Trying to get her back, can this work?

[atlas]

First of all, sorry this is soooo long. Well, I don't know who has followed my situation but to sum it up quickly, my gf broke up with me two weeks ago today-we were together for only 4 months (we had already agreed, not something either of us would do lightly, to get married). Due to certain circumstances in my life I became very clingy, needy, and, seriously, insecure with regard to our relationship. She had been telling me for about a month that she was feeling overwhelmed and needed it to change. We took a couple days away from eachother and, I thought, both came back ready to try to make it work...I guess she didn't feel it could. She told me that her needs weren't being met and that she didn't feel I would be there for her in the future...that it was always about me. Too true. I have done only two things since we broke up. First I have worked as much on myself and the reasons I was acting like that (seeing a therapist and getting back to who I was not too long ago) and, secondly, done nothing but think about how much I want her back, and how to get her back. She left for the week of thanksgiving (the whole week). Last time I talked to her was that last sunday. I left a message afterwards telling her that I was the man she thought I was and was going to focus on myself and that I hoped and really felt that she would see that over time and that it would work out. I then did not call her until thanksgiving to call and wish her and her fam a happy thanksgiving (I called again later that day to see if I could get a hold of her-I think she probably forgot or left her phone at home) I did and have not called after that. My plan is to show her the parts about me that she really loved-how sweet I was to her, that I always tried to help her, my frnds, and people in general. I want to do this while showing her that I am getting back to myself. My hope is that she will see the good in me that she saw before while seeing that I am working and have changed back into myself. Back into someone whom a relationship is possible with. So, my actions so far in this have been few. When in northern cal I picked up some beautiful leaves, when I got back I tied them to her favorite bag of cookies (cookies I had bought for her to take on the trip-she didn't have time to get them before) and attached a little note simply saying "welcome home". I then left them on her car for her to pick up that first morning she was back. I have not called at all, nor has she called me. There is this lecture series that she really wanted to go to so I made reservations for it next week and was thinking of calling sometime this week, being very upbeat (not at all what I feel) and asking her if she wants to go...if not wait, and try again down the road. I know everyone says nc is the way to go but I was really in the wrong and sort of lost myself and want to show her what could be-she did say at one point a couple of weeks ago that if this issue wasn't in the mix that she would be happy in the relationship. I just want to show her that I am removing it. She has said it is over, over but she also said that who knew what the future could bring. She says she just wants to be frnds and be supportive. Any thoughts?

[Drizown]

I haven't been keeping up-2-date on your current situation but from what I've read and from past experience I have some input.

During the summer, I was dating a guy named Jack. Ironically enough his sister was dating my cousin, and they have plans to marry and live together, so even if things had of worked it would have been awkward as ass. Ne way that's getting off topic. We were in love and had plans to marry as well, much like you. I'm the type of person who isn't afraid of committment but doesn't like to be overwhelmed with it so I totally understand where she is coming from. About 5 months into the relationship Jack started to get clingy and I felt smothered, and that I was in a corner so I backed out. He really wanted to try things again and said that things would change but after going through that it was clear that we just weren't meant for eachother, although he feels we are and continues to do so. What I'm saying is that as much as I hope things work out for you and your beau, I can't help but think that she won't reconsider, mainly because I know where she's coming from. My best suggestion is don't rush things, and do as she asks become close friends. Basically start out how you were before, and be sure to keep all clingyness aside, because that will just scare her off. Goal? Become friends and then whilst doing so try and make her see what's there.. the inner spark if you will with the goal being to turn the spark into a heated connection once again. If the flame doesn't re-ignite itself... then it wasn't meant to be.

**Best Of Luck**

[Drizown]

Ps. I'm not 15 I just made this account today and typoed the birth date.. im trying to figure out how to change it.

Peace*

[atlas]

Thank you for you input. Your advice matches exactly what I am planning on doing. First and foremost I intend to get out of the whole that destroyed what we had (and almost messed up my life at my new school, town, etc...). I am trying with everything I have to just sort of keep things at a medium with regard to distance. I want her to know I am here and see what is happening (while seeing the good things that she loves) for the good but I don't want to push her too soon into thinking or having to choose anything. I really am just going to be the person (as much as I can until I am completely back to myself) that I was and am...the person that she fell in love with. My hope is that through our frndship (although I am going to do a little more her, sweet things that don't involve too much pressure, but things that still show I care in a certain way without just blurting out how badly I want her back).

The one thing I am really kind of scared about is the thought that she may just want to cut ties completely. That I will call (probably later this week in order to invite her to the lecture) and she will not pick up or won't call back. Or, that she will pass on everything I ask her to do. I don't know...I am going to be patient though, I can't give up on this girl without a dedicated effort- she means too much to me. I wonder, actually--I know that if I call her cell that she may see my number calling and not pick up, forcing me to leave a message putting me in a position of wondering if she will call me back or not. I could, on the flip side, call her at home (50/50 chance she will pick up, she picks up her home line 50 % of the time). Or, I can call her at work. She will know, hands down that I am calling (since I am the only one who calls her there) and/but I know she will answer...???? Any suggestions?