Just friends

[Helpme86]

Well, I met this girl a couple of years ago in a high school class. She sat next to me and our two desk were separated from the rest of the class, along with one other kid. We were not bad kids, only there was not enough room in the class for all of our desks.

Heres the scoop. She and I talked a bit for the first few weeks of school and I became more comfortable around her. She is very atractive and has a great personality. I on the other hand am not that atractive but aparently she did not care. I started to like her more and more everyday but never acted more than just a "school friend". When second semester rolled around the seating in the class changed and we no longer sat next to each other.

As her luck would have it, her new B/F was also in that class and they were always talking and with each other. So she and I never really talked much after that. I got her AIM SN and I talked to her a bit on that but she was rarely on. Well school ended and we never really taked again until senior year, besides the occasional hi in the hall.

Sr year we had another class together, but in my oppinion we were just too far apart to talk like we used to and I became less comfortable around her. Agian we would talk a bit but nothing more than a school friend. I learned that she was going AWAY to college and I was just torn. So I finally got the balls to ask her to do something. She showed some intrest in paintballing, I paintball, so I aksed her if she wanted to come with one time. She gave me her cell number and I called her later on asking if she wanted to go. She said she did not think she would so I was like thats cool, Oh well right. The time passed and I asked when she was leaving for college, I found out it was "soon" and she was happy to go. I then asked if she wanted to do something before she left, she said sure.

School ended for the summer before college and I called her like two or three times over the summer. In the end we never did anything. She then left for college and I never really got to say goodbye. It turned out that she went on AIM for the first time in over a year! I talked to her for a bit, then I worked the balls up agian to tell her I liked her. I did. Not much was said after that. She just did not know what to say. Long story short (LMAO not really) she kind of knew I liked her, but she only liked me as a friend. We talked on and off and something arose that seemed to almost change her opinion on me.

She realized that I have been nothing short of really nice to her and she never "noticed it". She said when she gets back from college (shes coming home for good to go to JR college like me 8) ) that we would do something. She has told me several times that we are just friends and that she has a serious boyfriend. I said I know.

Not that long ago I was talking to her and she said that she wanted to get through JR college ASAP to get to her current B/F's college. I said how long you going to be there, she said a year, OR LESS! I was like, great! Ever since then I can't get my mind off of her. It would really f-ing blow to lose her as a friend because I've never like any one like this before. For the past few weeks she has not been responding to my AIM IM. Its not like she does not want to talk to me, I think, she is just really busy. I just like talking to her and its sucks really bad that I have not been able to. OK, long story short for you lazy people, jk. I can't get her out of my head and it is really aggravating me. It's almost hurting my day to day activities. What should I do? Any comments on what to do if we ever do somethingThanks to all of you who took the time to post and read this. BTW, I'm so dead if she ever reads this! I'm sorry!

 

[acts12]

Dude, it sounds like this girl is a lost cause. The funny thing is that girls always say that they want a guy who is like head over heels for them, and when those guys come along, they miss the boat. She missed out dude, you have to move on and go to someone who will like you back and not someone that is a lost cause that you continue to like but get nothing in return. Life is way to short to waste your time wishing some girl will like you. There are so many other girls out there, and though it may seem hard now, you will find one better. This girl is a waste of your precious time.

[Guarana Galrok]

Looks like you got it made buddy. Just be as nice (preferably more) as you have been and pay attention to her when you do something. Try to build on what you have learned about her as a friend, but drift away from things that she has shown interest in but doesn't really want to do (E.G. paintballing). Congrats n good luck!

[Beec]

Well, the first thing I would do is stop IMing her. If you do this a lot, you will be chasing her, and you don't want to do that.

 

I don't like that you told her you liked her, but it's done. What's done is done.

 

Go look at the principles on link removed. And see if you understand them. Ask if you don't.

 

Then think about how you can approach her in a way that says you will accept being just friends with her. Will you be accepting this as your fate? NO WAY, but you want her to be able to think it.

 

If she IMs you, don't ignore it, but be vague, especially about your feelings.

[Guarana Galrok]

I disagree with acts12's advice. There may be other fish in the sea...but sometimes our lures are a little dysfunctional! I don't think there's much better way to spend a short life than wishing some girl will like you-because when one finally does it will be all the better (not just another break up when you are with a girl you don't really like that much). Best of luck!

