Apathy

[Brokebutno1]

So i've reached this strangely comfortable point of apathy.

 

In a nutshell the lady i love left me around 4 months ago, haven't spoken to her in about 3 and haven't seen her in almost 6. I crawled through the toughest time of my life to come out the other side a changed man for the better in almost every aspect of my life. I truly believe whilst being the hardest thing i've ever dealt with, it was deserved, absolutely necessary for my development and overall (despite my lonely heart) a positive thing. I may never know the whys but through deep introspection and reflection i'm certain i have a fair idea.

 

I still love this girl with all my heart and only envision a shared future with none but her but i've reached a stage where i realised a few things...mainly, all the important people in my life simply came along; i was not actively seeking them when they came. She was no different. I believe this is how magic happens, when we least expect it. I believe in magic in many ways and truly feel we will be together one day...it's not blind or delusional hope, or anything of the sort, it's just the way i see things panning out one day and i feel there's no harm in believing that...so don't even try to tell me otherwise!

 

From what i believe she is with someone else now and due to my feelings on exes lurking around new relationships, i will not be bothering her. If she's happy i want nothing to do with damaging that in any way, and i will find happiness out of that in my own twisted way

 

I know she's going through a rough time in her life at the moment and she deserves any support she feels she needs...sure i'd love to be the one but she knows i feel this way so her silence tells me she has found help through other means, so my support is through supporting her decision and letting go with love.

 

On me...my new job of a few months is easily the best i've ever had...i'm in the physical and mental shape of my life, and have kicked a few nasty behaviours/habits out of my life with zero regrets...and i've reconnected with my friends to the nth degree

 

I've dated a few new girls out of curiosity mainly...i've made my intentions clear from the get go with them all to avoid leading them on, but i honestly have no taste for it...i can't even fathom opening myself fully to these girls when my heart belongs to another, despite her perhaps not knowing or caring about it. I have a couple of girls actively wanting to start a relationship with me however like i said i'm just not into it right now. I guess this may change but i don't want to start something out of loneliness..hell i'm 27 and have been single for a good 25 of those years so i'm quite capable on my own

 

I don't really know why i'm posting this, i guess to just give some hope to those in the early stages of a breakup that things DO get better with time! It's easier to realise than read, but one day you'll reach a point where you realise you will be ok. For a good 2 months i was distraught and thought i would never pull through...now though, i find joy in other avenues other than my heart, for my heart stays on ice for now until someone special comes along once more and lights that fire in my chest.

 

The best piece of advice i've been given through all this??

 

When going through hell, just keep going.

 

I wish you all the best.

 

X

[arcadefire]

I am so happy to hear you are healing and doing well! Going through a rough breakup is tough on everyone, and you seem to be doing good for yourself! Keep going and you will soon move forward to the next stage.

[Dat]

That's awesome! Keep doing what you're doing for yourself. I've got to tell myself everyday to do the same. Everything you do is for YOU to be happy. As long as you have a great supporting cast around you, family and friends, things will be just fine. Things will be just fine!

[cutebubbles012]

As someone who is about to face a break up tonight, your story gives me hope.

 

I am glad to hear you are well. keep it up!