just keeps getting worst

[SilentLife]

I have posted a topic here before and people replied mostly saying things will get better well they haven't. I don't want to kill myself but I just feel like it all the time and I think i am going to do something stupid, like I drink loads even till i am sick. I guess it's the only thing that takes my mind off it and when i am drinking I just keep drinking more and more. Don't tell me I should get counseling it's not as easy as that in England, the only things we have is a child line.

 

I feel even worst because like I really was trying for this girl I like and it's like all girls are pathetic at my college, they only like guys who act hard. You think you know a person then that happens and it's not just her happened loads of times, ive never had a serious relationship no matter how hard I tried, i am not an ugly person either (well im not sure).

 

And now I was just told my mum is going to move city so I have to choose between her or my dad. HOW THE **** CAN I CHOOSE THAT. I hate this world.

[DestructoBoy]

I know, everyone always says that "Everything will get better" But you have to know that it WILL!!

 

I will tell you something you already know as well. Drinking will make everything worse my friend. I did the same thing. Went on drinking and xanax binge that saw many sunrises. This was not the answer and I ended up getting arrested and life got much worse! I tried to stay numb to all of the misery in my life, most of which was created by me. It took me a long time to realize that I was in control of my happiness and that I was the one "destructing" my happiness....hence the name DestructoBoy.

 

I still have my moments when life is overwhelming and I wish to escape. I think most people feel the same. But that's doesn't last and suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem.

 

As for your parents...you'll never have to Choose between them. My parents have been divorced since I was in 6th grade. I felt the same when I was going through that. It seems bad now but you're a young adult and can make sense of this. Your mother and father will always love you.

 

Women come and go my friend. You don't need to act hard to get women. Don't even think that way. Anyway, why would you want a girl that wants you to act hard? Those girls aren't worth your time.

 

Nothings wrong with you because you haven't had a serious relationship. That opportunity will present itself someday......No worries mate!!

[under_the_pressure]

people replied mostly saying things will get better well they haven't.

 

Sometimes things don't get better just like that, it takes time. And sometimes, you have to be the one to make the changes. You can't just expect them to change themself. Maybe you should try being a little more positive even though life isn't the greatest all the time. It'll help, trust me.

 

Be strong, there's always a rainbow after a storm. I'm always here to talk if you need someone, feel free to pm me anytime. Don't give up.

 

under*

[tea]

I waited 9 years for my life to get better and you want it to happen over night?

[Shinobie]

Iono people always say it gets better.But can u tell me when???It never or has gotten better for the last 5 years its been the same.still never had gf,failing school,bi-polar,noit good at anything.I bet these other people are the same as me and they know it does not get better such as i see.

[SilentLife]

I waited 9 years for my life to get better and you want it to happen over night?

 

exactly 9 years, i cant hold on that long, i dont mean over night its just been a long time since ive been happy inside. you must be a strong person to wait 9 years.

 

Sometimes things don't get better just like that, it takes time. And sometimes, you have to be the one to make the changes. You can't just expect them to change themself. Maybe you should try being a little more positive even though life isn't the greatest all the time. It'll help, trust me.

 

i do try, i try so hard. and like now it seems that because ill have to move to my dads ill have to change college so all this trying seems like its for nothing at all, even though it seems that anyway . and yeah i try to be positive its hard though when your walking don the street or talking to your friends while your feeling suicidal. and like what can i change i dont really have a choice.

 

yeah i know i should not drink alot but its the only thing that gets my mind off it. i dont smoke or do drugs, i dont really like drinking. its just like the only thing at the moment which takes my mind off it. i know killing myself wont solve my problems but it will make them go away, urgh im messed up.

 

Women come and go my friend. You don't need to act hard to get women. Don't even think that way. Anyway, why would you want a girl that wants you to act hard? Those girls aren't worth your time.

 

i dont i like look for ones who arnt like that but all of them seem to be the same, like depend on thier friends, im more independent. and all my mates have like girl friends and stuff and i dont know what im doing wrong in life, i dont see the point of me being here right now. yeah i know killing myself is the worst thing i could do to my parents and it makes me cry thinking about it but thats just how i feel.

