9th day of NC. How to calm down during the anxiety attacks cause by loneliness?

[PrettyGood]

Not so long ago I've read " FlyingPiggy's Long and Detailed Guide to Break-Up Recovery" which led me to remove my ex from FB, Skype, mobile phone and other applications. I didn't contacted him in 9 days already. Still, the feeling of loneliness is unbearable. Of course, I've stopped self-starvation process which I've unconsciously started after I've been dumped. I even went to a date with a really good guy - just to spend time not to think about my ex and get out of my house when my friends and my relatives can't find time for me. The date was interesting; however, I understood that I'm not ready to start any new relationship, because I've been always comparing him to my ex in my mind and some of his features (like 2 unshaved hairs on his cheek, a high pitched voice and constant trying to hold my hand gently) drove me nuts. So I stopped dating him. Now I'm continuing sitting at home all alone and practically I can tell you that it not only drives me crazy, but it also causes a physical pain doing NC. I don't know how to calm down. I feel anxiety attacks caused by this loneliness 3-5 times a day and they're so strong, I want to kill myself. I started drinking natural medicine to calm myself down when it happens. Any other tips how not to make myself crazy and adjust to being alone when I was used to live together with a person for a long time?

[bwhite00]

I'm in the same boat. Unfortunately, I've been in steady contact and am continuing to sleep with my ex. Don't go that route. I'm taking a break, if its to be itll be... we both agreed no contact is best not out of animosity just out of respect for each other. i was mad as hell at her but now im just... understanding why it happened.

 

its hard to take in.

i would never leave her for all the gold in fort knox.

i feel your pain.

 

but it takes time to heal.

 

we broke up once about 2 yrs ago, i did a year NC but constantly thought about her the whole time...

 

after a few months, reality will set in one way or another. the only way to defeat the loneliness is to accept current reality not fight it, and choose to feel good regardless of the relationship situation.

[Svintus]

Hi!

First of all, let me tell you that your anxiety attacks are not caused by loneliness, but (most likely) thoughts about the guy you broke up with. When you are going through this, the smallest possible thought can progress into overwhelming flow of memories and imaginary pictures that would cause unbearable anxiety attacks. Guess how I know that?

You know, last year in a very similar situation I lost 18 lbs in 14 days. 10% of my body weight. I couldn't eat or sleep.

 

Going on a date is not a bad idea if you don't expect anything special. Because if you do, every single date with a new person will turn into a huge disappointment and drive you into deeper depression.

9 days of NC is not much at all.

 

My advice: If you don't start feeling better in a couple of months, you should see a doctor and explain the whole situation in great detail (severity, frequency and length of anxiety attacks).

You'll get help and feel good in a matter of weeks.

[Red Tie]

Im gonna be NC two weeks tomorrow. I still get the anxiety urges like you do.

Dont fall into a drinking this or that thing. Its all in your head! You have the strenght to control yourself. You love yourself to the point that you will overcome it.

 

Whenever the urges come, wash your face with cold water. Look yourself in the mirror and shout to yourself: "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Give yourself a good wet slap like you just reprehended a little brat that annoys the hell out of you. Counter attack all the good memories that are surfacing in that moment by verbalizing the bad ones while looking at yourself in the mirror. Dont give yourself a slack! Think of yourself has your own private personal trainer. You had the hability to get yourself to this point in life and you have the hability to pull yourself out. Dont ever, ever think you are not capable of pulling it off! Never sell yourself short!

 

You will continue NC and you will get better!

Good things take time. Great things take a long time. And the best things take the longest time! Hang in there!

[sharky988]

Please don't go on any dates yet. It's only going to make you feel worse because it's going to bring up feelings for your ex -- and it's going to potentially hurt anyone who's interested in you romantically.

 

It's never okay to use someone to get over someone else.

 

For the loneliness --what about your friends? Surely your whole social life doesn't revolve around whoever you're dating at the time. If this is the case -- then it's time to make more friends! Checkout link removed, volunteer at a local animal shelter, take classes and learn about new hobbies and other things you love. Doing this is going to bring more FRIENDSHIPS into your life, and that's always a good thing.

 

If you're missing Facebook, you don't have to disable your account -- simply BLOCK your ex. Then he won't pop up anywhere and can't see anything you post, either.

 

For anxiety, the number one best cure is EXERCISE. Every day, walk for hours. Or go to the gym and work out for an hour or take a class. Or start jogging -- really challenge yourself. It's going to make you calmer and happier. Also there's other supplements you can take for anxiety and depression -- Google about valerian, St. John's Wort, fish oil, sam-E, kava kava..... cammomile tea is also excellent for panic attacks..... and there's also homeopathic remedies you can buy at most drug stores or health food stores for anxiety and stress.

 

There's also something to be said for learning to feel less lonely when you're alone. Are you challenging yourself enough in life? Do you have things you love to do on your own? You might need to take on some new life goals or new skills.... these make being alone feel less lonely, and actually FUN. I work on my own and my greatest joys and accomplishments happen when I'm alone because of that..... so while the goal isn't to become a hermit, maybe you just need to try new things on your own?

 

Anyhow, I'm just throwing out ideas. Hope something's helpful -- and best of luck with it!

[aseeker]

I was in a LDR with my ex, barely saw him, and the break-up was so hard for me. So I can only imagine what it is for you! A lot worse, I assume. I also engaged in self-starvation, not voluntarily but because I couldn't keep anything in my stomach. I was always nervous and anxious, so I felt nauseous and never hungry. I just ate to survive, minimally.

My advise is keeping busy and try to come in terms with your feelings as much as possible. Also, keep up the NC for a long, long time. Possibly forever if that's what it takes. It will help a lot.

Improve yourself, do things you like, be as happy as you possibly can. Be with friends and family, reconnect, join different activities and groups. Start anew

[Harmonique]

Try to find a way to best release your emotion if you can't distract it.

 

For me during the first 2months when the anxiety were really strong, i would typed them out in blog posts, but saved them as drafts. At least i felt more relief after releasing the strong feelings inside. From few posts a day, to 1 per day, to days per post, to gradually now i stopped doing it.

 

Now i don't feel the strong anxiety anymore. This is when distraction works in better control. I do miss her everyday, but i would put a limit to my emotions. I will distract myself with games or forums when i feel that i'm emotionally sinking in.

 

Discover what are the suitable ways for yourself, keep going!

[PrettyGood]

Thank you guys for your advices, support and time to read my posts and reply

[bwhite00]

it's been 7 days for me and i've broken it every day since, seen her twice, had sex w/her 3x, made a complete and utter fool on stupid psych medications i never should've taken, and lost my temper a handful of times too.... don't do what i did. Rough two weeks lol but its getting better. I dont' have the answer though I still OCD contact her. This sux.

[PrettyGood]

I don't contact him. My NC still continues; however, it's so dificult emotionally. I read a motivational literature about love which says that sooner or later we will find out significant other. But it's so difficult to feel alone! I'm working a lot to put all my emotional stress to profit and buy something big and good later. It's unbearable how difficult it is to feel so lonely in NC. My parents doesn't care, my friends heard my story dozen of times and they don't want to listen either and I want to talk about it over and over again. I want all the world to know how hurt I am.