Love the Boyfriend - Hate the Relationship

[lillady898]

I love my boyfriend, but I hate our relationship. Not only are we long-distance, but he doesn't have much time for me AT ALL. It's starting to take a huge toll in our relationship, and I'm just not happy with it. Things are perfect when we're together... But he's not here and even if he is in the area, he still wouldn't have time. And the thing that I have the biggest problem with is that I don't even know if in a few years down the road whether he will have time or not. I don't even know if we'll bebe near eachother at that point. If you need to get a better idea of this time problem... It's not small. For Thanksgiving, he was home for 5 days. We saw eachother for a total of three whopping hours. They were an incredible three hours. But what was weird is he made a little time for some sports. I want him to have fun, but it's just weird. Guess I'm confused. If I'm so unhappy, shouldn't I just end it?

 

I wouldn't have such a problem with it if he even acted like he cared that we don't talk or see as much of eahcother, and gave me some hope that he will eventually down the road have time like he used to.

[AngelOfDarknes]

i had the same prob..its so hard...i thought it would change but it just got worse i couldnt take it anymore...all i wanted him to show he cares and that he wants me to stay.but i didnt get that from him.....i told my friends and there like if your not happy end it and i did,its the best feeling, no more worrys........ i think its better to end it. its up to you

[shes2smart]

People give time and attention to the things/people that are important to them. In his words to you, he may say one thing, but his actions are saying something else entirely. It's never a good thing when a person's words and actions don't match up. When that's the case, ignore the words and listen to what the actions are telling you.

 

Just like Angel*Of*Darkness said, it does not get better.

 

If the relationship is important to him, he won't just take the time -- he'll MAKE the time.

[sweetpea4670]

I think whether you should break up with him depends on whether you're so in love with him that you're willing to endure the hardships that this long-distance relationship is bringing. In other words, ask yourself if this struggling relationship is worth it because he means so much to you. This kind of personal sacrifice should only be made if there is a true reciprocated love in the relationship and you feel that you can somehow manage to get through the struggle.

 

I would tell you to end the relationship, except that you say that everything else is perfect except the distance. Sometimes, even when we want to show someone how we feel through our actions, it's not possible because of things that get in the way. Maybe he's trying too, and the distance really is getting in the way. What was he doing instead on the 5 thanksgiving days he was home instead of being with you? Unless he had a good reason, he should definitely have spent this time with you. Long distance relationships require that you make the person that you love feel loved and secure. Is he doing that for you? If he's not, do you feel this is something worth fixing and talking about to get through?

 

The other thing you should think about is, a major rule for long-distance relationships is that you set a time in the future when the distance will end and you will see each other more often (as in you should make plans for the future). Without this sense of hope, a long-distance relationship is incredibly difficult. If you decide to stay with him, I would definitely talk to him about this. Good luck

[kungfumaster]

Hello lillady,

 

Yah - that is really strange that you guys just spent 3 whopping hours together out of a possible 5 days- in an LDR to boot. Maybe he wants to break up but is too cowardly to do it - sure, he probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but that's a given he continues to treat you this way, and stop hurting. Start living.

 

You deserve better.

Kung fu

[OceanEyes]

kungfumaster is right lillady.

 

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem as if he has the same idea of what a "relationship" is, and what is generally required.

 

If you two are in a long-distance relationship and he still only spent 3 hours with you (even though he was home for 5 days), I would start plotting a way out. Look at it this way: if you were the one who was away all the time, and had the chance to spend time with him, would you spend only 3 hours?

 

If you're happy being way down on his list of priorities, then stay. If you would rather feel important and have someone who can't stand being away from you, then I think it's time to start re-evaluating what you have with him.