Should you breakup if you feel there are too many issues to try to fix?

[oitnb]

My bf and I have so many issues. My family has caused a lot of them, but some of them are to blame because of us too.

 

He resents me because of my drug addict mother, my unreliabilty in jobs (I've struggled to find a steady Job with good pay since we moved in together.) I don't have friends, so I can be quite dependent on his company.

 

In fact, we just got Into a mini-argument because he went to go drink with his friend that I'm not fond of, and didn't invite me.

 

My point is, we have so many issues. I've been sensing lately that he might be distancing himself from me to soften the blow of an imminent breakup from him. Should I just bite the bullet and do it myself? Would it be healthier for us to just be single and start a clean slate with other people in the future, instead of weeding through all these issues now?

 

If I'm even having these thoughts...does that mean IM the one who wants a breakup?! I'm so confused. Fml.

 

Edit: also, our sex life has gone downhill fast. We're both to blame for this. We're young, 19 and 20. We should not be able to keep our hands off each other, but unfortunately it's not that way. We also struggle to communicate our feelings in a healthy way no matter how hard we try. We both are insecure and jealous. Lots of issues.

[beingawesome]

Tbh, your last line was what I was thinking since this is the second post you've written where you're not exactly breaking down at the thought of splitting. Not that it's a bad thing, it just might be a huge sign. Only you can decide whether you think it's worth it to stay in the relationship, since we don't know all the details and circumstances. But I suggest you think it all through, to prevent doing something you'll regret and causing yourself a lot more suffering later on. Ask yourself, how often are you happy in the relationship? If you wish you were happier, that's a problem. Does this person add value to your life? Do they expand it or confine it?

 

Having doubts in a relationship are normal, but if you find that you're getting to be ambivalent about being with him then it may be time to move on.

[oitnb]

I just... I don't know. I feel like we're both feeling this way but were both to scared to say anything about it.

 

I've been thinking a lot about guys from my past, how good they treated me even if they were short lived flings, my old friends that I don't see anymore, a lot of stuff.

 

I don't want to end this and regret it, but I don't want to stay if its not worth it too.

[mhowe]

I think you should bite the bullet. As you said, there are a ton of issues. And you are ambivalent.

 

Add to that, things like he went out for a drink with a friend you don't get along with --- and you wonder why you weren't invited. All of your threads point to the fact that you guys really are not a good match.

 

And, as you said you are 19/20. This should be fun --- not the drag it has become to both of you.

[oitnb]

I think you should bite the bullet. As you said, there are a ton of issues. And you are ambivalent.

 

Add to that, things like he went out for a drink with a friend you don't get along with --- and you wonder why you weren't invited. All of your threads point to the fact that you guys really are not a good match.

 

And, as you said you are 19/20. This should be fun --- not the drag it has become to both of you.

 

Oh mhowe, you always speak the truth even if hurts! I appreciate it. I might seem ambivalent, but it's because these are just THOUGHTS at the moment. Trust me, if we breakup, expect a lot of hesteric healing after breakup threads.

[mhowe]

There should not be that many issues at your age ---- their aren't a lot of ex's running around, there aren't kids.

You've got parental stuff, you've got jealousy. It's too much. It isn't supposed to be that hard.

[oitnb]

There should not be that many issues at your age ---- their aren't a lot of ex's running around, there aren't kids.

You've got parental stuff, you've got jealousy. It's too much. It isn't supposed to be that hard.

 

You're right. Very right. Maybe ill sit him down and do it after we move in two weeks, I can't stand the thought of doing it and then having to see him everyday for two weeks

 

Maybe he'll show his commitment and the distancing will stop within these next two weeks. I doubt that'll happen though

[Edmund Exley]

I don't get it anymore why young people have become so intent on staying in bad relationships as if they are married and need to fix it.

 

If it aint workin now it aint gonna work, and I assure you he lacks the emotional maturity to fix it. The fact that he resents you for your mother is proof of that.

[oitnb]

I don't get it anymore why young people have become so intent on staying in bad relationships as if they are married and need to fix it.

 

If it aint workin now it aint gonna work, and I assure you he lacks the emotional maturity to fix it. The fact that he resents you for your mother is proof of that.

 

I'm just so USED to him. Used to his touch, the way we cuddle, kiss, everything. It's scary to think I'd have to start that whole getting to know someone again some day. But that's no excuse to stay if im unhappy...

 

And my mother has screwed him/us over a lot. Stolen items, money, guitars, ran all the gas out of our vehicles, and most recently stole 688 in rent money.

[Edmund Exley]

You're too young to be used to someone. Before you know it you'll be 20. Then you'll be 30. Or you will end up pregnant. Then you will look and all of a sudden 15 years of being unhappy have passed by your eyes and you will say "Why did I stay with him, what did I do to my life"

 

I can give you plenty of references who will tell you how easily that happens simply because they were USED to him.

[Edmund Exley]

And no matter what your mother has done, YOU didn't do it and he has no right to resent you. He can just easily remove himself if he doesn't like what comes with your mother.

[oitnb]

You're too young to be used to someone. Before you know it you'll be 20. Then you'll be 30. Or you will end up pregnant. Then you will look and all of a sudden 15 years of being unhappy have passed by your eyes and you will say "Why did I stay with him, what did I do to my life"

 

I can give you plenty of references who will tell you how easily that happens simply because they were USED to him.

 

Yeah you're right...