Guys: How much do you value a woman's intelligence?

[Double J]

This question really goes out to the guys, but you ladies are free to comment. How much do you look into how intelligent a woman is if you're examining her potential as a partner for you?

 

Personally, intelligence is one of the most important qualities I look for in a girl. I've been with girls that have been attractive, but far below me in the intelligence department, so the looks were not able to sustain the relationship alone. Since I consider myself bright, I need someone bright as well to teach me new things, just as I can teach her.

 

A woman who is a 6 in looks but intelligent probably goes up to an 8 in my book. Being bright just gives her more value. When I say "intelligent," that does encompass cultural awareness, street smarts, book smarts, and the like.

 

What do you guys think?

[under_the_pressure]

I know this question is for the guys but you said ladies could comment too. So, I'm going to leave my 2 cents.

 

I'm not looking for a life long partner, but even still; intellingence is very important.

 

I was with a guy one time, and we could never have a conversation other than "Hey, how are you" because he had no idea what to talk about. He had no idea what was going on with the world or anything.

 

The bottom line: intelligence is very important.

 

Great topic. I wondered if I was the only one.

 

under*

[SkyFire]

Intelligence is important. If a girl is good looking but lacking intelligence, I would not date her.

[defygravity]

I am also female but I will also comment...

 

I have heard many guys say that intelligence is important....my friends had a conversation about this a few weeks ago....the five males involved in the conversation agreed that in the long run, intelligence is much more important than looks....The females involved (including myself) also agreed on the importance of intelligence...

 

So from what I've heard and from what I personally think, both males and females look for an intelligent bf/gf...

[MaoMao]

I think that you both have to be on the same level for anything to ever work, so values and attitudes as well as their state of mind is also important. A person can be intelligent but doesn't necessarily mean that they share the same values as you.

[ShySoul]

Intelligence is very important. You can be extremely attracted to each other physically but there has to be something else there. You can't cuddle and kiss all the time, sooner or later your going to have to be able to hold conversations with each other. If there's nothing for you to talk about then that's going to drag the relationship down pretty fast. Personally I think I'm a very philosophical person so I value people I can have deep, meaningful conversations with. But you should also consider that there are different types of intelligence. Someone may not be up on politics but be very knowlegable on philosphy. As long as your interests and knowledge on topics matches then your good.

[BCBoy81]

Intelligence is #1 if you want to have a lasting relationship. The last girl I went out with, although yes, she had a brain injury, was below average intelligence. She had 3 main topics of conversation: What She did today, What she'll do tomorrow and what cute thing the kitty did. Can you base a relationship on that? Heck no.

 

I decided to dump her when she spelled "our", "ower"

 

That wasn't the only reason, but that was the last straw. I could go into more detail but this isn't the right forum.

[sisterlynch]

I was listening to a radio station the other day and they were talking about the different reasons that people cheat...many women think that men only cheat with women who are better looking than the one that they have. This normally isn't true. It is normally the intelligence that the person is looking for to enliven their days. We have relationships with people who make us feel better. The person has something that we feel that we are lacking in our own lives.

 

This is what attracts us to members of the opposite sex, we see something in the person that we feel that we are lacking in ourselves. People who are intelligent and present themselves well normally have lot of confidence. This is the quality that others are often looking for and we can spot the signs of confidence easily. Confident people are normally kind and generous. These are signs that people look for in a relationship too.

[jbutterfly2020]

Intelligence is extremely important for me. And it sounds like it is for everyone else!

 

I consider myself intelligent in a wide range of subjects. A guy can catch my interest by his looks but he must have substance to keep my interest. I want a guy that knows things that I know PLUS even more things. I want to get into intense conversations that last for hours.

 

My X, for example, wasn't top of his class and wasn't going to college. But he read alot of books and was a musician. We could go back and forth about social issues or history. It was amazing. A lot of our friends could never understand us since we were so different. Yes I know I should not use my past relationship to judge my future ones, but that was a great attribute that I want in any relationship.

[SweetGemini]

being mentally stimulated is far more important than being visually stimulated...

[Guarana Galrok]

Intelligence isn't really that important. As long as a girl isn't 'stupid' or lower, I am fine. I like an Einstein and someone of moderate intelligence just the same.

