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Unfair father


Sista12

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I am the youngest, of the 3 sisters.

My parents wanted a son when they tried for me. My mom cried a bit when i was born. A girl. But weirdly my dad loved me alot and did everything for me. But as i grew he saw i was not good in academics and he stopped loving me. Scolded me and was really angry all the time at me. He stopped talking to me in young age. I was scared of him.

 

Whenever he used to come home from office, i used to hide. Whenever my sisters got good grades in high school and college they got branded watches etc gifts and when i did well in my high school and college he gave me nothing. And when he used to buy me something slightly expensive, he used to tell me its also my birthday gift and also my grades gift. So i never got anything on my bday. Mom didnt even let me celebrate my bday this year in my friends.

 

My dad abuses me and hits me way easily. And he never says a word to my elder sisters if we fight like jormal sisters do. He yells at me only. And hits me. We have finacial issues. My parents hardly do anything for me now. Even though i am always with thrm i help my dad alot in his business i do all i can. I dont even cause trouble to them.

 

My sisters all got the best of everything. And i was neglected. I feel very bad and have taken things to my heart. I had loved my dad the most and he pushed me away and justifies it by saying things like "oh well u were flunking bcus of my love, i had spoiled u" he even said things like im the black sheep of the family when i was 12.... i still remember it.

 

Idk. What to do. He jus said how i never deserved his love i was a weird child. And then he calls me to do all his bull work like get him food etc. I do all of it....

 

What shud i do? Is this unfair

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your being abused. If you are living with your family move out. If you cannot move out right now, get a job and start saving. If this is something that is unusual in your culture don't tell anyone what you are doing.

 

Talk to someone you trust about what is going on. If you are ever hit again, IMO, you should call the police. No one has the right to hit you.

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I cant move out. Its not in my culture. Plus we cant even call the police. Plus i wont call the police for my dad i feel depressed and im going through it. Bcus of it i seek attention from.the outside world which often fails too

 

Im 20

 

Maybe the way he is treating you is the way his father treated him. Men are treated differently to women in different cultures.

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You are being abused and need help - you can only get advice from people here, not proper legal help. Why can't you move out of your house? It would help to know what country you live in so we have more of an idea of your rights. I know in a lot of cultures women are brainwashed into thinking they have no rights or ability to go out into the world alone. In some countries women actually don't have enough rights, and can't actually do anything to help themselves. It breaks my heart that this happens, but it does. I also live in a country where I have limited rights, but the ones I do have allow me to leave the country, go to a women's shelter, and live alone. These rights are not talked about, or let known to a lot of women but there are still there. Perhaps if we knew more information we could do some research in order to advise you on your best option.

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And, even if a woman lives in a country where she has as many rights as a male, her cultural upbringing can stop her from exercising those rights. There was a case in England of a woman named Kiranjit Ahluwalia who, because of her culture could not escape her abusive husband. One night she finally defended herself and ended up killing him.

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And, even if a woman lives in a country where she has as many rights as a male, her cultural upbringing can stop her from exercising those rights. There was a case in England of a woman named Kiranjit Ahluwalia who, because of her culture could not escape her abusive husband. One night she finally defended herself and ended up killing him.

 

Yep - I was thinking more of the honor killings in London that a girl kept quiet about believing that she would also be killed if she spoke up, eventually she did and it opened up a hell of a lot of light on what goes on in these extremist communities

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my initial thought is perhaps he found out that he is not your 'birth' father, that would explain the abrupt change in behavior.

 

in any case, he hasn't been a father to you for a long, long time... so it's high time that you start making a plan to take care of yourself regardless of what your culture is. it isn't really a great culture if it forces you to resign yourself to such abuse from your own father, is it?

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Sticking around waiting for your father to open up a can of "act right" is a huge waste of your time, so you need to be about a plan to move out and get away from him and never look back. You do yourself a huge disservice to buy into the notion that he's going to all of a sudden flip into the loving father you used to have. Something happened that goes far deeper than you not getting good grades that turned him against you at a young age.

 

You're 20 now, not 12, so it's time you got a grip on your fantasies about the kind of family you wished you had. You don't have that family, so you need to start looking out for yourself. There is no good reason to stick around and remain his punching bag... aside from the fact that assault is against the law. Get a job and move out.

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I live im sharjah. And no body in our society moves out until a girl is married or sent abroad for her studies. I had told my mother and father that im depressed, they all neglected my cries and said im crazy. And jus few days ago my sister went through a minor depression as we had lost our grandmother, my parents took her to a doctor without me knowing.

I dont know is my health not important to them at all?

 

 

My father doesnot even have the money to pay my educational fees anymore. I understand that bcus we all are struggling. My sister will pay and i love her for that. But most of my life i saw my dad sttuggling and coping up with financial problems and i had compromised with him. Sometimes im fed up and i see that he failed to do alot for me! I need so many things i never ask him for anything. Girls in my society lack empathy for their parents money and do and live the best way they can. I am not one of them. Yet my dad says he has the worst daughters in the world Such as me.

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I live close, and you are an emirate away from having the rights I described. Are you emirati? A lot of emirati girls feel that they cannot leave their families and in some cases, this is true. Because I know about the kind of society you are living in, I am telling you to keep your head down and finish your studies - as soon as you get a job you will be able to leave home. If you are not emirati, as long as your father is no longer your sponsor he can no longer have control over you.

 

If it is getting to be that bad, perhaps leave Sharjah when you can and go to a country where he has no ownership over you and be happy.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Basically He sponsored half my fees. And we cant leave until we get married. Leaving country is out of question. So basically I can hope to get married soon jus to escape him!

 

I am a man in the U.S. but I suffered similar...although nowhere near circumstances as you. It gets ALOT better 4 you when you are on your own. U have internet access. Try internet dating to find a husband that won't mistreat you. If the rules allow, marry a foreigner and leave the emirates altogether.

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I am a man in the U.S. but I suffered similar...although nowhere near circumstances as you. It gets ALOT better 4 you when you are on your own. U have internet access. Try internet dating to find a husband that won't mistreat you. If the rules allow, marry a foreigner and leave the emirates altogether.

 

Dating sites are illegal and blocked here

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