Why is it so important to everyone for me to keep living?

[Shinobie]

Why does everyone want me to keep living whenever so much hate for myself and life.I have no life whatsoever.I havent been seeing my friends much lately,Ive never had a gf or any girl relations,im failing out of school because of depression and the fact that i hate going to school to see stupid teenagers day after day again.I find no point in my life.What is there to live for?I have tried to commit suicide before because i sa no point then either.My family is screwed up and i always get yelkled at by my mom for strange reasons.Mostly what i do is stay hours on end playing video games all day long whenever im not doing things with my friends.Girls ahve called me ugly and i have had no girlfriends which makes me think that i am ugly.My friends constantly put me down and make fun of me teasing me too.I have no life i am a loser.I constantly suffer from depression and im bi-polar which makes it worse.I am not good at anything.Not even these games i play hours on end.People constantly beat me on games and i have never been good at anything.I always have some friend who is a lot better then me.Can someone give me one good point to me living that is good about me??Cause i cant seem to find something good out of my life.

[finnerss]

Hi Shinobie,

 

I feel you. Yet I hope this is good news for you, I can see a lot of rage in you, and guess what? rage is not always a bad thing, nor is depression. The fact that you feel angry about the way your life is going can be turned into an impressive weapon to do something great with your life, and please take into account i'm stressing something GREAT, as in good.

 

People are most of the times "Flat" in their emotions in the sense that if they don't have a problem of being angry or depressed, they don't have that "extra", and it seems like you have it, the only thing is that you have yet to find the best channel for you to take advantage of it. Instead of thinking how to kill yourself, which is too easy and too unfair when you have so much potential in you, make a list of things that you want to do, like sports, and don't care about if you are "Good" Or not in them. From your age I can tell you that sometimes becoming good at something takes more than 3 years, but the first thing to do is not to care about comments from people around you. That's hard, i know, but look for other places for people to give you their comments, like in here.

 

Have you tried venting your sadness and/or rage, both in their best of times, by writing? Tried to develop a character, a fictional character, who gets to do all the things you would like to do, and even start thinking and feeling like he would to discover what you might be missing? what you can get better at? or even poems or songs, and guess what? DOn't show them to the people who've put you down, try venting them out in here, or with some friends that you might not know in person but through the internet. If you want to talk, also send me a message, sometimes that's the kind of feedback you need, from people who care about you without "living" with you, since people too close to you might miss the good things you have, it's only normal.

 

This can also be focused on playing an instrument, if you like music, or anything that will make you stand out, just take into account that all these things take time to develop, so be willing to train yourself and NOT to quit until you become as good as you want, even if it takes years, find something of your own, something you like, something you don't care what people think, make it live by your own rules.

 

You have that extra that's needed for great people. Just turn it into an advantage, and not as something that makes you feel bad. WHen someone laughs or says something about you that you don't like to hear, take it as from whom it may come and think to yourself "I'm taller than that, those are simly stupid comments" And the fact that you can realize that means that you are a bigger person.

 

Hope you realize there's people out here for you, so just vent it out and let's figure something out. You've got a passion that really made me feel your message and that's a gift, doesn't matter what anyone else may think.

[sisterlynch]

You need to try and do things differently for a while. You can't do the same things over and over and expect to get real results, results come from change, growing. Figure out who you are and what you are going to do. do homeschooling if you are too depressed to attend school.

 

Get a therapist who is able to help you, make changes to your diet, health, take vitamins.

[Scandypop]

I know how difficult things must be for you, I have suffered from depression too, and it is such a difficult thing to help others with, because the person who is depressed never see any point in trying to make things better, because they feel doomed.

 

You have to remember that you are still young. Being a teenager is never easy, your hormones aren't helping you at all. I wondered, you said you are bi-polar, have you actually been properly diagnosed with this? If you are depressed all the time you are not bi-polar, you would have periods of the complete opposite as well. Regardless, there are many things out there to help you. Although I'm not a great fan of anti-depressants, they do help thousands of people. It may be worth you going to the doctor, at least to find out if you actually are bi-polar, because if you are it is quite likely that medication would be beneficial to you.

