CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!I AM REALY CONFUSED!

[mimi20]

OK so i am VERY confused. I like a this guy VERY much, BUT....his behavior i am not getting, so i want to know what you think is goin on here.

so here goes...

 

Ok i feel a total connection with him, but i can't help but feel like there is this thick wall around him, and he won't let me in i really want to be in a realtionship with him...i have been very, VERY patient with him, for a little over 2 months, but when will he let me in? he has made progress but at the speed of molasses. His behavior is this:

I won't hear from him for days at a time, I will text his phone a little smily face, and i get nuthin then the next day i get a text from him (He never calls me, it's always texts..it's like he is scared to call, he hasn't said he's scared, but it's only IM's online or cell phone texts, even when he asks me to go out or sumthin, he asks me in a text, or an IM online)...anyways as i was saying, the next day after i text him he texts me a little wink face. I was very excited, and text him, he text back, and i was at work so couldn't chat, but told him i would like to yak online later if he wants, he said ok...BUT he never signed on at the time we set i feel rejected, but he does this....he will be totally comfortable and the words just flow when we talk online, but then it's like he pulls away, and disapears for a few days, then i will hear from him when he is ready. It is very frustrating, but i feel he is worth all the effort, I never show him or tell him my frustrations, because i don't want to scare him away, when he does this i give him his space, and let him make the next contact when he is ready. I really want him to open up to me. When we are in eachothers company, he opens up but then i won't hear from him, then here he comes, a cute text or a sweet IM, then there he goes back in his cave. I feel he has feelings towards me when we are around eachother, i feel a deep connection, an unspoken one. Last friday we were in eachothers company, and it was the first time i really felt him open up and relax in my company...he was VERY affectionate and i really enjoyed it and reciprocated, but he said he would text me the next day, and he didn't, and i haven't heard from him since ....

 

SOOOO... what i want to know from you guys is what should i do? am i doing the right thing by giving him space when he clams up and crawls in his cave? is this the cycle guys go through before they really want to commit to a girl? Also, when he does this to me and sort of stands me up, like he did with the online thing, i never bring it up, i will carry on like everything is fine when we talk next, is that the right thing? I have learned to be patient with him, because i feel it will be worth it in the end, i would never ever cheat on him or do anything to hurt him, i feel he is sort of precious. Even though he has this thick wall up around him, i can see through it and can see he is very sensitive. (I am very observant, so this is heloing me as well to understand him) I was wonderin' if guys do this all the time when they like a girl? and will he ever surrender to the feelings he has in his heart for me, and let the fears subside? I want him to trust me in everything, and i want him to know i will be there for him....Does the texts from me, like smily face or just a "hi" help breakdown the walls? should i not take it personal if he doesn't text back right away? is that him guarding himself? i am so confused.....Anyone give me any thoughts or advice.... It would be GREATLY appreciated....And also thanks for reading my extremely long post

 

Yours truly,

mimi20

[sonjam]

mimi20, my post is not going to help much, but I wanted to tell you about my experience.

 

reading your post was eerie, becouse it is like you described a short relationship? I had with a guy years ago TO THE LETTER.

 

I was crazy in love with this guy. His name is Gerhard. he showed interest, we hooked up a few times, when we went out to clubs with friends. He would text me with the SWEETEST things, I still remember everyting he told me to this day. But he would not respond. he also never used to pitch, or reply. He would disappear for a few days, I would go insane, and try to keep my lures to contact me via e-mails and texts to the minimum - scared of scaring him off.

 

I was like a spunge, absorbing all the nice things he wrote in the e-mails and texts, but never ever did he commit to even being my bf. Those things carried me through the days I heard nothing from him.

 

Then one day he simply did not re-surface after a few days. He simply stoped. I ran into him at a pub a few weeks later, and we chatted briefly. He said he was completely misunderstood. Well, I still don't understand how to understand him!!!

 

I heard from a friend of his a few weeks later he's in love with this girl, but she's not interested/doesn't know about him.

 

All this happened3 years ago. My heart still aches for him. Im happily married, with a baby, but that was just one of those loves, that was not returned, that you will feel sad about forever.

 

I often wonder what happened to him and hope he found the love and understanding he was looking for. It was not meant to be?

 

I hope your situation turns out better than mine did!

[mimi20]

hi there,

thanks for sharing.....i did forgot to mention something...

I know that he had been VERY VERY hurt in his last relationship....she cheated on him with a guy he knew, so now he is definitely over her, she calls him, saying sorry, wants him back,but he doesn't answer, doesn't trust her, got hurt ect....so with this problem i know he doesn't want her back of course...but do you think that maybe he is going back and forth becuase whenever he feels he is getting closer to me, he will back away out of fear of getting hurt again??? I have never told him "i won't hurt you" becuase i could probly tell him this till i am blue in the face, because his last gf may have said that but she hurt him...so i feel that only my actions will prove this.....it just is frustrating, how he opens up, then disappears, but it is very emotionaly draining, so i may give him till the end of the month to come around and stay. Becuase i feel it is not healthy for me. I have done everything i could to not be clingy, needy, or desparate, I walk on egg shells so i won't scare him away. But i am thinking bout this constantly, trying to figure out IF i INDEED did something to push him away...and it really stresses me out.....the only reason i haven't "walked" is becuase i feel the most deep connection with him that i have never felt before, and i feel that if we were to have a relationship...he could very well be the love of my life....and when we are together i can feel his energy as well and i know he feels the same....but my dilemma is helping him to breakdown those walls, i don't know what to do or say that would help, WITHOUT SCARING HIM AWAY!!!

~mimi20