BetterWithoutU Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I'm mostly over my ex now, but I am still bothered by something he said to me when we broke up. He told me I'm selfish for wanting to be with him, I'm still confused by that. I should probably add that he did have a few mental health issues that he refused to get help for. What do you guys make of what he said? Link to comment
jmlawrence Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Dont b bothered by it let it go. And the fact he has mental issues shows what he said makes no sense prob not even to him so why decipher it? it's his problem now not urs. Ur doing gud moving on. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 His comment has no deeper meaning. It is probably just something he said to get a reaction from you or to make himself feel better about breaking up with you. He broke up with you. Right? Just try not to think so much about what he said. First of all, what he said does not matter because the relationship is over. And second of all, there is no significant meaning attached to what he told you. Thinking about things like this will only worsen the way you feel about yourself. There is nothing that you can fix, so there is no reason to dwell. Link to comment
sarahvalent Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Agreed that there is no significant meaning attached to what he said - mentally unstable people say lots of things that have no meaning and are merely intended to manipulate you into a certain action. I suspect he was wanting to keep a hold of you, and in a way he has because you are still placing meaning on something he said and trying to figure it out. It has no meaning. If I were trying to figure it out, I would conclude that "if I REALLY loved him, I would have expected so much less of him because if I was REALLY thinking about him, then I wouldn't have put the pressure of a relationship on him... so therefore I acted wrongly because I must not have REALLY loved him..." It's a way to shift blame and manipulate you. In fact, if he were not ready for a relationship or whatever then the onus was on him to tell you this upfront and not mess with your emotions and enter a relationship prematurely with you. So once again, mentally unstable = manipulate = quit thinking about because it has no reflection of reality and I am guessing you put up with a lot of crap in that relationship and probably handled it better than a lot of people would have, as you are clearly considerate and tried to act in his best interests. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 It's a way to shift blame and manipulate you. In fact, if he were not ready for a relationship or whatever then the onus was on him to tell you this upfront and not mess with your emotions and enter a relationship prematurely with you. So once again, mentally unstable = manipulate = quit thinking about because it has no reflection of reality and I am guessing you put up with a lot of crap in that relationship and probably handled it better than a lot of people would have, as you are clearly considerate and tried to act in his best interests. I was thinking that what you state may have been the case. A highly functioning sociopath will be able to do such a thing. Although I was not going to propose such an idea considering the sort of awareness a person must have in order to know how another person will react to their every word. I can comprehend a person behaving in such a way, but he or she would have to be quite intelligent. It is unclear what the original poster's ex-boyfriends mental health issues are, so proposing that he planned such a reaction is giving him a lot of credit. Link to comment
sarahvalent Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I was thinking that what you state may have been the case. A highly functioning sociopath will be able to do such a thing. Although I was not going to propose such an idea considering the sort of awareness a person must have in order to know how another person will react to their every word. I can comprehend a person behaving in such a way, but he or she would have to be quite intelligent. It is unclear what the original poster's ex-boyfriends mental health issues are, so proposing that he planned such a reaction is giving him a lot of credit. I have had similar things said to me by someone mentally unstable, who at the time I decided was a sociopath. Years later, I still wonder if he was or was just really mentally unstable, but he definitely wasn't THAT intelligent. And in fact, I had a guy try to manipulate me earlier this year who wasn't a sociopath (but also had mental health issues). I don't really think you have to be that smart though? Women tend to act the same way to things. If you want her interested, you flirt then act uninterested... and the ones who don't have totally great self esteem (which really, isn't that nearly all of us?) will suddenly really want that guy. Things like that, it's the same way that as women we know how to flirt... and we know that if we aren't interested we try to avoid looking at the guy or smiling etc. I honestly think it is just something inside ourselves that we inherently know or have picked up on and learnt, and I think men likely know this too. Link to comment
BetterWithoutU Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Thanks for your responses guys I feel much better now. I don't want to post here what issues he had as this is a forum he reads and I don't want him to know who I am. He talked about the things he believed were wrong with him but refused to seek help for them, claiming it wouldn't help and he hates doctors. It frustrated me because I have some issues of my own (social anxiety, depression) which I went and got help with. If you want to know specifics of what he said he had, feel free to pm me. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I told my ex "I HATE YOU" when he dumped me! What does that mean??? Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I agree with this, that the bolded part is probably some variation on what he was trying to say with that statement. Whatever he meant, he was being manipulative. My ex told me similar things; we were talking about "us" (I put that in quotes because apparently there really WAS no us -- at least not in his mind) and he said, "You're greedy. You want it ALL" -- just because I said I wanted a relationship with him! Two different therapists I saw over the course of several years, when I told them about this and myriad other things he said like this, said he probably has a personality disorder. Can I know for sure? Nope, and I would never presume to diagnose him nor let two therapists who haven't met him diagnose him, BUT...at the very least, he was being a jerk. You don't need someone in your life who would say something like that to you. It's an emotional manipulation tactic designed to make you feel terrible and make him feel powerful. Don't waste another second worrying about it. Link to comment
BetterWithoutU Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Oh and @ExcitedtoSleep forgot to answer your question in my reply, yes he broke up with me. Link to comment
Not a rookie Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I'm mostly over my ex now, but I am still bothered by something he said to me when we broke up. He told me I'm selfish for wanting to be with him, I'm still confused by that. I should probably add that he did have a few mental health issues that he refused to get help for. What do you guys make of what he said? Why should you care about what he said. He is not mentally stable. He is loco: insane in the membrane. Link to comment
BetterWithoutU Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Well after the help I got here I certainly don't it was just something that was in the back of my mind for a while. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.