He said he liked me but his action was weird

[dontknowwhattodo]

So now I am about to go out with someone again. We first met like a couple months ago and not yet dating but we have been talking almost everyday. One good thing about us is we are able to speak our minds to each other. He told me he liked me tremendously and wanted to date.

 

Because of the fact that we could talk openly, I started to attract to him more and more and he told me he felt the same. The weird thing is I am always the one who asks if he wants to get together for dinner or a drink as friends (because we are not (yet?) dating). During the past 2 months, we met only 3 times (he initiated it once and rest were my idea). Anytime other time that I asked he always had a plan to do something with someone. So, I told him that he seemed to be busy and didn't have time to meet, so he went.."oh yeah sorry for that but you always asked on the same day when I already had some plans".

 

The doubt for me goes on because I think that if a guy really likes a girl and if he already has a plan for that particular time, isn't he suppose to say something along the line like suggesting a new time? He never did that and I think I am getting the mixed signals. I asked him if he dated anybody and he said no. I told him that if he was too busy then may be we were not a good match because I didn't want to date oh-so-busy guy. Then he went.."no I am not busy, I didn't go out the last couple of nights and was sitting at home, I always want to be with you..yadda yadda, yadda".

 

What do you guys think? Should I just drop him?

[Guarana Galrok]

Give him a fair chance. Two months isn't enough to justify dropping him if he treats you well and likes you that much.

[usied]

yea give it a lil more time ..but def watch your back

[RayKay]

I'd be careful....I just recently read "He's Just Not That Into You"...and in it the author (a male) says if he is NOT asking you out, he is just not that into you, no matter what else he might be saying. If a guy is into you, he will ask you out, want to see you, and even want to see more of you. A guy who is into you and wants to date you WILL date you as he sure won't want anyone else dating you or stealing you away!

 

Actions speak louder than words...and if he says he likes you, he should be following it through with his actions.

 

I think two months is plenty of time for him to have at least asked you out on a date..and made plans. If I were you, I would strategically withdraw a bit - stop asking him to do things, let him make contact. If he does not..well, then you have your answer.

[winkie]

If I am not mistaking you said you talk on the phone. When people talk on the phone they do not have many inhibitions(?). He may very well be scared or intimidated by you. Talk to him about it. If you guys are so open try and say something before you drop him. I have had many guys be intimidated by me and took it as no interest when the problem was they were scared of me. Not in a bad way but enough to make them nervous around me.

 

Keep me posted

winkie

[ducky]

LOL, we have ladies answering questions posted by ladies and guys answering questions posted by guys. Shouldn't it be the other way round? Here take it from a guy's perspective.

 

1. What kind of guy is he? Quiet, shy and reticent? Direct, outgoing and outspoken? How old is he? 16? 18? 21? older?

 

2. If he's the shy and reticent type, aged below 21, then there's a good chance he's throwing you mixed signals on purpose. Particularly after confessing to you that he really likes you. He probably doesn't want to show that he's totally desperate and totally into you.

 

3. Have you reciprocated his supposed feelings for you? If you are really attracted to him, what have you done to show or tell him that? Asking him out for a meal "as friends" will not be enough as far as I'm concerned. The signal I'm getting from you objectively is that you're telling me you're interested in me as a good friend, not anything more than that.

 

4. You seem to share a very open and honest relationship with him. That itself is a very good base for further development. The fact that you two can speak your minds to each other means that you both are probably compatible.

 

5. Where do you go from here? Drop him some hints, or if you're tired of waiting, you can ask him directly over dinner: "Dear so and so, you've been telling me how much you like me, and how much you want to be with me, do you really mean all that? Because all I'm getting from you are all those mixed signals which I find confusing... If you really mean what you say, then why are you ... blah blah.... Can we be more straightforward with each other?"

 

Hope that helps. All the best!

[dontknowwhattodo]

Hi there, Ducky,

 

He said he was a shy guy but he also said that he went out on dates once in a while. And he is 34 years old. I did tell him that I thought we had the connection and I was interested in him after he told me that he was interested in me. I probably talk to him about this some time. The thing is it is so hard to get into his schedule as he seems to be very busy. Thanks for your reply. It helps!

[Raptor]

I disagree with the fact that if a guy really likes you he has to ask you out. I just now have started asking girls out again( and i still don't do it that much) that I like. Many guys though may be used to rejection and are afraid of getting it again. I think that was what my problem was I asked out one girl she said yes but then cancelled dates a couple of times. Asked another one out she said yes but got caught drinking and wasnt able to go and nothing materialized.

 

My point is there for a while I saw girls that I really liked but was afraid to ask because I just got done getting rejected a couple times in a row. So don't give up on him yet. I sugest you ask him out and if he says hes busy try to set up a different date. Maybe you taking the first step could break this guys shell.

[PrincessLinzay]

If I were in your position I would feel much the same.

 

I think that you have been making a great effort, and he needs to take a little initiative as well. You can't be expected to carry everything on your own! I would give him a chance to get better at this (maybe he's out of practice?), but if it continues with much of the same, I would look elsewhere.

[matthes]

If I was really in a girl who asked _me_ out (not I her) and I really didn't have the time today or this week, I'd definitely suggest a different time. That's even a thing that I'd do with closer friends, so if I have no time currently, I'll say that we should meet later.

 

And, if you're approaching him like this and he's not reacting, I'd just wait for a sign from him and stop further approachs, even if that hurts you and if it's not easy at first. That's a clear sign, though!

 

matthes

[dontknowwhattodo]

Yeah, I re-thought about the situation and decided to back off. I do really think that any well-mannered guy would suggest a different time if he is 'into' the girl but not available at that moment. We still talk to each other but I am not going to ask him to do anything with me anymore. Plus there is another guy who keeps calling from another side of the world to check in with me once in a while which I have to take into account. This guy even thinks about flying to see me from another continent during the holidays in December. We would have dated if we lived in the same country. Will keep you guys posted. Thanks for all advices.