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Hi Guys!!


Im doing A LOT better these days....I mean apart from still being unemployed. I am still looking for a job in my field--trying hard.

My ex wanted me back. He pleaded he was going to change. Last week was horrible. I was stressing on what to do. I didnt feel the instant connection again when I saw him again. Instead there was nothing. We kissed.....I felt nothing. I felt more confused and nervous then relief. So I told him I needed to think about things. He said to take the weekend, have fun, get my mind off things and then decide.

So I went to a party. (rave) Had a BLAST. I havent gone in AGES. Almost a year. So it felt really good.

I met a guy there. Nothing happened--but he was really into me. And I was VERY attracted to him. We danced, talked for about an hour. He was VERY shy. I mean VERY shy. I had to do most of the talking.

So in the end I gave him my number, when I had to leave. Its been 4 days--he hasnt called. Im guessing he chickened out.

But this helped me make my decision. That there IS better out there. Someone BETTER for YOU. if your really not happy then seriously dont settle for less just get whats better. I love my ex to death and care about him more than anything. But as a couple--I dont think we are ready for that right now. We're both too young and need to explore new things--see what its like.

I explained this to him. I didnt tell him I met someone because I didnt see a point. Nothing is going to happen anyways. he hasnt even called. I just told him were not meant to be right now. He did too much damage to my emotions and trust in people I couldnt face it again. I had gotten used to being alone. And was afraid of going back to the old habits. It felt like forever the first month we were apart....and I never realized--I WAS getting over him....and it only hit me when I saw him those few times. I just didnt want to feel the pain I felt when we broke up again. I had a feeling it would happen again if we were to stay together.

And it scared me--taking that risk.

I am just living life now. Seeing what else is out there.

So I hope my story inspired some heart broken ones out there....because I was so depressed it was to the point of suicide. You guyd arent alone. And now I am actually relieved and happier. I still miss him...but Im moving on...and ENJOYING LIFE!!!!

Peace all



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Its been a week since I officially ended it with my ex....and I am starting to miss him again. Ive posted "At the verge of a nervous breakdown" if u wanna read my story.

What I miss is the fact we shared a lot of the same interests and went to a lot of the same events...I dont have any friends who are interested in the same things--theres a 3 day party coming up and I have to go alone because normally Id go with my ex but obviously I cant and none of my friends are interested in that sort of thing.

It really makes me feel lonely....he was the ONLY one who really was my second half. And its making me think maybe I should go back with him.

I dont know anymore...

Help... : /

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