Is this strange? and what am I suppose to do?

[Recovering_Lover]

My ex broke off with me and we became friends...and later she suspected me of still being in love with her .......and wanted to stop all contact.

 

I tried reasoning with her, but she is a very stubborn person, who once she has made a mind won't change. So I agreed to it.

 

I didn't talk to her for a day. The very next day, I realized, she returned those things, which I had lent to her. I was expecting to get it from her face to face , but she left it outside my house. I was kinda feeling that was very low of her. However ,she didn't return the teddy bear which I gave her.

 

So, I called her and sms her telling her, that our friendship shouldn't end like this. Lets talk and resolve this. She didn't reply.

 

So, I stopped everything. I know I can't saything to change her mind.

 

I have been wanting to talk to her, but with the help Munea, I have not called her for one week. During the one week though, I have really sat down and pondered and pondered, if what she said was true, am I without realization , doing a lot of things that gave her that impression, I tried to see, if those are the things, I would do to any of my close friends.

 

I realized that I never acted differentlly from what I told her before. But she might have misinterprested as me going after her and changed, I think after thinking that I was trying to go after her.

 

Now, I really don't want to have this tension between me and her. I really truly want her as a friend. I feel in me that I have accepted that she has a new guy and is happy with him etc.....

 

I think we had a great friendship/relationship and I would seriously like to continue being her friend. I don't want to lose a valuable person just like that becoz of misunderstanding.

 

Now, most people here don't want to have a friendship with their ex, but I have always wanted to remain a friends with my previous ex's. Some agreed , some didn't. Up to this day, my 1st ex is my friend.

 

Now, I would like this ex of mine to be my friend, but I am wondering am I doing it out of really wanting her to be my friend or is it just something I am doing without realization?

 

I heard others saying, that I might sound weak and needy? But all I want is to clear that misunderstanding. If after that, she deosn;t want to still talk to me, then I am fine with it. I did what I could. But I am bothered by the fact that, we ended it so badly with a misunderstanding.

 

 

So should I contact her and try to clear whatever it is? or should I just let it go?

Or am I justing giving an excuse to talk to her?? lol.

 

Man, so many ways to interpret it!!.... heh

 

Your comments would be much appreciated.

[gersanos]

Have you considered the possibility that maybe she was really hurt, and that is why she left it outside your house? That maybe she was so upset with you that she did not want to see you face to face? That she is so hurt that she does not to be in contact with you?

 

I'm just throwing in some thigns from a different angle. When I went to pick up my stuff from my X's place, she left it with the doorman. I was thinking, man, how low can she go. But I have to admit, I was hoping to see her face to face so that maybe we could rekindle something. Could it be that my X went so low because she was extremely hurt? Could be that she thought that I would want to get back with her. I'm not sure. Only she knows. People handle pain in different ways though.

 

When I contacted her once, she only wanted to speak over aol. I insisted that she at the very least speak with me over the phone. She was reluctant, but finally agreed. The phone conversation did not go well at all, and she was angry most of the time, and saying how she doesn't care, blah, blah, blah. Is that because she thinks I'm trying to reel her back in, or, is it because she still needed time to cool off and be rational? Could go either way.

 

I say don't contact her. If and when she's ready, she'll contact you, whether it is for friendship or for something more. Stop giving. Why do you really want to be friends with her? What are your true motives?

 

Relationships come and go. Friends come and go. The people that you are supposed to have in your life right now are there. You will make plenty of friends throughout life, and it's best to leave old relationships as is. If something rekindles down the road, great, if not, take the lessons you learned from it forward in life.

 

And the teddy bear was a gift. She may have kept it, or she may have tossed it. Best to stop analyzing. I did that for too long, and finally stopped because I had too big of a headache from it all.

[Recovering_Lover]

Hi gers,

 

You are very true in what you said. But like everything else, its a what if for everything?

 

I just don't want to end anything with a What if?

 

She was fine with being a friend, until she thought I was trying to reel her back. I must say, I tried to tell her, but she in her stubborn mood won't listen. So I said ok. I agreed to not call her back.

 

My motive, I seriously think, in my own conscious mind, that all I want is to be her friend. Thats what I believe.