 

Another thing I think absolutely everyone in the world could benefit from at times, is counselling. You are bound to have things that have happened in your life that are affecting you today (most of us do!), and talking to someone who is from the outside and completely non-judgemental and there for you can help very much indeed.

 

In terms of what girls or people tell you about your looks, try not to listen to them, although I know this is very hard. You are still young, and are still developing, and regardless of how you look your looks will still change with age. Once you get older you will hopefully become more confident and happy with the way you look. In terms of a girlfriend, there really is someone out there for all of us, but sometimes it takes a while to find that person.

 

One of natures great anti-depressants is exercise. I don't know how you feel about that, but doing any form of physical exercise can do you so much good, not only because it produces "happy hormones", but also because it can give you the outlet you need to vent anger and frustrations, and also it can help put your thoughts in order. All of this will eventually make you more confident. Whatever form of exrcise you do, the longer you do it, the better you will get at it, simply because your body will grow fitter and stronger.

 

I think finners (above) gave some great advice, you need to find something to take your mind of things, or rather, something that can occupy you in order to beat your depression. You need to find constructive things to do, like exercise for example.

 

Life is precious, and if you can get through this you will turn into a very strong, level-headed person. And because of the horrible time you are going through now, you will be better equipped in future to take on anything, with a more positive attitude because you can look back and say "If I could get through that, I will be fine with this!".

 

Try not to worry, look around you. There are many good sides to life, it's juts that you can't see any of them at the moment. You've just lost your way a bit, but you will be ok one day.

 

Take care.

[PAdreamer]

Shinobie,

 

Personally I don't want you to kill yourself because I know that you're not always going to feel like this. Maybe you will for a long time. But eventually you won't, and then you'll be glad that you listened to all of these strangers who begged you to stick around. I don't want you to kill yourself because I've been there, and I know that you're hurting, but I also look at my life now and I understand how lucky I am. And I realize that now all of those things that seemed so big and made me feel so bad were just scary shadows on a wall. The could only hurt my spirit, and only if I was willing to let them.

 

You worry about so many things... All of these things that, if you wanted to, could become so small that you almost didn't notice them. But YOU have to do it, hun! No one else- not a girlfriend, not a shrink, not your friends or family- YOU have to make this happen. But I'll be here to listen. I know sometimes I'm tough on you.... It's not because I think you're stupid or that you deserve to feel the way you do. I'm trying to help, and I know I'm not always great at it and I can screw up. But I WILL be here if you need to talk.

[DBL]

First you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop being so negative. Stop spending your days and nights playing video games.

 

I suggest you break the mold, go out and party some. At 17 years old I was out partying with friends.

 

I have answered these posts for you just about every time since I been a member. Seems no matter what any of us say...you don't do anyway. The way I see it, you don't have many choices. Either make an effort to get past your issues or go seek professional help. Maybe you have a chemical imbalance.

 

Either way...sitting home playing video games is not going to help you. You tried your way, why don't you try our way? What did you ever do for Halloween? Did you go out like we suggested or did you sit home playing video games.

 

We can't help anybody that does not want to help themselves. I probably had less friends, and certainly less electronics to entertain myself when I was younger then you do. I was the kid that everyone left out and everyone picked on. However I didn't sit there and whine about why nobody likes me. I went out and changed myself. Ultimately being one of the most respected people in my neighborhood.

 

So stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up and doing something about it.

 

Good Luck

DBL

[OceanEyes]

Shinobie - the question here isn't "why is important to others that I live", it should be: What can I do to change my own life. Nobody is going to change it for you, and I am guessing that you must be counting on someone 'saving you' at some point. Guess what kid, it won't happen.

 

People here wouldn't reply to your posts if they didn't care about you whatsoever. I'm guessing that they would just pass it by and ignore it. Does that sound familiar? I can guarantee you that every single member here can give you example of how they have felt feelings of loneliness, isolation, rejection, disrespect, anger, guilt, sorrow, self-hate, shame, etc. We all have these emotions Shinobie. It's how you deal with them and rise above it that makes you A SURVIVOR. You can either let your feelings of negativity drag you so deep into a pit of rage and depression that it eventually destroys your spirit, or you can look at everyone who you've felt has been keeping you down and say, "hey, I have more power to change my life than I think - it's time that you all got a taste of what I'm really made of!". Use your rage to prove people wrong.

