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What's really important...

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I notice a bunch of topics that feature the title with the following formula:


(How hopeless you feel) + (Age) + Virgin + (Optional: # of relationships...usually 0).


Like "Lonely and disenfranchised 22 year-old virgin, never been in a serious relationship".


Why is this necessary? If you're going to post a pathetic personal ad, improve your marketing and try not to come up with a title to make yourself appear... well... pathetic.


But seriously, I don't think mentioning that you're a virgin is necessary because what does that signify? Nothing. I know plenty of people who have had sex but have yet to experience a true connection with a person or a lasting relationship. The number of times you've had sex is, in my opinion, extraneous and inconsequential.


Have you ever considered why you would (if you are one of these people) post something like that? Maybe you are slowly coming to terms with how uncomfortable you are with your sexuality? Maybe you have abandoned a perfectly good opportunity to be close to someone just because you didn't feel comfortable with them on a physical level? Maybe you are yearning for physical involvement more than personal involvement?


Get over it. With some people, their virginity is baggage rather than a badge. I think that society's obsession with sex has made some of us feel uncomfortable about our conscious/unconscious decision not to give it up so easily. I also think our natural genetic predisposition to "mate, feed, repeat..." spurs this discord as well.


Get over it. You haven't had sex yet. Great. That means you haven't had the experience of spooning on a moisture spotted sheet, a "two-pump dump", or waking up the next morning looking into the eyes of someone who means less to you than they had the night prior. With sex, like anything in life, there's good and bad, and some of us are already trying to balance the good and bad in life, and if you're bent out of shape about the fact that "everybody else has had more sex than me (funny flash movie if you haven't seen it)" then you're just adding more bad to the already delicate scale of life.


Get over it. Experience life as it comes and concentrate on making connections with people emotionally rather than worrying about your deficits in physical endeavors.


Thank you.

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This forum is a place people can go to get advice and to vent their frustrations. At some point we all feel depressed and discouraged with life. People who haven't had relationships are particularly prone to this feeling. Being one of those guys myself I can say that just being able to express your feelings is a help. It can release tension and frustration that has been building up inside you to the point where it starting to affect you emotionally and even physically. People need an outlet for their feelings and this is a good site for it. Most people here actually cares about others and want to take the time to help, even if it just means being a shoulder to cry on.


Society sends the message that sex is a vital to our life and that everyone is doing it. Everywhere you turn sex seems to come up. For virgins it is a big deal. They feel like they are missing out on something that everyone is doing. I agree, people shouldn't feel bad because they are a virgin. If anything, they should be proud of waiting for the right time and person. But it's understandable why they would feel down. If they need to express their feelings, they should and we should be their to listen.

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I agree with both. Yeah, sex should not be the focus of anyone's life because it is not the most important thing in a relationship. However, I don't believe that anyone who makes those types of posts is shallow or stupid. I think that their lack of experience is what makes them believe that it's something they need. Those of us who have been in sexual relationships are better able to put the experience where it belongs. We tend not to put it on a pedestal once we understand it. Those who DON'T understand it still see it as a huge benchmark. And they should. But only if they want it for the right reasons.


Having sex is a big deal. There are a lot of consequences as well as a lot of benefits. Even now I still value my sexual relationship with my partner, and it's not something I would take for granted. But I still remember when sex was this big, mystical thing to me. Now, it's realistic. But everyone feels different about it.

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