I think I'm in love with my best female friend...but is she?

[heffnate77]

I'm 27, single and have a good friend of about 8 years now, who I've become very close with in the past 6-7 months and I think I'm falling in love with her. We went to college together and I'd always thought of her as an attractive female, but thought nothing beyond that with too much seriousness. In the past, even though we were friends, there were many times when I knew we could never take the friendship to the next level. We had very opposite and stubborn personalities and we got on each others nervers a lot. However, we've become a lot closer in the last year and I can tell that we've both changed for the better...we get along so much better and don't have the blow-ups anymore like we did in the past. My problem is that she's dating another guy right now (for the past 2-3 months) and I think I keep getting these signals from her when he's around as if she's flirting with me. I get a little uncomfortable when she does this because she's dating him, but sort of flirting with me. She's always nice to me, but she seems to go that extra step when he's around. So, I'm not sure if she's trying to tell me (non-verbally) that she's interested in me or what?? I'm very confused and obviously don't want to screw up our friendship or her relationship with the other guy. And I'm not very good at reading body language or non-verbal signals or even verbal signals from her. I can't tell if she's just being nice or flirting. I might talk to her best female friend, who is a good friend of mine too, for some advice. I've thought about it a lot and think we'd be great together, but I don't know where to go from here...can anyone help me out??

[Beec]

Well, I don't think you should tell her, that would be a big mistake. I would not tell her friend either, because that is likely to get back to her, and put you in the place of having told her. What you are basically saying is that she has begun to flirt with you, onlynow when she has a different guy. And she does it only when he is there. Sounds to me like either she is trying to make him jealous, or she only feels safe to show you any itnerest when you are not in any position to act on it.

 

If you want her, then you have to figure out how to treat her. And that is all about reading her. Which tell me you had better study up on bodylanguage, because that's the ticket to reading her.

[heffnate77]

Thanks for the response.

To give a little more info....I think she has the general feeling that friends should never hook up. A couple years ago, I remember a conversation where that came up and she thought that was just too weird, so maybe she still sort of thinks that way and I of course want her to see that that's not the attitude you should have.

 

As far as the way I treat her, I treat her great and she treats me great, but I guess it's hard to explain to someone who has never met either one of us. The main problem is her dating this other guy. I obviously can't break that up, so do I just wait it out and hope they eventually break up or what??? I still want to go out to dinner with her or go to a movie or maybe buy her things, but I'm not sure if that would be intruding on her relationship with the other guy. Personally, since I've known her so much longer, I think it's just fine doing all those things. I just want to get accross to her how I really feel without blowing up her relationship with the other guy or screwing up our relationship.

[Beec]

As far as the way I treat her, I treat her great and she treats me great, but I guess it's hard to explain to someone who has never met either one of us. The main problem is her dating this other guy. I obviously can't break that up, so do I just wait it out and hope they eventually break up or what??? I still want to go out to dinner with her or go to a movie or maybe buy her things, but I'm not sure if that would be intruding on her relationship with the other guy. Personally, since I've known her so much longer, I think it's just fine doing all those things. I just want to get accross to her how I really feel without blowing up her relationship with the other guy or screwing up our relationship.

 

You cannot overtly try to break them up, but buying her things and taking her to dinner may not be a good idea either. Letting her know how you feel would be a BAD idea, very bad.

 

Check out the principles on link removed. You want to make her feel special while you remain aloof, not needy or clingy. It's about how you make her feel, not how you feel.