The first move (what women do wrong)

[corvidae]

I do get very confused by the behaviour of women. If I were to go by the evidence I've seen with my own eyes and ears I would assume that women are not interested in men at all, and couldn't care less whether they ever have a relationship. The only reason I don't think this is true is because of forums like this one, and of stuff I see on TV and read in magazines. The information I get from these sources seems to suggest women like men, enjoy sex and want to have relationships. Well I never would have guessed from their behaviour in real life. Take my housemate Katherine. A reasonable looking girl. Not very pretty, but not plain either. She has many men, colleagues, acquintances etc... ask her out. She goes on dates by accident for goodness sake!! This seems to be the pattern everywhere. Women go through life with the men making the effort to get them. It's not just about approaching people at the bar or in other social arenas...it's a pattern distributed throughout the entirety of life; the situation of a woman standing at a bar while men present themselves for her is quite allegorical of life! Women seem to find it very easy to get men. A woman can, at any point, choose to date. And (some of them anyway) they don't understand that the situation is not the same for men. When a woman asks me if I have a girlfriend and I say no, and they ask me why I 'don't want one' I have to laugh!! As if it's that simple! Well, for a woman it is. Yes, I know what you're thinking (or what you might be thinking). You think that when I talk about not being able to get a girl I mean not being able to get a gorgeous, full bodied venus who wouldn't look out of place in a Britney Spears video. Well no, not at all. I can't get anyone. When Katherine (my housemate again) said she couldn't get men she meant that earlier that day two men had thrown themselves at her but neither of them had been, well...you know, quite right. Then she'll sigh and look so hard-done-by. When I say I can't get a girl I mean that I can't get someone with two X chromosomes to have coffee with me. So am I freak? Deformed? Do I have a tattoo of Hitler on my chest? No, no and no. I'm a nice respectable person, who dresses well, is hygenic and well groomed, and, well...nice. I'm actually pretty normal. I really don't know how people end up in relationships. I am beginning to think there's some sort of special club which puts people together and which I haven't been invited to. Alternatively maybe the women in all the couples I see aren't real women, but are actually men dressed up as women. But then I get confused as to exactly how the species is propagating itself. These may seem like radical notions here, but I must emphasize that from my perspective women do NOT seem interested in men. Odd isn't it. When I go to parties with other guys women never come over and say hello. I don't have any male friends that have the 'problem' of having lots of women chasing them as Katherine does with men. If women DO like men they seem to feel the best course of action is to hide it as much as possible so that..er...we all end up lonely and miserable? Funny sort of plan. But to be honest, I've either gone through my entire life without ever having met a woman with any kind of interest in me what-so-ever OR I have met women who were interested but they pretended they weren't. That second one can't be true because that would be STUPID. I mean, that would be so STUPID I would feel the need to come on this forum and talk about it. I'd want to collectively ask women why they would so something so STUPID, when I'm sure in many other areas of life they are quite clever. If it was true, I'd want to send a letter to every woman in the world politely but firmly asking them to stop being STUPID. There.

[JonnyG]

"When Katherine (my housemate again) said she couldn't get men she meant that earlier that day two men had thrown themselves at her but neither of them had been, well...you know, quite right. Then she'll sigh and look so hard-done-by. When I say I can't get a girl I mean that I can't get someone with two X chromosomes to have coffee with me"

 

haha So true. There are still a lot of attractive girls out there who think that. They have all these men trying to chat to them and they blow them all out and then say "Why can't I find a man?" and like u said, feel that they are being hard done by. They should try standing in a mans shoes. Being an attractive women means an endless amount of men will come upto in life trying to chat to u (omg, it must be heaven). Being an attractive man means.....well..... your still left being the one having to do basically all the work, the only benefit is that it will probably be a shorter line of women u have to chat to to find success than the average or not so good looking guy.

[Caldus]

Here's what I think what a lot of people are doing wrong in this thread. They are overanalyzing the whole situation and spending too much time being frustrated about why things are in the dating world when they could alternatively just live life and smile everywhere they go. I told myself that I would be more like myself today and I went to go eat with a friend. We really enjoyed the conversation at lunch today and it must've been because I was smiling more and just seeming more happy in general. I also walked around not looking like I was sad (not a stupid grin either though, LOL) and I feel much better about it. I find that everytime I try to analyze these kind of threads that I end up frustrating myself for no reason. Why not just not worry about it? I mean sure I'm not the greatest looking guy but I still have been on a few dates in the past and have been kissed several times. Tell yourself that you already know what it takes to have success with dating. It's a matter of just following through. It's just when you work out. You tell yourself OK this weight has already been lifted. It's just a matter of my muscles lifting it now. And it makes a heck of a lot difference when you have that mindset.

[corvidae]

Hold on there Caldus, I agree that it is possible to over analyse things but, and here's the big BUT, I wasn't born like this. It was/is frustration at the inequity of the system that lead/s me to come and vent on this forum. Let us not confuse cause and effect (I hate it when I do that!). I find the system doing me wrong so I complain about it and try to analyse it to see where things are going wrong, not vice versa. Yes, of course we could all be happy with the way things are provided we say to ourselves that we will be happy no matter what circumstances we are in. Were I living in a slum in Rio, deserted by society and bereft of human rights, I could be happy provided I made up my mind to say "hey-ho, this is life.". I'm sorry, I'm not that kinda guy. I feel I have a message. I feel I can help women to understand guys like me which would benefit them by opening up a whole new type of man they had been excluding before (and there are a-plenty of them on this forum for example). If you believe something to be true you can't bottle it up. Let's face facts here, women don't understand men. And they never will unless there is open and honest communication.

 

PS. By and large I do enjoy life as much as I can. I have friends, I go out, I have fun. I don't walk around dwelling on this all the time!

[1899]

I once met a girl that was just awesome at work one time. she never would leave you wondering if she liked you or not. She was open. sometimes she would approach me with a smile and ask me how im doing. Ask if i wanted anything before she went to the snack bar. Didnt care who was around. Always stopped and chatted. etc. It was no big thing to her. No games, no ignoring me. Want to have lunch? Ok, we have lunch. Easy to talk to. Told me she was a Ga Tech grad. Tall, and man was she a Killer dresser! Honestly at first i thought she was just being friendly. But after we first met, she told me infront of her girl friends that she thought we "clicked". I was shocked when she said that. Honestly I dont know what she saw in me.

 

She is who really got me into dating. unfortunately she was a intern and had to leave for additional schooling to become a lawyer. I asked her friends if they had heard from her after she left and found out she was from somewhere near Italy! Exotic! Man I miss her.

 

Now if I could only find another girl like that. Maybe its me? Sometimes I think some of these girls at my church would die a virgin before they talk to me.

 

Honestly whats the difference between women at work and at church??

[corvidae]

It's not that there's a difference between women at church and women at work, it's more that there's a difference between this great girl you found and most other women in the world. Honestly, most women seem to prefer a life of loneliness than admit they like a guy. Mostly when a woman has feelings for a man she pretends she doesn't, and can even become colder!! Not all women do this. Just most. Odd isn't it.