Why do guys hate us after the breakup? (sorry it's so long)

[JociePoo]

I was previously in a 9 month relationship and broke it off about 3 weeks to a month ago because my boyfriend was very self-absorbed, paranoid, and a real jerk at that. He would come to me and completely bi*** me out about absolutely nothing (that's what it semed to me). He once started a huge argument because we were having an online conversation and I told him I had to log off, and that I was dialing his number on my phone right then and to answer, and then logged off and listened on the phone for him. When he picked up the phone he was very quiet then bursted out with "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY I LOVE YOU BEFORE YOU GOT OFF?" ... -_-

 

He was very, very controlling, insulted my school (I attend a small Catholic school, there are no more then 10 highschoolers), my family, and my friends. He never wanted me to go out anywhere, and if I did get to slip away for an afternoon out with a few of my friends (whether it be male or female), he would be calling my cell phone literally every 20-30 minutes.

 

Over this past summer I went on a month-long vacation to california, Las Vegas, and Chicago with my family and I had a pattern of calling him at night when there was down time and I wasn't spending time with my family and I couldjust relax and talk to him. Every night I would get this from him "WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME? I was SO worried. You didn't call me ALL DAY Jocelyn. I'm so sick of this" It was all just so overwhelming.

 

He would constantly call my other out of her name (she is a little strict on me, calls me out of my name an disults me constantly), he insulted my school, saying horrible things about my religiona nd how stupid it is, and how I'm not getting any reality at my school (he goes to a public school). He would constantly bug me about enjoying parties, get-togethers, chatting with certain people. It got to the point where we would be arguing every night about something that bothered him that I've done or that I was participating in and how he didn't like it and how he hated it that I was so social and how I was always so friendly with other people and he would go balistic if ANY guy spoke with me or if they had ANY excuse for touching me, even if it was to hug me from the side. And if they were jokingly flirty, he lost his head..... it was all just so enourmously overwhelming I just couldn't take it anymore. He also had a horrible temper and would throw things at me and kick things over when we were fighting if he got hot-headed or if things weren't going his way.

 

I forgot to mention that there was a girl, I won't mention her name.. let's call her Julie. My boyfriend and I signed up for a drama class together, along with my best friend Sam ( girl), of whom I've known since we were both 7 or 8 years old. (He downtalked her as well) I was a technical and he was an actor, always getting lead roles with Julie and just doing great. Keep in mind that Julie has a boyfriend of two years. Well, I quit drama for some time to catch up on some schooling, and my boyfriend continued. A few months later I find out that he's been overly touchy-feely with Julie, and when I confronted him about it he lies about it, then says he has feelings for her and breaks thing off with me. We were separated for about a week then got back together after he figured himself out and realised he couldn't live without me. schmuck.

 

So were back together and I yet still hear things about him and Julie. So anyways about 3 months later I break it off after a heated argument (about my ex showing up at my best friend Sam's house one night when I was over watching movies, he was there for say, an hour tops, keep in mind he lives in England and has another girlfriend.)when he threw a flashlight at my head and he got so angry he just left, I was crying and everything was crazy. So we get back together about a week later and tings are no different. Were still fighting everyday and everyting's still crazy. I find out things haven't changed with him and Julie and we go on a break. He denies it of course, lying. This situation hurt me so much. He claims solove her, and then he claimed to just like her because she's a nice person. Meanwile, backstage at drama, he's VERY touchy-feely from what I hear. So we go on a truce. We decide together to break up, and when I returned to drama I saw it for myself the kind of physical reationship they had. It crushed me like a watermelon being ran over by a car... to pieces.

 

Well, we eventually got back together, never worked things out, he lies again about Julie, he's still controlling and blows up about a good friend of mine that I had dated for about a year before we got together, that I've got back into contact with, and who I see about twice a year (he cant drive and he lives about an hour away) I got interrigations about "do you still love him" and all this and I just couldn't take it, so I broke it off about a month ago. I am perfectly happy right now (definitely stress-free), but he had a hard time sinking it all in. Shortly afterwards, he called me a bi***of two occasions, told me to go to hell, told me i never loved him nor cared about him (which is entirely not true, I tried my best), and blocked me from his life completely, then began dating a ver, very short and ugly chinese/hispanic girl from Drama, which he quit because of stress from the breakup.

