.

 

So in conclusion, I believe what you considered mistakes were actually totally normal. You may be a bit behind in social cues for whatever reason, but I think you had a good instinct, so go with that INSTEAD of trying to overanalyze everything. Dating isn't science. There is no absolute scientific formula that will result in romance or a date or even getting a phone number. Good luck.