 

GG

[Alabama]

It's good your deciding to keep a friendship, and I hope it lasts. It sounds that all that is going to happen, so I suggest move on. Maybe look for someone else or just keep talking to this girl. Yet whatever you decide, good luck!

[Helpme86]

Thanks for all the quick replies. I know I should just give up, but its hard to do. I guess I'm not pursuing a love relationship, I just want to be friends, good friends. Not just a friend that you talk to once a month, but someone that you can call up when you have nothing else to do. And to the one that said to stop IMing her, dude, that will be HHAAAARRRRRDDDDDD to do. I had said that our seats got moved around in class, well she was the one that said, "why dont you really talk to me anymore". I just said, I don't know. But again, that was a couple of years ago. If I stop IMing her I don't want to lose any bit of friendship that we have. Its not like she does not want to talk to me at all, she even told me to go apply where she will be working when she gets back becuase she knows I HATE my job. Then she asked me if I had yet. So.......I don't know, I'm just really confused. Its not everyday a girl like this just happens to sit next to you. I know I'm not the only one that really like(d) this girl, a friend of mine unbeknown to be did. ](*,) ](*,)

[DropToZero]

I dont know exactly what you ppl are thinking, but man, I was in your almost same exact position thru out my junior and senior year of HS....your story is almost identical in many ways....weird. But I didnt exactly chase her...maybe I should have...but anyways, I thought about her so much my head hurt too. Honestly, if she keeps saying she only wants to be friends, I dont know what you can do....but what I have learned, is that most girls dont want to be chased....and its the same problem I had in a way. You had your last few years of HS and you spent your time fixated on one girl that never came around, and that's what I did too..stay friends still...but you're gonna have to let it go and find someone else.....sorry

[acts12]

I disagree with acts12's advice. There may be other fish in the sea...but sometimes our lures are a little dysfunctional! I don't think there's much better way to spend a short life than wishing some girl will like you-because when one finally does it will be all the better (not just another break up when you are with a girl you don't really like that much). Best of luck!

 

You may disagree, but wishing around for a girl for too long is a waste of time. This is essentially making you look like a little puppy dog. i.e. not the dominant one in the relationship. And believe me, you do not want this. Yeah, puppies might seem nice to girls, but look at the way they treat them. The puppy just follows them around for attention all the time. If you did end up with this girl, are these the terms you would want? No, and neither would she. But this is how it would be.

 

If you are gonna play with the big dogs man, you dont want to be a puppy. By the way the puppy loses. Puppies are cute and cuddly, but essentially that is not what a girl wants. Girls ultimately go for the more dominant men. Not puppies.

 

By the way, you do not need to wish 2 years of your life away into liking a girl so that when and if she finally decided to like you wont "have a just another break up with some girl you dont like". Thats just ridiculous. What, does chasing after a girl for two years make you like so much to the point that you wont break up with her. I dont understand this point.

 

My point is though, man, move on, drop her. You fine before you met her and you will be even better after you move on. She has already wasted enough of you time, there is no need to give her anymore unless something really miraculous happens. And even if it does, she would have to be the one doing most of the initiating.

 

Later.

[Helpme86]

acts12, so young so harsh, damn that rap music! I agree with you, BUT its not the easiest thing to do. Ok stupid comparison. Its like asking some one to just drop all cummunication with their mom. Ok not everyone likes their mom but seriously. I don't think I have wasted time because its not everyday I work up the balls to actually talk to a girl of that "caliber". To tell some one to stop doing something harmful to themselves is one thing, but to tell some one to stop trying. I don't know, I'm still so confused.

And to the one that had the same story (forgot your sn), Hey whats going on? You are not alone and I guess I'm not too. 8)

*BTW*She came online, and I did not say anything to her.(she did not IM me either though)

[Beec]

acts12 is not that far off. Harsh, but mostly true.

 

If you act like a little puppy dog, one would call you clingy and needy, not what is bringing a woman to you. Be independent adn allof, vague about how you feel, and you will be much better off. At least bringing them in.

 

After a while, they should know how you feel, but onyl after they are your girlfriend.

[acts12]

*BTW*She came online, and I did not say anything to her.(she did not IM me either though)

 

Exactly my point. The only way you are gonna talk to this girl is if you keep following her around. Unless you see her doing the following around, you should stop while you are still ahead (still ahead compared to tomorrow and the weeks to come.)

