I wonder if its always been like this

[selfsabotage]

Couldve been worked throgh tho, such a waste

[mhowe]

For some, lying is a deal breaker. Because it breaks the trust that existed.

[selfsabotage]

True but she could allow her ex to do it over and over. I woulda leanrt not to do it again. It wasnt a lie to cover something sinster it was so she wouldn't stress more, a lie is a lie I know not exceptable by any standart. She's gonna be hard pressed to find someone who wont lie as everbody lies from time to time. I just dont understand why she would say its the best she had them walk. Wouldve preferred her to berate me and tell me she hates me. Wouldnt be so confusing

[selfsabotage]

Maybe to appease their conscience, or maybe to eub it in your face? Guess we'll never know

[selfsabotage]

Yeah i would go more with the easing of the conscience. Seems to make sense to me. They shared something special with you for a while so they do probably feel bad for ending it, however they still want to be viewed as the good guy and on good terms with you. They don't want to feel like a horrible person if they just cut you out.

 

Im hoping its that but part of me beleives its a shot at "look at what you lost" as when someone dumps you they assumably feel in a position of power, like you aren't good enough like you're beneath them. Or maybe im too sinicle

[lavenderdove]

>>"I really thought we'd go the distance, its the best relationship I've ever had and one of the most positive experiences of my life".

 

Up until the part where you went to Thailand, the sleaze/cheater's capital of the world and lied about what you were doing thaere.

 

See, one of the problems people get into when they start a relationship is they can have very different assumptions about the world. Now your assumption/view is that someone should never leave a relationship no matter what happens as long as you're still interested in them. And she's coming from a position where she's been lied to and cheated on by an ex before, and realizes that there is nothing but pain and trouble when you try to live with a liar and a cheater.

 

Then you trot off to Thailand for a bachelor's party, when it is known by the world that Thailand (and bachelor parties) can be VERY shady and riddled with prostitutes and the sex trade. A bachelor's party that obviously goes there for THAT, not to see the pretty beaches. So you made a very WRONG choice agreeing to go to Thailand to carouse around with other men regardless of anything that happened there and you also then lie about meeting up with some women there. So that is a one-two punch for her, and she's out. Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and you violated her trust. Having to 'work on it together forever' when you have seriously violated her trust when you KNOW she is sensitive to that really is an unrealistic expectation when you knew she was sensitive on the topic of lying and cheating and can't tolerate it.

 

So the problem is you assumed the relationship would continue regardless of what you did because it SHOULD continue (in your mind). It is indeed very sad that this happened, but i think it has taught you something (or should have) that you can't just behave any old way you please and do anything you please and not destroy a relationship. If you are a committed man, then you should probably turn down any parties/bachelor trips to Thailand with a bunch of guys. And you certainly shouldn't lie to a woman who has told you very clearly she is leery of lies and cheaters.

 

The thing is a relationship needs to be treated with all the tender care you would the most precious thing in the world to you. You can't coast along and do any old thing you please while telling yourself, 'She is wrong to not stay with me no matter what i do or how much i hurt her emotionally.' It just doesn't work that way, sorry.... Next time someone tells you what their dealbreakers are, or tells you things they are very sensitive to and can't live with, you listen to them and don't just barge along on your merry way doing as you please. All actions have their consequences, and if you're with a woman who has experienced lying and cheating in the past is an very sensitive to that and has said she is NOT living with that if it happens again, then you listen and respect that boundary and don't do anything that is on her list of 'can't live with that.'

[selfsabotage]

I really wish I didn't go, the plans were made before I met her and I was the best man to the groom, I was so conflicted. It cost me the best girl I've ever met. Still today I place her on a pedestal because thats where she belongs. The part that eats me the most is my friend got his wife and I lost the girl I wanted to make mine. Everybody says to forget about her, to move on there are "there are plenty of fish in the sea" but its a cop out she is the only person in the entire world who is who she is, noone is like her just like noone is like you or me. Urgh.... how to move on when u know what it is you really want