pandorasbox1 Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 An update: Its been 6 weeks and almost 3 days since NC. We tried the whole friends thing but I felt like it was a whole "he wanted his cake and to eat it too" kind of situation so I walked away last Tuesday. I contacted him on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. The last two pieces of contact we had, he seemed quite happy and upbeat and that me walking away was the right thing for us both. He said he didnt want anything to happen that would make us hate/resent eachother so its probably better this way. He said one day he may contact me. He initially said "Bye" then "Bye for now". Im not really sure what to make of any of it but I decided I should stop contacting him and put some distance between us. I dont know who's feelings he was trying to spare by adding the "for now" part... Anyway, yesterday I had a family thing I had to go to at my dad's house because it was his GF's bday. Her daughter was there (Im a year older) and she had brought her BF along... For some reason this all just wound me up. It felt like a giant kick in the teeth or a slap in face or both... a hundred times over. It made me feel like there was something seriously wrong with me that I couldnt/ wasnt able to keep a relationship going. They seemed so happy and all I could think about was how my ex should have been there with me and that we still should have been together. I know he wouldnt have come with me, even if I begged him. He's become this person I dont recognise anymore. I know the person I fell in love with is still in there somewhere. All I can see are happy couples though and its driving me nuts. Its making me feel so inadequate and insecure and is certainly doing nothing for my self esteem. Im at such a low point. I dont want to speak to anyone, I just want to stay holed up in my room and in bed all day. I have so much pressure on me with university too but I cant focus on anything. I removed his photos from my phone yesterday... and stored them elsewhere, all except one. Maybe its just to remind me that once upon a time I was happy and I fell inlove with a great person. I feel like a walking contradiction. I dislike him but I love him. I feel relief but sadness. I want him but I dont. My head and my heart are at war with eachother and I feel like I dont even know who I am at this point in time. I feel so hollow and empty and numb. I truly miss him and each day just existing seems like a chore. I know it gets easier with time, but right now I feel as though im just staring down an infinite tunnel of darkness and loneliness. Link to comment
surfjon Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 6 weeks is a hard place, you're starting to settle into acceptance, but still miss him....It's normal.... I recall after not seeing her romantically for about 6 weeks that I too didn't know her anymore, she wasn't the girl I fell in love with and I accepted that she was a different person and I walked away. Relationships are difficult at best, IMO they are ALL doomed to fail eventually, and it's how we learn to deal with the demise of a relationship that is crucial. We can either accept the fact that all things fail, deal with the loss by going thru the 5-stages of grief, and heal and move on.... Or we can be needy, clingy, and desperate trying to get the person back....which will not work anyway, merely making us emotional wrecks while we try to hang on.... Just let go or be dragged. Link to comment
pandorasbox1 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Share Posted April 22, 2013 He changed toward the end of the relationship... so its not just that he is different now. He changed right in front of me. He became this selfish self-centred person who had time for everyone except for the one person who actually would have done anything for him. I couldnt tell him I missed him, I couldnt compliment him, I couldnt ask for more of his time... I couldnt call him at work unless it was an emergency yet he would go out and see his friends during his worktime... I couldnt speak to him and openly communicate my unhappiness to him because his immediate response was to always call it quits. He thought he was perfect throughout the whole relationship and that I alone caused its demise. I think thats the part I really just cant get over... How he became this person right in front of me. Part of me thinks he will realise his mistakes, but I know I shouldnt count on it. He only ever saw my flaws and none of his own which is heartbreaking in its own way. I could never be with him again if he didnt become the man I fell in love with once again.... Just like he wants me to be the old me. Link to comment
surfjon Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 My girl did the same,but it was slower, over like almost 2 years the dynamic changed. She did just what your guy did...the back and forth texts stopped, the sweet phone calls, quit coming over alot (she used to almost live at my house), time for friends and binge-drinking but hardly wanted to go do anything with me anymore, I saw it happen but hoped she'd "snap out of it", but never did, just got colder until I had to walk. And also, all those "happy couples", nothing is really as it seems.........don't obsess, they have their issues at the end of the day! Link to comment
pandorasbox1 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Share Posted April 22, 2013 I think thats why I knew I had to walk away... Maybe I wasnt what he really wanted anymore or maybe Im not what he needs at this point in his life... It sucks because I gave him everything, I supported him and even pushed him to go do his studies because I knew thats what he wanted. I was there every step of the way for a year and a half and all I got was neglect. I hope one day he will see what he lost in me Link to comment
nfperception Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Sounds like you and I dated the same person. Link to comment
nfperception Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 My girl did the same,but it was slower, over like almost 2 years the dynamic changed. She did just what your guy did...the back and forth texts stopped, the sweet phone calls, quit coming over alot (she used to almost live at my house), time for friends and binge-drinking but hardly wanted to go do anything with me anymore, I saw it happen but hoped she'd "snap out of it", but never did, just got colder until I had to walk. And also, all those "happy couples", nothing is really as it seems.........don't obsess, they have their issues at the end of the day! Yep, so agree with that. "Don't judge a book by its cover". Link to comment
pandorasbox1 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Share Posted April 22, 2013 its comforting to know I am not the only to go through a relationship with a guy who actually wanted nothing to do with me for months out of the relationship Link to comment
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