broke up but with a stupid reason.

[yamajii89]

hello so after 2 years of our relationship with my now EX, (we broke up a month from this post.) ive come to the other side the pain is gone but i still love her. (if that makes any sense)

 

Maybe i should elaborate on why we broke up.

 

a week before we broke up, we had a massive fight, and i admit at that fight i had a big EGO but so did she but i had a bigger one. I wrongfully said that i was sick of her attitude, ( she took this as a generalization) but just to be fair i followed it up with specifics , in particular i said i was sick of her attitude of breaking promises. I wanted her to take this as a challenge to gain back my trust as a relationship. a day later after the fight we came to a truce, i apologies first and so did she. little did i know that she didn't really mean it. a week after that she broke up with me because she couldnt take the fact that i said i was sick of her, it was still in her mind. (my fault) i was mad at something else at that time and i took it out on her. During the breakup however i felt a sense of pride that she finally broke out of her shell and spoke her mind, very brave of her since she has a very reserved attitude. I always thought i was going to be the one to break up.

 

i could understand her breaking up with me, but we talked about it for several hours she made me realized how much she appreciated our relationship and i didnt, she said that the main reason why she broke up is because i changed, i wasn't the loving caring person that she knew back then and that it hurts her to see me go away like that. she agreed to be friends. weirdly enough we fantasied of the possibility of starting over again going back to the good old days, she smiled and replied "yes i would love to but im too far away now it will take a very long time". she thought about it. (By the way, i intentionally changed myself because of the problems at the time, i didn't gave much attention to her anymore just to balance my life but i wasn't able to go back.)

 

....she thought about it and said that if you want to come back to those days, i can probably consider me courting her again but she didnt make it easy this time she had ground rules. of course she wanted to see the old me most of all.

 

now i am in a conflict here, i still love her and i fathom to the fond and love we had everyday still, not in pain but just for the joy of it. but i also am thinking of moving on and letting her go which is the most logical choice. but you know i don't mind being a martyr.

 

she is leaving town to go back home in about a month.

[yamajii89]

PS. i gues a part of me then wanted to break up, but now that we are really broken, i realized that i want back.

she told me the saying " a broken mirror can be fixed but the crack would still be there"

but i followed up. " unless we buy another mirror, we cant really use the old one thats broken" and so the parable goes