Who exactly is "the right one"? How do we know?

[fallen]

I think compatibility also depends on where each person is in their life, and in maturation. As Mahlina said, she had to grow up a lot faster than most, so she can be more compatible with older guys. I feel the same as well..although I think my crush may feel differently. He is about 5 years older than me (I'm 21, he's 26) and although some people may say that's way too big an age difference, I feel like we can really connect. I think that may be why he would be hesitant to date me though, perhaps he wants someone more his own age..

 

It's hard to know who's 'right' when you're this young though. But once your personality has been fully developed, and you've experienced a lot in life, dated people & have your goals, etc. then I think you'll be in a better position as well. We all have different needs. If your guy is a lot older than you, maybe he feels that he wants to settle down & doesn't think you can offer that yet..I don't know. People ultimately see things through different lens, you can't force them to see what you see, because you can't force love. Love is reciprocal..once he realizes that you should date, it will happen. If he doesn't, then you'll find someone else who shares a more similar mindset.

 

That's just my thoughts on it anyways..

[Double J]

My pleasure, Mahlina. You guys have come up with some pretty good stuff, and I'm glad you've been sharing your experiences with the rest of us. You brought up a good point, Fallen, about being hard to distinguish who is right for us at this age when we are still in the process of getting to know ourselves. I think a lot of the things that come to us in life happen because of timing. You might meet someone you're interested in, but that person has just broken up with their ex, so they're not interested. Or you might meet someone that's too busy with school work and other tasks, but in 3 months when they'd have more time you'd probably get tired of waiting.

 

So many of us have such busy lives that fitting in a relationship isn't always easy. I think you meet the right person (or who might very well be the right person) when both of you have similar goals and desires - you both are looking for a long-term relationship, you both can see each other every so often, etc. Relationships are a matter of compromise - and if one person is not willing to do their end of the bargain, it's just not going to work out.

 

It's very possible for a person to give you the "I'm not ready for this" speech and then reach you 2 months later asking for another opportunity, and that's fine. But I've learned that if you have to be the one putting in all the effort - then you're just settling for less - someone who is not giving you as much attention or is not as devoted to you as you are to them.

[fallen]

hmm..you've made some good points, Double J. I think you're right here - the relationship I'm seeking wouldn't work out in any case because he's just not interested. We have different goals in mind, and are in different stages in life. I'm putting a lot more effort into being friendly than he is as well..and the attraction should be mutual/reciprocal, not forced. When both parties don't want to date, there's really no chance there. So the best strategy is to move on. Thanks..

[Double J]

Yeah, fallen, I've been in your shoes before. If the guy you're interested in doesn't respond soon, I'm sure you're going to get tired and you'll move on. There's a saying that goes "If you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be" and that makes pretty good sense. If the person you like sees you have moved on and they don't really care, then obviously you're wasting your time. But if they look for you again for a second chance, then just maybe that person could be for you. That's just the irony of life - we want what we can't have.

[mahlina]

"If you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be"

I was going to say that the other day. That's how my mindset is like. Maybe it's not meant to be now, but maybe it will be, later.

 

In reality, there's no use sitting around and waiting. It's best to move on, and if the relationship's meant to happen, then it will. If it doesn't, then oh well. We can't control it. I just hate the thought of always wondering..

[Double J]

The best thing anyone can do is go for someone they KNOW cares for them and isn't playing games. The reason we like the people around us is because they like us.

[mahlina]

True. When I sense that someone's dishonest, and is playing games, I back away. I never sensed that in that person. It was only because he was shy, and so was I, thereforeeee, we never got anywhere. But, I'm definitely not the type to make the move, and I'm definitely not the type who will break a relationship apart, just to steal a man away. I guess everything's all a matter of time. When things are meant to happen, then it will. It's just tough, especially because I'm comfortable with being passive in terms of establishing relationships.

[fallen]

Yeah, I know it's tough..especially when I don't find guys I like very easily. It's like practically impossible..but oh well. things will get better somehow..

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

There's only one way of telling if you've found the right one. If you're both in your 70's and you're still married, chances are he/she was the right one. In other words, we all won't know until we're in our 60s or 70s because by then we're pretty much set with kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, etc.

[Double J]

Has anyone here found the "right one" in a friend you've known for a long time? I'm asking because that's usually so rare.