 

If you could take a few minutes and answer a couple of questions for me, I think we can help each other, and figure out some possible solutions for your situation:

 

1. When you have these horrible feelings, do you ever feel that you have anyone to vent them to? Have you ever felt like someone really listened to what you have to say?

 

2. In your own mind and heart, what do you truly feel could make a difference in how you feel?

 

3. Do you have people in your life who you can trust completely?

 

4. When someone calls you "ugly", are you offended because the person has disrespected you, or because you believe it and have just had someone confirm it for you?

 

5. Are you receiving treatment for your bi-polar disorder?

 

6. What do you think would help bring some hope to your life? And, I don't mean things having to do with other people (for example, if "so-and-so" liked me, or if the guys included me more, etc.). The reason I ask, is because feeling good about yourself has to come from within. If you allow yourself to depend on others to make you feel good, I fear that you may live a life of disappointment and loneliness.

 

Let's discuss you Shinobie. I am not going to tell you what you need or what "I think" is right for you. Let's hear what you have to say and take it from there.

[thisisnotanexit]

i agree.. you have to be more confident man! we all know you're a great person, we just wish you could see that. screw what anyone thinks of you..its their loss and they're stupid. use that as motivation to prove them wrong. you can do something with your life. just believe that you can! you'r e not going to be in school the rest of your life.you're not going to live with your mother your entire life..you're not going to be without a girlfriend your entire life..you'r enot going to have crappy friends the rest of your life..this stuff is really hard NOW. please remember that with time things will change for you. please don't get lost in your current sadness. i've been there and i'm so glad i didnt make such a permanant choice to end my life. things can be good, just believe that you can do it! you can go places and be somebody! you ARE worth it and we know it. thats'w hy we care about you. that's why we want to see you live. we will do anything we can to get you through this. i'm not the only one who can beat suicide. please try and lift yourself up out of all this, because you can and you will see that life can good be good. take care dude and msg me anytime..and check this out if you havent already

 

link removed

 

or call 1-800-SUICIDE

 

you are worth it!

[sisterlynch]

Shadow shadow...

 

Here is what I have been learning in my death and dying class that may make you think and answer your quest for something to do...

 

We are born with two basic drives one to kill ourselves and one to love and give to others. Your drive to kill yourself is coming thru to you because you are not in tune with yourself in a positve way. You hate others and you have no love for yourself.

 

You need to find someone in this world to love and that will love you in a positive manner...this can be done, it takes some skills -- not shooting other people down but to interact positively...this comes from loving yourself.

 

You cannot do anything that requires anything until you love yourself and one other person...try a 12 step program...

[DBL]

Isn't 12 steps for Alcoholics?

 

DBL

[sisterlynch]

It isn't just for alcoholism, it gets you into a flow of moving forward...That is what he needs, structure and goals, right?? Support, people around him...all that is good for him.

 

try this link

 

link removed

[OceanEyes]

That is what he needs, structure and goals, right??

 

Although I agree with you to some extent, I don't think it's up to us to tell Shinobie what he needs. What might seem like a wise decision to us, may not suit him. This is like giving someone else a piece of your puzzle and asking them to fit it into theirs. By saying things like:

 

- He needs

- He should

- This would be best for him

- Just go out and do this/ that

 

... isn't condusive to him growing as an individual. We are all separate individuals with different emotions, and something tells me that Shinobie is just not being heard.

[sisterlynch]

He is threatening suicide, that is pretty low, isn't it?

 

Where are his parents? Why can't they see how he is feeling?

 

There is more there than just waisting time on the computer, he is hurting and he doesn't know what the cause is...I am sorry, but when you at the bottom of the barrel, any help is welcome help.

[OceanEyes]

Where are his parents? Why can't they see how he is feeling?

 

This is sort of my point. We just don't know his life story, we don't know exactly how he feels and why he feels that way. I just wanted to give him the opportunity to be heard, and possibly understood.

