dealing with health concerns due to anxiety

[loveunsub]

So I'm in the process of letting go of everything from my breakup about 3 weeks ago (where I was the one dumped), but I realized from a friend that the ex gf is seeing a co-worker of ours, and they had been getting a bit friendly since 1 week after the breakup. And this co-worker is someone she said she would never date prior to our relationship. The relationship lasted 2 years, so I'm finding it a bit harder to let go since it has been the longest relationship I have been in. I had heard the news this past Friday, and ever since then I've had chest pains, chest tightness, and a bit of shortness of breath. I visited a doctor to get some anti-anxiety medications since I tried a variety of relaxation techniques that had worked for me before but are not working now. Whenever I get these episodes, it comes randomly, but sometimes just making a connection with something that relates to my ex-gf.

I just wanted to know if anyone else had experienced this during a recent breakup and what they did to overcome it. I know I still need more time to heal, but this condition is affecting my ability to work and function normally.

[freadrik]

Ah, the anxiety! The shortness of breath. The feelings of intense fear. The feeling that YOU MUST DO SOMETHING! It is normal. I am not a psychologist, or psychiatrist. And I have never visited one. But I have contemplated it. The anxiety for me was the worst. It would come out of nowhere and affected my work and my ability to do normal everyday tasks. I couldn't clean the house, or even pay my bills. It was soul-crushing.

 

For me, I just fought through those feelings. It wasn't easy. You have to DECIDE to carry on. The dishes still need to be done. When you do them, congratulate yourself. That is a VICTORY! Exercise, exercise, exercise!!! Feeling that wave of anxiety? Get on your shoes and go for a run. At work? Concentrate on every aspect of what you are doing. For me, at work, I work alone a lot. I talked through every step of a process to myself. If I had to open a Word document, I would talk to myself about every step it would take. Click the START bar, move the mouse to the Microsoft Office line, click Word, open it. Then detail in my mind every minute action it took to complete a task. Even if it was as simple as correcting a mistake in typing. "That's not how you spell their! What is the correct spelling? I learned this stuff in school!" Talk through the anxiety. Breathe! Tell yourself it will pass. This is normal.

 

One thing I felt was VERY helpful was tactile reinforcement. When you feel the wave of anxiety coming, pick something up. Feel its texture. Describe it to yourself. What does it feel like? What are some of its traits? Is it hard? Soft? Is it smooth? Hard? Do this until the wave passes. When it does, celebrate your victory. You are strong. You are more than your relationship with this person. You have value beyond your interaction with your ex. Resolve to do something after work for you. Plan it in your mind. Whether it is exercise, cleaning the house, washing the car, or calling a friend. Reward yourself. You are successful. You made it through that seemingly insurmountable moment. Congratulations! Build on that success. Set goals. Concentrate on you. You existed before you met them. You WILL exist after them. You deserve the best, and you will attain it.

 

Don't waste one more minute dwelling on the past. Look to the future. Your future. For certainly, you will be in it.

[SooSad33]

Yes, understandable, as you two were in a LTR? I (we on here), understand what you're going through. BIG time after affects from a break up- most often the dumpee's point of view.

I am also dealing with a loss (5 yrs) and on month 3, sadly, still hurting and I am on anti depr and anxiety med's. Takes roughly a month or so to work much- but i'm not waking up with attacks much anymore, though I do still feel it when i'm out. I start counseling next week.

Yes, it will take some time. And as you take a look around here and look at what other's have posted you'll see what other's have gone through, what other's think and suggest.

Take care and work on YOU.. to aim at healing. Slowly but surely. ( One day at a time).

[SooSad33]

Very good Freadrik- I will work on those.. but 'moving on' is sometimes easier said than done..

Been working on that for weeks!

[tmp110314]

I've been dealing with this for 44 years. In the beginning, it was unbearable. Going into the military and a tour in Vietnam helped me function - but, that's not an option for you. I functioned at various levels of anxiety for those 44 years. On August 2nd, 2013, I had a meeting with my first love with whom I wanted to spend my life with all these years. We spent 8 hours together and when she left to go home, I had the most horrific anxiety attack of my life. Frankly, I thought it was the end and would have welcomed it as a reprieve from the pain of her departure.

 

How does one deal with this anxiety? I can't go to any of the 'psych.ists'. I guess I'm just not ready to let her go from my heart. The separation from her is like bereaving the death of a loved one. Even though she lived her life away from me, had four failed marriages, and now loves a man that is in love with her daughter and won't return her love, I still have these very intense feeling for her that I don't feel complete without her. I understand that she will never be with me and, as I get into my twilight years, I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that I'll go to my death bed without her at my side.

 

For me, exercise and other distractions have had limited effects on relieving the pain. This anxiety has taken me to the floor (literally) with all the symptoms you describe with even more severe shortness of breath. Several times I really thought it was the end and made no attempt to call 911.

 

Can it be different for you? Who knows. As everyone keeps saying, "Time will heal ...." but, in the final analysis, it is what we want to do to get over it - IF we want to. What would motivate me may not motivate you. For me, a dedicated and loving woman with similar values and interests is all I ever wanted. Miss America? No. None of us are perfect.

 

You sound like a younger person. Take some time to better define just whom you are. If I had separated my own identity from my wants and desires to be an integral part of a life partner, I may not have ended up the way I am. It's too late for me, but for you? Think about it.

[spinape]

The anxiety will go away. Give it time, trust me. I have social anxiety and ADD. So I deal with anxiety. My wife of 5 years left me. The first month was awful with panic attacks. It's all about your mind cycles, you really can't stop them, but they become more rational over time. I'm now at 3 months and its getting better. Anxiety is fading and focusing on my future. Your mind will put you through hell for a bit, but try to think rational is my advice. CBT is helpful. It's a bad situation, but it will get better

[spinape]

Also, I personally recommend not taking the meds. They can be awful coming off, plus they are basically chemical castration. It does get better. I took them for 4 days and threw them in the garbage. Plus, honestly wish her well in her life. I did it, it was a mature way of letting go on a good note. Her relatonship sounds like a rebound, it won't last, but who cares anyway?

[sharky988]

I just wanted to counter the above with another opinion to consider, as I've had good experiences using meds short-term after a previous breakup. I've also used natural anti-anxiety and anti-depressants combined with exercise as effective coping tools.

 

I also wouldn't assume her new interest is "just a rebound" and write it off -- it's just as likely this person was on her radar before the breakup. But try not to think about her or any new relationship she's in right now -- at three weeks, your number one job is to try to keep the focus on YOU, on feeling better and getting through each day.

 

Have you read the guide in my signature? There's lots of great stuff there.