[under_the_pressure]

Maybe you shouldn't be focusing on women right now. Because if you are ever going to be happy with someone else or make someone else happy you must be happy with yourself first.

 

It takes time. I'm still waiting too. And it seems for me, if things start looking up than something changes and it crashes down again but I somehow keep an upbeat attitude, most of time.

 

i dont really like drinking. its just like the only thing at the moment which takes my mind off it.

You don't really like drinking? Then don't do it.

 

Like I said, I know what it's like to be depressed, feel suicidal. I've been there, if you need to talk, feel free to pm me.

 

under*

[SilentLife]

Maybe you shouldn't be focusing on women right now. Because if you are ever going to be happy with someone else or make someone else happy you must be happy with yourself first.

 

It takes time. I'm still waiting too. And it seems for me, if things start looking up than something changes and it crashes down again but I somehow keep an upbeat attitude, most of time.

 

i dont really like drinking. its just like the only thing at the moment which takes my mind off it.

You don't really like drinking? Then don't do it.

 

Like I said, I know what it's like to be depressed, feel suicidal. I've been there, if you need to talk, feel free to pm me.

 

under*

 

i know its just one of the main things that make me feel depressed, like being alone i hate it. allmy friends are like having a good time and i cant seem to get it.

 

i know i shouldnt drink if i dont like it but like i said it gets my mind off it for a couple of days.

 

right now im sitting in the school libary lolsad indeed.

[under_the_pressure]

SilentLife,

allmy friends

All my friends, are online, I don't have any friends that aren't virtual so be thankful for that. And I can still smile...

 

Why is sitting in your school library sad? That isn't sad. Quit feeling so sorry for yourself.

 

Be thankful for what you do have, and change what you don't like. Things take time, be patient.

 

under*

[SilentLife]

yeah my riends arnt speical, if i killed myself they probly would not notice, i have alot of virtual friends but most of them are game-related.

 

and i cant see what i do have, my friends arnt really friends thier just people i talk to now and then i could never say i have a true friend. and i cant see what i do have in life, my grades are rubbish, dont have a social life its just all crap. the only thing i have is family but we are always arguing and no i have to pick between my mum and dad its even harder.

[EYESWIDESHUT]

hey silent, hang in there. yeah yeah i know that you have hear it a million times, but it is the truth. I was depressed for i don't even know how long. All i can remember as i look back at middle school and high school and the years after that is i hated life, i hated myself, i hated everything. Then i started having panic attacks, after that i went to the dr's and she did a few test things and told me that i was depressed. I was floored!! but as i look back, i can see it now. Hating life is not normal, you don't have to live that way. She put me on some meds and now i can see the light at the end of the tunel. It is still miles away but i know that it is there somewhere. I still have good days and bad days, but since i have started the meds, i have had clarity, i realize that i don't hate things, i was just unhappy and that was the only feeling i could scrounge up. Now i don't let myself get worked up over stuff anymore. I am in the worse situation (finacially, b/f's and school) that i have ever been in in my whole life, but i am handling it. I don't think that i could do it without the med's though. if i wasn't taking them, i would probably be on here in your shoes, but now i can see that it doesn't help to hate or be upset; it won't get you a g/f, it won't pay the bills, it won't get you an A in school, it won't get you anywhere. Love yourself. God put you on this earth for a reason, and no it is not to torchure you, but to test you. Maybe sitting down and writing your feelings will help. Write exactly what you feel (no one else has to read it). then the next day sit down and read it. Things are always going to go wrong in life, if they don't you are living!!!!!! Good luck!!

[under_the_pressure]

SilentLife, I'm not giving up on you...

 

What you do have;

thing i have is family

, you have a beating heart in your chest, and a future ahead of you.

 

I argue with my parents too, don't think that you are the only one. It's a tough decision on who you'll choose to live with, but you'll still get to see the other one. I don't even get to see my Dad. Another thing for you to be thankful for.

 

I see that we are similar in many situations, somehow I keep my head up most of the time. So you have to find a way. I just want you to know, taking the easy way out...*shakes head*

 

Once again, I'm offering that invation for you to pm me.

 

under*

[thisisnotanexit]

i too extend that invitation!

 

you can do it man, you're not alone