 

acts12, so young so harsh, damn that rap music! I agree with you, BUT its not the easiest thing to do.

I dont listen to rap music but I see where you might have got the from. Secondly, its not supposed to be easy. If it was, nobody would ever get hurt. We are just your coach in the corner trying to get you to work yourself up to whats best for you. I know firsthand how hard it is. But after I got over it, it turned me into what I am now and I have a much better understanding of things. But its the principal of the matter and you have to do what you have to man.

[Helpme86]

I was just joking around acts12. So if I stop talking to her (as much) should I still talk to her in general? Like, hey, whats new? I know she kind of wants to be friends with me still (I think). Unless she is just saying those things to be nice. But what she has said to me before really leads me to think that^.

[acts12]

Friends are a two-way street, right? So I would say let it be, dont avoid her, and if she really wants to be friends, she'll come up to you and talk. And you should talk back, but do not pursue. Then you will see if she is just doing it to be nice, which is usually the case with most girls. Just be yourself, since that is the person you are best at being, and be friendly. Whatever you do, dont sweat it, girls have this like sixth sense or something when it comes to that kind of stuff, so you wont really fool her.

[Beec]

The only way you are gonna talk to this girl is if you keep following her around. Unless you see her doing the following around, you should stop while you are still ahead (still ahead compared to tomorrow and the weeks to come.)

 

Not sure I entirely agree.

 

If he keeps after her and after her, IMing her every time she is online, calling her without her ever calling him, etc., then it is right. If he really is following her, and she knows it, he has little chance.

 

But, if he contacts her, makes her feel special, then withdraws, and repeats that process over time in a not predictable manner, sometimes there, other times seeming less interested, then his chances improve. Tough game to play though.

[acts12]

I was making a point that if he keeps following her around, that this is the only way he is going to talk to her. But since you shouldnt keep following a girl around, then I was trying to say that he needs to stop. And just forget about her. I was NOT suggesting following her around. Thats a bad idea. Maybe I misunderstood.

[Helpme86]

I think we are bit off track here, but I really like the support I'm getting, thanks. I am not pursuing her as a GF, just as a friend. I KNOW we can;t be together, thats not what I'm doing. I just want to stay friends with her because she is all aorund a great person. Friend or girl friend, I would like to stay in touch. I don't call her I only IM her. So when she gets on AIM, all I do is say Hi, and then if I don't get a responce I just figure she is busy. Half the time her away message says, Homework, or something to that affect. And I know she is busy a lot too, whether she is typing her notes or not. So...Anymore help?

[Helpme86]

I think we are bit off track here, but I really like the support I'm getting, thanks. I am not pursuing her as a GF, just as a friend. I KNOW we can;t be together, thats not what I'm doing. I just want to stay friends with her because she is all aorund a great person. Friend or girl friend, I would like to stay in touch. I don't call her I only IM her. So when she gets on AIM, all I do is say Hi, and then if I don't get a responce I just figure she is busy. Half the time her away message says, Homework, or something to that affect. And I know she is busy a lot too, whether she is typing her notes or not. So...Anymore help?

[acts12]

All I have to say is that friendships are two-way things. They just work. They click. You shouldnt have to "seek out" a friendship. Thats all ive got for you on that one.

[Helpme86]

You got a point. Well thanks for all of your help guys. I'll keep you updated for when she gets back in town. She only live like 5 mins from my house. 8)

[Helpme86]

Well I kind of have stopped thinking about her everyday, which is good. I have not talked to her on AIM in a long time. Shes never on, but when she comes on its only for like 3 seconds then she leaves. I still kind of want to be friends with her when she gets back in town. Since I have not talked to her in a while I don't know when she gets back. I wonder if she read this? Then I'm definatly dead to her. Think I pissed her off? What should I do....?

[acts12]

I have not talked to her in a while I don't know when she gets back. I wonder if she read this? Then I'm definatly dead to her. Think I pissed her off? What should I do....?

 

Who cares, you're not a puppy dog. I seriously doubt she read this man. And if she did, then she'll know that your not gonna follow her around anymore. Maybe she'll learn something. HA! jk

[Helpme86]

I know I'm not a dog, just a bit dedicated.

[acts12]

yeah man, but you need to pick your battles wisely.

[Helpme86]

yeah man, but you need to pick your battles wisely.

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