Knowing that a child is being abused.

[OceanEyes]

I was recently speaking to a friend who told me that her boyfriend hits, and threatens his daughter with a fly swatter. Apparently the other day, he "didn't mean to", but ended up hitting her face. She went to school and they called Child Protective Services. When they came to see her, she told them the truth: daddy hits me.

 

Now my friend is wondering whether or not she should go forward and help the little girl, and tell CPS other things that she knows (further abuse).

 

What are your opinions on this?

[hockeyboy]

absolutely

[Scout]

Your friend knows other things her boyfriend is doing to her own child and is wondering if she should report it?? Ocean, if she doesn't, then will you? You could do in anonymously, you know.

[arwen]

It must be very difficult for your friend, but I think the rights of a child are always a top priority.

 

She has one thing to consider and I think two options. The thing she might consider is being with this man in the first place. And of course, her meddling between him and his daughter is not going to make the relationship easier.

 

The two options I think are:

 

1. stay in touch with the school of the child and not CPS. Ask the school to take care of this, they have a degree of influence and this indirect approach might be less dangerous for herself.

2. Being in touch with CPS she can stay with the man and see things developing as an insider. But directly confronting him might be dangerous for himself.

 

I think she should continue looking out for that child. One of my best friends has been hit and sexually abused by her father and she is in fulltime therapy right now. In a period of life she should be living like we all do, with uni and jobs and boyfriends.

 

Goodluck,

 

Ilse.

 

PS I don't know exactly how things work in your country, so it could be I am wrong about the influence of a school. If she would live here, I would suggest the first option.

[OceanEyes]

Your friend knows other things her boyfriend is doing to her own child and is wondering if she should report it?? Ocean, if she doesn't, then will you? You could do in anonymously, you know.

 

Well, it's not her child, and I don't know this girl very well. I met her while working with her this summer and have kept in touch via MSN messenger. I do not know him or his daughter, so to just start making phone calls and reporting abuse without having a bit more knowledge of the situation seems a bit irresponsible.

 

She brought it up last night, wanted to talk to someone about it I guess. Apparently she's been with him for about 6 months but just recently started witnessing the abuse.

 

I will definitely report it, and could care less if he knew it was me.

[Scout]

Yeah, I just re-read this and saw it was his own daughter. So, that does make it more difficult for your friend, but nevertheless...I agree that a child's safety and rights are top priority.

 

How can people do this to children...I can understand a spanking if they are being really bad, although I tell myself (now, that is - I don't have kids) that I would try not to spank them. But realistically, I am sure almost every parent spanks at one time or another. But hitting in the face...bruising, terrifying a child...I just don't get it.

[OceanEyes]

Yeah, I agree, which is why I'm contemplating filing a report.

 

Supposedly the abuse doesn't end there; she said that he threatens her constantly, swears at her, constantly yelling demands and pulling her around by her arm. It's horrible!

 

All I can do is make a report. And even then, CPS just shedules some kind of appointment (ahead of time) to meet with the father and try to assess the situation. So even then there are no guarantees that the kid gets any help. It takes more than one report for them to take serious action.

[Scout]

Well, it takes that first report to get things started. I seriously hope his girlfriend takes action, too. What a miserable jerk he sounds like.

[hockeyboy]

somebody should beat him and see how he likes it.

[Scout]

Unfortunately, Hockeyboy...that's probably why he's an abuser. It was very likely done to him. It's a vicious circle.

[hockeyboy]

i know...its was probably done to him as a child. that doesnt make it right for him to do it to another child. bad things have happened to everybody and it doesnt make it right to inflict the same kind of pain on someone else.

 

i was saying he needs a beaten now..at his age now. thats my anger/frustration speaking.

 

realisitically...he should be locked up...and not be allowed to be near kids again.

[theusual]

I would do so. A smack or mental abuse at the time only feels like a second, but the feeling of abuse will last FOREVER.. Definitely DO SOMETHING!

 

Coming from parents that mentally abused me, believe me, it screws you up BIG TIME later on! The worst part about it, is you see yourself as them when you are a parent, and it's a VERY hard habit to break! I'm still struggling to defeat it!

[Amethyst]

Oceaneyes, I don't know that a report from *you* would do anything. You said you don't know the man or his daughter, so anything you could tell them would be hearsay and would have no proof to back it up.

 

Your friend, however, most certainly needs to report what she knows. In fact, I would question *her* character if she chose not to do so. Knowing about abuse and not taking steps to report it is actually a crime, and she could be charged as an accessory if her knowledge otherwise came to light.

[OceanEyes]

Thanks for the help guys - and you're right Scout, he does sound like a miserable jerk. Supposedly his parents take care of her most of the time because he's a habitual cocaine user, and the mother doesn't really want her. Then, she tells me that his parents make excuses for him too, saying things like, "you would get mad at her too".

 

Some people should never, ever be allowed to have children.

[hockeyboy]

Some people should never, ever be allowed to have children.

 

exactly...what do you think about having a possible punishment in the court of law of having some people be "fixed" so they can't have kids. I'm all for it in several situations.

[OceanEyes]

Well, that's not for you or I to decide, but sterilization makes sense when I look at this situation!

[hockeyboy]

Well, that's not for you or I to decide, but sterilization makes sense when I look at this situation!

 

no, not directly but maybe indirectly, who knows.

 

i agree...it should be used in this situation in my opinion. it could solve more then one problem when you think of it. abuse is something that is filtered down amongs families...stop that affect. of course there are many many things that need to be done but this could be one tool to get on course.

[SkyFire]

I was recently speaking to a friend who told me that her boyfriend hits, and threatens his daughter with a fly swatter. Apparently the other day, he "didn't mean to", but ended up hitting her face. She went to school and they called Child Protective Services. When they came to see her, she told them the truth: daddy hits me.

 

Now my friend is wondering whether or not she should go forward and help the little girl, and tell CPS other things that she knows (further abuse).

 

What are your opinions on this?

 

 

Yes. Help. Personally, I would help her, because to me, that kind of abuse goes against my morals and goes against what I believe in.

[hockeyboy]

that kind of abuse goes against my morals and goes against what I believe in

 

i would hope so..for everybody

[Amethyst]

that kind of abuse goes against my morals and goes against what I believe in

 

i would hope so..for everybody

 

Yes; but, unfortunately, that's obviously not necessarily true. If everyone felt that way, there wouldn't be any cases of child abuse.

[hockeyboy]

i know.

 

i just thought it was kind of an odd comment.

[dirtbubble]

Insist she report what she knows and advise her to kick that creep to the curb with prejudice.

 

Child abuse is the rotten underbelly of all human societies. The longer we wait to act, less likely we will ever overcome the evil.

[hockeyboy]

Child abuse is the rotten underbelly of all human societies

 

good description...so true, sadly.

[sasha12]

children are innocent victims it is up to us as adults to protect them. It is more than obvious that she is unable to protect herself. this makes me want to go and hit that dude in the face with a fly swatter and tell him it was an accident! Sorry, that's just my thoughts!

[jessijess]

Like someone else stated, abuse usually turns into a vicious cycle. Turning this creep in could not only help save this little girl, but also help future generations (ex: her children).

Also, have you talked to your friend about why she's with such an **explicit word**? He's a habitual cocaine abuser & he abuses his child? One thing I've learned to look for in a guy is someone who treats children like gold, but that has nothing to do with this.....