need some help with ex coming to town

[LilithCave22]

Hey all. I am need of some assistance from people on the outside of my situation that can provide me with some advice. I fear making mistakes.

 

A little background info for those of you that don't know my story, I was in a relationship for 3.5 years. My ex broke up with me because she says she no longer has romantic feelings for me. It wasn't a nasty break up at all as we both really loved each other and were getting along really well. Shortly after the break up, I found out she was dating (or had a date) with someone else. I started NC so that I could heal and move on.

 

My ex has contacted me twice since I started NC, once through email and once through a phone call both about 1 week apart. She's having a hard time and seemed very depressed when I talked to her on the phone. She broke down in tears several times (which is unusual for her). I could tell she was really missing me because I'm no longer available to be her rock.

 

Here is the problem I am struggling with: She is going to be in town this weekend for a graduation party. When we talked on the phone last Sunday (she called), I mentioned to her that I could take care of her/our dog while she was is town so she didn't have to board the dog. I also mentioned that if she needed a place to crash after the party, she could stay with me (in our house) in the spare bedroom. I decided after the phone call that I would go back into NC and that if she wanted to bring the dog and/or stay with me that she could contact me. I didn't want to push the issue, be too available, or make her feel pressured into anything. I just received an email from her asking if I could still take care of the dog Saturday night. Since I bought the dog, it's partially mine and I am looking forward to seeing her (the dog) because I really do miss her. I don't feel used (even if I am) because I really did want to take care of the dog. Of course, the other problem is that I really did want to see my ex as well and had hoped she would stay in the spare bedroom. I was planning on asking her if she wanted to grab some breakfast Sunday morning. It appears from the email that she has already found somewhere else to stay because she didn't mention that she needed a place to stay… just the dog. I already declined my invitation to the party because I thought there would just be too much tension in the air. It would probably be a bad idea for me to ask her again if she needed a place to stay… right? Should I just write her back letting her know I can still take care of the dog and leave it at that? She will drop the dog off before the party… it's going to be sooo hard to not invite her to stay with me. The only reason I would like her to stay with me is just so I could hang out with her a little in the morning before she hits the road. I had also hoped on having breakfast or lunch with her on Sunday. I want to spend some time with her since I am not going to the party. If she stays somewhere else, she may eat before she comes to pick the dog up and then I won't have any time with her at all. As you can see, I need some help to know what my best reaction should be. I have been preparing myself for this all week and know that I can be strong around her. I can tell she is missing me and I want to show her in actions that I am moving on. I want to someday have a chance with her again even though I don't want that from her right now. For now, I would like to maintain brief contact so that she sees I don't need her in my life. I already know she misses me terribly.

 

Please help… should I ask casually in the email if she has a place to stay? If not, should I ask if she would like to have a low key breakfast or lunch on Sunday? Or should I just write her back and let her know I can take care the dog and leave it at that? I don't want to make any mistakes so I need some help!

 

Thank you for listening!

[arwen]

I understand it's difficult not to be too 'forward' in this. However, she asked you to take care of the dog, and you did have good contact a couple of times.

 

I would keep it simple: she drops off the dog, right? I suppose she will also pick up the dog after the weekend? Just ask her if she fancies a coffee the next morning when she comes for the dog.

 

Inviting her to stay over for the night might be strange after you didn't accept the invitation to the party. Next to that, asking her to sleep at your place might come accross as inviting her for 'more than that'.

 

Just try to be friends first, to see how she stands in this.

 

Ilse.