Best advice I've ever heard for break-up guilt!!

[oitnb]

So I googled "how to get over guilt when you break up with someone" and read the best.advice.ever. :

 

"Think of it like this, if you weren't happy then most likely they weren't happy either. You removed yourself from there life and are giving them the chance to find someone who's better for them. Yeah it will take them a while to heal, but you didn't want to purposely hurt them. Some pain is unavoidable.

 

A surgeon doesn't feel bad for causing pain when they remove a tumor, do they? No, they don't. They know it will be a long painful recovery from the surgery but they know the patient will live a better life as a result of it. Try to remember this when your feeling dumper guilt."

 

Amazing! I will read this whenever I start to wallow in guilt.

[oitnb]

This is a total fallacy... And pretty disgusting to read from a dumpee perspective.

 

Having been dumped out of the blue after having been emotionally used, I think it's the worst advice ever and just that: some babble there to make up someone's mind. I was very happy, we were planning things and bam. Gone. So he left because I wasn't happy either? Who will dare telling me that watching me in the eyes?

 

Considering your situation there was a very few else to do beside quitting as your relationship had visibly run its course. This was the right thing to do. But guilt some dumpers feel when they have unfairly left someone who loved them and were not unhappy is maybe there for a reason.

 

This advice should be taken with caution.

 

Well obviously I don't intend people who have absolutely screwed there ex over to take this advice.

 

It's for people like me who had no other choice but to leave.

[oitnb]

But they could be taking it... It's still an advice for dumpers, whatever the nature of the break up, even if completely unfair, selfish and cruel. This is why I said it should be taken with caution. Because this is addressed to everyone.

 

If you must find relief to your guilt, I advice you to find it within you. You had all the rights and reasons to leave. What does make you feel guilty?

 

Just the fact that I broke up with him in general, and how much he's probably hurting.

 

He just came by when my dad and I went out to eat, and I my neighbor who's more like a family friend told him to leave and I guess my ex cussed him out and said he'd "kick his a***", and left.

 

Yeah if he wants to be a jerk about this I'm pretty sure my guilt will fade fast... Ughh.

[oitnb]

What you feel is normal. You left someone you still have strong feelings for, that's why. But you also left someone who didn't treat you very well lately. He could have done something but he didn't. He could have talked to you if something was wrong but he didn't. Yes, he's probably upset. But this will hopefully give him some time to think of his own behavior.

 

I honestly hope it does make him change, not because I want to get back with him, but because he'll have a pretty miserable life if he continues with his anger and sarcasm issues.

[mary123]

This is a total fallacy... And pretty disgusting to read from a dumpee perspective.

 

Having been dumped out of the blue after having been emotionally used, I think it's the worst advice ever and just that: some babble there to make up someone's mind. I was very happy, we were planning things and bam. Gone. So he left because I wasn't happy either? Who will dare telling me that watching me in the eyes?

 

Considering your situation there was a very few else to do beside quitting as your relationship had visibly run its course. This was the right thing to do. But guilt some dumpers feel when they have unfairly left someone who loved them and were not unhappy is maybe there for a reason.

 

This advice should be taken with caution.

 

Exactly. thank goodness the dumper has some advice to make them feel better, because I was loosing sleep over it.

[oitnb]

Exactly. thank goodness the dumper has some advice to make them feel better, because I was loosing sleep over it.

 

Yeah I left a slightly physically abusive and totally emotionally abusive relationship, so these snide comments aren't needed.

 

Every relationship I've been in I've been the dumpee, this is the first time I've ever broken up with someone. I'm not going around breaking hearts and then saying its okay.

 

This post was intended for people who had the courage to leave a horrible relationship, but are still feeling guilt over it.

 

Again, I repeat, this advice is not intended for all the jerks out there who leave without reason.

 

Kthanks.

[Cheetarah]

Yeah I left a slightly physically abusive and totally emotionally abusive relationship, so these snide comments aren't needed.

 

Every relationship I've been in I've been the dumpee, this is the first time I've ever broken up with someone. I'm not going around breaking hearts and then saying its okay.

 

This post was intended for people who had the courage to leave a horrible relationship, but are still feeling guilt over it.

 

Again, I repeat, this advice is not intended for all the jerks out there who leave without reason.

 

Kthanks.

 

I don't think you need to justify yourself or your decision. Contrary to popular belief, it's better to exit a relationship you do not feel content in. Most people with a heart are going to feel guilty, regardless of the circumstances leading them to come to such a decision. Even if they're horrid(sometimes, especially if they are). In the end...Someone has to do what they think is going to make them happy. Even it appears to us, as the ones who have been left behind, as awful, dysfunctional, disgusting - Whatever.

 

Fact is, if one person is unhappy in the relationship(for whatever reasons..even if it makes no sense to us..), it's not a happy and solid relationship. Both people need to be on the same wavelength. It is a matter of time before it breaks down. The people who exit out before we've had the chance or the awareness to see that breakdown in action are the ones who leave us thinking, "what the hell just happened.."

 

So, I understand the advice, actually. And I don't think anyone's answer is to wallow in guilt. It absolutely sucks to break up with someone and knowing it's going to inflict pain on a person you once did/still do care for. Sadly, the fact is that not most relationships end on a mutual note.

[oitnb]

Thank you.