 

I guess, my whole reason for writing this enormously long post and ranting, was o get it out of my system and for you to get the whole picture.

 

My real question is.. why did he block me out? Why does he hate me and claim not to love me aynmore? I made it clear that I was not upset with him, that I wanted this to end on a good note, and that i wanted to be friends and not hate each other. That I still loved him and cared and just felt it was best for both of us if we weren't on such a serious level. He blew upand threatened my ex, theone I dated for a year.

 

Well, that's it, hopefully someone will actually read this an mabe some guys will reply.

[ForAnother]

Sounds extremely insecure with himself. You were right in getting out of there. (sry it was long, i read the first 3 paragraphs and I got an idea of this guy). He has little respect from what I see for you. I wonder why you would want his kindness.. him hating you is because he is stupid... honestly. He needs to relax, and not worry so much. "Why didn't you call me" is a red flag in my book. Never continue dating someoen after they say that... haha..

 

Don't get worked up, there are better guys out there.

 

ForAnother

[gersanos]

Your situation is a little bit different than the rest. This guy is very insecure. Jealousy, control, possessiveness, etc., these are all rooted in insecurity.

 

When most guys "hate" a girl after she breaks up with him, it's because he's crushed, still wants to be with her, etc. It's heartache, expectations, feelings, etc. It's a blow to the ego. It's rejection. Still a form of insecurity.

 

Stay away from this guy. There are red flags all over the place with him. He is not stable. He cannot control any of his emotions.

 

I had a girl ask me once after she broke up with me if I hate her. I told her no, why would that be the case? I was very angry because she led me on in the end, was a coward, and did not tell me everything that was going on. Instead, she expected me to figure it all out and end it, even though we talked about and agreed to make it work. I never hated her, but was angry for being lied to and hurt. I just told her to stay away from me, but wished her well and thanks for memories, etc. She might think I hate her b/c I ignored her and told her to F off, in other words. Not a form of hate for me. I was hurt and was protecting myself.

 

And the friends part: there is no point in that. If I break up with a girl, I do not offer friendship. It's a waste of time. I break up with her because I don't want to be with her anymore, and I know that being friends is going to do nothing but prolong her agony. Better to make a clean break. When a girl has broken up with me & offers friendship, I reject it. There's no point in it. It'll only make me worse off and delay my healing. The one breaking up has thought about it for a while and has detached themselves emotionally somewhat, while the other has not. The offer of friendship does little but lessen guilt, makes you feel like your still a good person, and keeps it civil and socailly acceptable. I try to just cut through all the BS, and make a clean break. Just go your separate ways.

[Outlaw2747]

Seems like that dude did have some issues. You are young (as am I) but here is some advice. Love is a TEAM EFFORT. And the objective of a relationship like that is happiness. Well, if you are not happy with the relationship then the purpose has been defeated. You were not happy with the guy and you tried to deal with him but he was too difficult. So you did the right thing by breaking off a hopeless situation.

 

Now why do guys hate girls after they get broken off? One would be because of immaturity. Sometimes a guy gets dumped because he was too immature (your ex for example) and are not man enough to admit they are wrong. Another reason would be that there are so many bad guys out there, when a NICE guy gets dumped, he feels f'ed over because he is one of the few that actually wants to make something happen other than sex. And the most sinister reason (and I have been in this situation MANY times) is when a girl breaks up with a guy for sinister motives. I hope this provided some answers to your question. Best of luck to you.

[boomer1619]

hey, you should not worry one ounce for this guy. Hes a jerk, terrible at relationships, manipulative, controling, possessive, abusive. All the things that you should never want in a companion.

 

Guys hate it when they get dumped by a girl that they really care about. It sucks. men in general have a hard time showing who they really are emotonally. when we finally find someone we can get deep with, we really find that to be a unique connection. If we get dumped all of a sudden (especially if we were a great and respectable gentleman) we are miserable FOR A WHILE. We dont understand female mentality. men really dwell for a while when we get burned. It sucks.

 

But again, these are things to think about FOR A GOOD GUY YOU DUMP, not the jerk you thankfully got rid of. Just be insightful for the good guys, we finish last all the time, but were in the race, and we try our hardest to find a great mate to respect, love, and cherish. hang in there.