[ducky]

Intelligence is very important to me! I just don't click with shallow girls. I prefer someone mature and intelligent, someone who can engage me, someone whom I can confide in. Looks will always provide the initial attraction, but after one or two dates, I will usually lose interest in shallow girls.

 

So yep, intelligence and maturity rank right up there too. And of course she must be decent looking, at least to me

[Goddess4ever]

I completely agree with the poster and all comments made after. However, this may sound really cynical, but I find there is a huge difference sometimes with what people SAY they want and what they actually go for. In my experience, and that of my friends, and people I talk to....I am finding that men are seriously intimidated by intellegence. This may sound arrogant, but my friends and I consider ourselves intellegent people, and we don't consider ourselves self-righteous because of that. I have heard many times from guys that they are looking for someone smart, someone friendly, someone they can talk to, someone that doesn't play games, etc, etc. Then they go chasing after the bar twit swiveling down the road.

 

This is not to say all men or women by ANY means. But in my personal experience, men have been intimadated by my intellegence, intimidated by my forthrightness, and intimidated by my knowledge. They walk away feeling "emasculated". However, I am not about to "dumb down" so someone feels better about themselves. It is kind of a catch-22 I guess. This is an excellent topic! I look forward to reading more posts!

[Queen_Midas]

As an intelligent girl I'm glad that most guys agree that it's important but.. isn't it also the case that sometimes guys are intimidated by really smart girls?

[ducky]

As an intelligent girl I'm glad that most guys agree that it's important but.. isn't it also the case that sometimes guys are intimidated by really smart girls?

 

Not if you think you're smart too! Personally find smart girls very engaging. They're a challenge to talk to!

[helpneeded]

erm......ok, so guys like intelligent girls......but all the guys who have fancied me have never been able 2 match up to me though....and thereforeeee i'm never attracted to them. so i've only ever dated a few. i've never come accross a more intelligent guy (no, i'm not trying to be arrogant, sorry if it comes accross that way) so its a bit difficult 4 me. i've also been told that i'm good looking. but i get the impression that guys r abit intimidated and afraid to ask me out, this guy was telling me the other day that he feared rejection.....

 

y can't a highly intelligent guy just come along?! i know its just a matter of time, but i find it extremely annoying that noone smart pursues me!

[corvidae]

That's a tough one to answer. You haven't really defined 'intelligence' for starters. Do you mean you want a man that possesses a great deal of knowledge? Or one with a very high IQ (ability to think laterally and problem solve)? Or perhaps you'd like a man who is very well educated and with whom you can discuss literature, maths, art and so on. Or (if you're very demanding), maybe you want someone that's all that (and more)? Also, and I'm trying to phrase this so I don't sound rude, a lot of women often say they have trouble finding men because they are too 'successful' or too 'intelligent' and that they 'intimidate' the men. From my experience that isn't typically true. Usually it's a case of there being some other problem which the women don't want to admit to, so they blame it all on what is a positive quality in them (success, power, intelligence) and a negative quality in others (being easily intimidated).

 

Look. From your message I can't pick out a few misconceptions you have about us men. Firstly you must understand that when a man is in love (or infatuated or just likes you) he is at his most foolish. Stephin Merritt says it best when he compares love to a bottle of gin (turns a genius into an ass, and makes a fool think he is wise), so when a guy likes you you're not seeing him at his best. Secondly, men are frightened of rejection BY EVERYONE, not just because the girl they like is smart. Even if you were the dumbest creature on earth guys would still be scared to ask you out and frightened of rejection. Why? Because it's a complete fallacy that the fear of rejection is any less for men than it is for women. Most women NEVER pursue men or make any effort because they are frightened. But then they tell themselves that it's OK for men to do what they (the women) are too frightened to do because men 'feel things differently'. Rubbish. When a man asks a woman out, any woman, he is overcoming a barrel load of fear. This is always true; YOU ARE NOT A SPECIAL CASE. Lastly, and this refers to your last comment, you want a smart man to pursue you? Pursue, as in chase? As in implying you are running away (metaphorically speaking of course)? Not a very good attitude. Why don't you go looking for a guy? Why don't you make some effort? Wouldn't that be the clever thing to do? What is it with women that they want to be 'chased' and 'caught'? A lot of men (particularly intelligent men) hate that.