[DBL]

I said my piece earlier, but like I said ealier..can't help those who won't help themselves. It all starts with him.

 

Now I read a lot of his posts, and they pretty much say the same thing over and over. Its all about him not having a girlfriend. I don't think it is anything else...like family or friends. It all goes to girls not liking him.

 

Shin...if you act around girls like you indicate how drepressed you are in your posts...you probably will not meet a girl. I mentioned a while back of a friend I have that is butt ugly. Except that he has a lot of confidence, which woman are attracted to.

 

I think you need to take a page out of Scouts and SysterLynches book...write out your goals...long and short..postive and negatives in your life. Then we can guide you in coquering them one by one.

 

Other then that and you showing that you can start doing something to better your life...this is probably going to be my last time replying to a post like this from you.

 

I'm here to help, I made me who I am...nobody guided me, nobody let me cry on their shoulders...you however have that option...so you either take it or live the way you are living now. I'm not saying take the same path I took, but I had a lot of girls and I had a lot of good times too...and my life had a bumpy start as well.

 

DBL

[xbox_modding_freak]

First you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop being so negative. Stop spending your days and nights playing video games.

 

I suggest you break the mold, go out and party some. At 17 years old I was out partying with friends.

 

We all tell u this often Shinobie but it doesnt seem to get through...Sure you can sit on ure butt playing halo2 all day chillin with the geeksquad or u can get out there and show life what you're made of..Trust me i used tot be sorry once, ive changed alot and i have become a better person. I have you on msn im me when something's up...Dude if you stop having such a negative attitude you CAN do something. Otherwise you'll just end up like you are now playing video games over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over etc etc

 

-XmF

[tea]

get away from your computer shinobie. Computers bring people to be depressed after about 2 hours. It's not something that's good for your body. At least stay away from your computer for half an hour every 2 hours. Take a book and go read. Better yet, go for a walk and go OUT SIDE. It helps a lot.

 

 

Other than that, I agree with what DBL says. Same goes out to anyone who wants to kill themselves. I don't care if you die... I really don't. If I ever tell you guys to live it's only because dying won't help you solve any of those problems you're having. You're just going to be dead, that's all. Not to mention the process is kind of painful and long. I think if people try to be more positive about themselves or make an attempt to focus on making their lives better, or just live it one day at a time, life gets easier. It might not actually be easier, but it'll certainly feel a lot easier.

 

Don't tell me I can only say that because i haven't been abused as a kid. I went through abuse from parents and from school too. Someone else told me recently that I was able to put up with all that because I have a boyfriend. BS. I met him 7 years after I got out of the worst, 2 years after I escaped from my home.

[Shinobie]

The computer is the only thing that brings me enjoyment almost nothing else cept for hanging out with my friends.Being bi-polar sucks i change my moods as much as i blink its fricken retarded.As for how i vent here.I am extrmely bottled up in real life and dont show anything of my depression except for when i dont talk and stay clammed up thats the only indication.Just little things make me sad.LIke my best friend is taking his girlfriend out too dinner.I come home to half life 2 and everquest 2 and some tacos where i sit in my room and go play with some of my other friends around my town in these games.See my mind just thinks like why do other people have it so much better?Why arnt i getting what these people are getting?O well im stupid

[DBL]

Shin if you were 18 and lived in Florida I would make you go out!

 

Being sinlge isn't all that much fun I agree. I remember being in situations like that before as well. You are young though...you have plenty of time to get in the niche of things. Maybe you should grab the guys and instead of playing half life 2, you all can go grab something to eat. Get out, flirt with some waitresses...most waitresses will flirt with you because they want a good tip. Plus it would be good practice in talking to chicks.

 

You need to get out and about, unless you like girl scout cookies the girls are not going be knocking on your door. Nothing comes easy.

 

DBL

[thisisnotanexit]

well everyone does not have it better. i wish you knew how great you had it! believe me, no matter how bad you feel you have it, someone has it worse. but if you dont like your situation, get out there and something about it dude. you're a great kid and you can still live a normal life. i'm sorry about you being pibolar, but you can still meet people and have fun..youll meet great people who understand you. you can do it and youre worth it! i just wanna see you happy and see that you understand what a cool person you are..were all here for you!