 

When she first broke off with me, I wanted to get her back etc....but along the time ...I have thought and pondered and listend and writeen to many people ..and I have worked on myself and I have realized I would rather have her a friend than a stranger.

 

I think, I am giving a un-biased answer, but I don't know if my mind is playing a trick on me..... but I sincerely, feel that.

 

R.L

[Belle]

recovering,

 

Honestly, I think you hide it well but I do believe you are hoping for something else to occur later down the line. I've never been friends with an ex who didn't try in some shape, form or fashion to rekindle things. As a girl (or if you're the guy) you feel like you're being manipulated.

 

As for returning your things without telling you, don't overanalyze it. I see a lot of people making assumptions about their ex's behavior, i.e. "he's such a psycho, she's such a mean b***" because they don't get what they want. People do things to protect themselves, and for a myriad of reasons that we can't understand and make us upset because they're not considering us at all. That doesn't make them bad people.

 

I returned things when the guy wasn't there. Twice. The last time I did it because I have been in nocontact for a long time and I don't plan on leaving it. I didn't want to see him because I knew it would be awkard and painful and I didn't want to be reeled back in by a liar. It can be a lot easier to not deal with it.

 

I would say just move on and date others and make other friends. There are a lot of people out there.

 

best of luck

[Mun]

Hi,

I think that while it's very nice of you to want to be friends, in order to be friends you both need to want that. It seems to me that she doesn't and she has shown you that she doesn't. We shouldn't force someone to give us what we want. You need to respect her decision.

 

I'm afraid you have no other options at this point but to leave her alone. I know this hurts you, but what else can you do? She is staying away and I'm sure she has her reasons. I think she knows that seeing you again would give you hope---should she give you hope if she doesn't want to be with you right now?

[gersanos]

My motive, I seriously think, in my own conscious mind, that all I want is to be her friend. Thats what I believe.

 

You are kidding yourself. Nobody is that adament about maintaining a friendship. If she isn't calling you back or talking with you, then she doesn't want to have anything to do with you. She may think about you, miss you, resent you, etc., who knows, but it's not enough to where she is doing something about it.

[Recovering_Lover]

Hey ger and everyone,

 

Thank you so much for your reply.

 

I am not admant of wanting to keep this person as a friend. I just want to clear the misunderstanding with her. Tell her, that I honestly wasn't trying to reel her in.

 

After that, I feel relieved, that I have done all I could. If she doesn't want too, then I would stop contact all togather.

 

I just don't want to end a friendship out of misunderstanding.

 

As I said, she only decided to end this becoz she thougght I was trying to reel her in.

 

Am I being stubborn here for wanting to clear the misunderstanding?

[Mun]

Am I being stubborn here for wanting to clear the misunderstanding?

 

I have done that and all I can say is that the only thing I achieved was to get the other person really annoyed with me because he basically didn't want any contact at all. Not even to clear up misunderstandings-- from his point of view he didn't care anymore. The issues were dead.

 

I don't tell you something because I want you to hurt. I tell you because from my experience it didn't work and I want to save you the trouble.

[Recovering_Lover]

So Mun,

 

Did you feel better than you cleared the minsunderstand, and now its up to the person if they want to have a friendship with you based on what happened?

 

Although the guy got annoyed. did you feel that you have done your part to save the friendship / relationship?

[Mun]

Hi RL,

He didn't care what I had to say, it made no difference. He listened to me very politely then the conversation was over. That was the last time I spoke to him.

 

I think he had already made up his mind, he didn't want a friendship or anything. Did I feel better? not really, I didn't get what I wanted.

[Recovering_Lover]

Hi Mun and everyone,

 

I totally appreciate all your help.

 

Afte all your advice, It would be stupid of me to call her and try to explain anything. I guess she would feel the same and respond the same.

 

I have one last question though. Apologises for being so stubborn and all.

 

Should I at least just write whatever I want to say and send it to her?

 

Based on what you'll say, she might not even read the mail, but I guess thats her choice and I am not gonna expect any reply from her or anything.

 

I feel that way, I have said everything I want to say and got closure or something like that.

 

Your comments would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanx everyone especially Mun, your patience and help , I appreicated it so much.

 

R.L.

[Mun]

Send it if it will make you feel better, but you are right, don't expect a response. There may not be one

 

Hang in there.