[helpneeded]

hey, thx 4 the reply.....intelligence......just someone i can learn alot more from......high IQ with wide knowledge too!

yes i have noticed that guys become more foolish than usual when they fall for someone! ur right.

as for 'pursue'.....initially it will be the case of me being chased but if its the right person i won't 'run away'. there has been times when i've had to 'run away' cos i don't want to say yes or commit myself to someone for the sake of having a bf when i know i don't like them, i'm not that shallow.

i can't say i'm deliberately looking for guys, and i think personally i'm more used to going out with guys who were friends first, so i know i actually know the person well enough. yes i know its the 21st century and maybe i should b asking guys out....but still, its just not my sort of style. i'd rather wait for someone to come to me....maybe cos then i know they're genuinely interested (seeing as they have the courage and have overcome their fear) and perhaps cos i know that they like me more than i like them! (girls can b really scared of getting hurt, so in a way if the guy likes u more, then its always nicer)........

[Double J]

Something I'd like to tack on:

 

Just like a person can be very self-conscious of their looks, they can also be very self-conscious of their intelligence, and this might make the person a little stuck-up or gives the person a sense of being "better" than others. I'm not saying this applies to all bright people, but some that you should avoid. I really prefer girls that are at my level of intelligence or maybe slightly lower.

[sisterlynch]

Here is something else that I saw--curiosity and desire can help in dating long-term. Curiosity is often a sign of intelligence and desire makes someone easy to please. These would also be excellent traits in someone that you are dating.

 

Curiosity would lead the person to try out new things and desire is the energy to do the new thing. These traits can be lost in our need for habbits and routines that "make" sense...

[Outlaw2747]

I hold intelligence in high regard, no matter how hot OR nice a girl is. I find a smart girl very attractive. But in short, if a girl thinks that a quarterback is a refund, then it is time to get the heck outta dodge.

[sisterlynch]

Out Law,

 

You like a girl that knows about sports, then? Is that what you meant by the quarterback comment?

 

That reminds me of the girl that my husband had dated before he and I started to date...he was going to England on vacation and she asked him if he was going to see the Eiffel Tower?

 

Can you actaully see the Eiffel Tower from England? That is a question that maybe someone in the UK could answer....I am guessing no!

 

He broke up with her, because -- I guess she was such a silly girl! She also had a bf that she wouldn't break up with....oh I digress!

[asdf]

to be honest, it kind of depends on how well it compliments her personality.

 

i'm a pretty intelligent guy (as in i was doing the highest level of maths known to man when i was 13 years old) and i've met a lot of intelligent people, some very intellingent, some only slightly intelligent. but to be honest, i found that most of them are quite condescending. there are a lot of nice intelligent people too, but just because somebody is intelligent does not make them nicer, or any more fun to be around with. in fact, higher levels of intelligence are more likely to create serious personality issues

 

sometimes a girl who is a bit ditsy can be quite cute.

[ducky]

Out Law,

You like a girl that knows about sports, then? Is that what you meant by the quarterback comment?

I think he meant a quarter can be a refund, but a quarterback is nothing like a quarter! If someone thinks that a quarterback is part of a refund, then something must be wrong! In short, Outlaw dislikes shallow people. Yeah, but that example was perhaps biased against those with no idea about certain sports. In UK, we're crazy over football (or soccer, as you will prefer to call it), few will have heard of quarterback unless they watch American football.

 

Can you actaully see the Eiffel Tower from England? That is a question that maybe someone in the UK could answer....I am guessing no!

No you can't. You're right on that one

[Outlaw2747]

LOL, ya got the idea. I don't like shallow people but that's a different story and forum. The joke had nothing to do with sports at all, but it had to do with intelligence. It was a joke pointing at someone with bascially no brains....hahahaha! As for girls being ditzy and cute and smart girls being a problem, those can be true as well. but that is where you need to find a smart AND nice girl...not the type that wants to show people up and be mean. And if the ditzyness seems completely innocent, I GUESS you can deem that cute...