[Shinobie]

Well as for the whole holloween thing yep i stayed home and played comuter games.My computer is my own best friend in some situations.Sometimes i dont like to be around girls cause they hurt me so much and put me down in their own ways.I tried it out a couple times like 3 months ago.Actually going on a date but i came home completely depressed and ended up having a horrible night.She instead got interest in some other guys and sat away from me by the time we got to the theatre.I walked around the theatre waiting to go back home for like 3 hours depressed as hell.Had to wait because we were 30 miles away from my house and they were the ones with the cars.Those chances never come anymore because im too ignorant and stupid to women.They only come to stuck up arogant jerks who use women.They dont like us shy,innocent,and nice guys becauce most of the time we are too unatractive.

[xbox_modding_freak]

Hey DBL ... I would play HL2 all day but my pc is too crummy

 

Girls dont look at looks shin...They go for personality. So what if you havent got a GF it's not the end of the world is it...Just chill with friends go to pizzahut once in a while have a laugh etc etc Otherwise stay hoem play halo2 and just stay there complaining nothing is getting better when you can try going out and doing something, i used to play cricket every 2 days but its winter in uk now and too cold and i miss having fun and playing cricket get out man!!1 or just stay at home ignoring us telling you to get out

 

Your problem

 

-XmF

[tea]

He said it.

 

If all you're going to do is to complain and never bother to make changes because you don't even want to try the suggestions out, then you're truly on your own.

 

Part of asking for advice is actually DOING as the advice suggested. Complain that you have no where to go isn't really going to help you. Go find an organization and have some fun. Complaing that your computer's your own best friend is kind of... if it is, shut it down, throw it out of the window and go look for another best friend. People can complain all they want. Their situation will NEVER get better until they actively change their environment.

 

...and don't interpret that as me telling you to go kill yourself, of course, if you decide to kill yourself, it's your problem, not mine. I still maintain that killing yourself won't solve anything exept you'll forever be remembered as the selfish kid that killed himself and caused everyone else pain but never paid for the funeral or the grave that cost more than 50k on average.

 

Live, when you're 28 your life will definitely get better. You'll have the ability to find a job, to choose a partner, to have a dog, to live where you want to and never take any **** from whoever's making you unhappy right now. Only 11 more years to go.

[lonly112000]

We want you here because you are one of us. Your are a human and all humans have that reason to want you here. Life just sux some times i can tell you i had two of my best friends die in the same month and a year later i was diagnosed with cancer. I beat both of those things by looking at the very small some what morbid good things such as my friend that died racing his car, he would have rather died in that car doing what he loved than just slipping away in some hospital when he was like 80. My other friend died in in a motorcycle wreck but thats somthin he loved doin. He wanted to die doing that he wanted to die racing some one side by side. Its what he loved. Through my cancer i was thinking of just getting through it although i didnt think i was going to make it thats the small tiny little ray of hope that kept me going. I still have things i have to work out i still have to put my life back together but i know it will come back together. Life will test you to your limits it will go past what you think you can bear but you can make it. People who take there on life havent been pushed past there limit they have just thought about it so much they decided for them selves that they had. When life gets hard just try to find somthing good to think about no matter how small it might be one singal tiny ray of hope will pull you through a mountain of trouble. Don't do anything stupid. Some people might give me crap for this but here is what i think about everytime before i race and is one of my montra's : Live life to the fullest even if it means death.

[Shinobie]

Holy crap tea.You are definitely the meanest person that has ever posted to me on this site.I come here because there is no where else to FRICKEN go.I am clammed up in real life because i never complain to friends because it bothers them.I complain and vent on this site because that is part of what it is meant for cause i cant do it anywhere else.Your a mean person to say thats its not your problem if i kill myself because i care about others too.Its just that this bi-polar stuff doesnt make any sense all the time and makes me extremely depressed.I just vent because i truly dont deserve what i get.I am one of the nicest people u can meet and i just help anybody that i can and be as nice as possible.