trishcollins Posted November 22, 2004 Share Posted November 22, 2004 Well, it's now almost 5 months since our breakup, 4.5 months since we last saw each other, 3.5 months since we last talked on the phone, and 1.5 months since we exchanged emails. I initated all contact, as well as N/C. I am doing okay -- not the soppy, horrible mess I was even two months ago, but I am still sad, and now I find I am starting to have minor anxiety attacks when I think about him with someone else. I know that he isn't and won't be for a long time, but still, it is inevitable I suppose. What makes it the hardest is that we didn't split because he didn't love me, but it was all circumstancial, and has his daughter not been so against her father in a new relationship, we would still be together today. Anyway, I just wanted to let people know, it does get easier, but there will always be something that pulls you back down. It is however, easier to get up each time, and recover. I have to deal with him on a business issue, and I hope we can do it all by email and fax, as I really don't want to see him right now. I know I am not strong enough not to cry or to express my feelings and upset him in some way. I don't want to do that. I want to maintain control and keep my emotions in check. The only way I want to ever see him face to face is when he is down on one knee proposing, otherwise, I just can't handle watching him walk out of my life again. I am going away at Christmas and still plan to send the letter my cousellor recommended. I will slip it in the post the day I board the plane. He will have three weeks to mull it over and do something about it. If he does nothing about it, at least nothing that involves contacting me, then I am done. I will close that door completely and move forward. I know I should do that now, but there is part of me that has not yet given up hope. I think once he reads the letter, and knows that I don't blame him, and that I was glad for our time together, if he cannot come back with at least something to give me hope, then he never will. Just thought I would vent and update at the same time. Quote Link to comment
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