Reading and ignoring my text how to deal?

[Redabc123]

If any of you have been following my post, I dated this guy very casually for a little over a month, I was busy Wednesday afternoon and didnt text him which to me wasn't a big deal because it was nothing to text. That evening he seemed upset about it, trying it to get him to talk about it was a fail, the next day comes and I hear nothing from him, assuming he still angry I left him alone. Today I send him a text casually saying goodmorning and that I miss him, to lighten the mood he texts back no you don't, I brush off what he says assure him I do and tell him I hope to see him later.. Hours pass and I notices he reads the text but doesn't respond, assuming he is busy I text him a question mark to get clarity he reads that hours later, so stupid me I send him one last text tell him I'm confused and would like to talk to him, he reads but doesn't reply. So now I'm up at 2 in the morning writing this feeling awful and confused. To me when someone ignores you it's the worse feeling. Obviously he doesn't want to talk which is upsetting me but how do I deal, do I reach out or start deleting him from my social media and such. I'm bummed because I liked him... Help please

[SpottiOtti]

Dude, if he's this bent out of shape because you were too busy to text him for one afternoon I would just call this one a loss and move one. That sounds like waaaaay too much trouble for someone you're "casually" dating. You know? And now he's ignoring you, so he's making it easy. His loss. I wouldn't delete him from everything necessarily because then it looks like you reacted too emotionally to him ignoring you. Just ignore him back and delete him after a couple weeks or something.

[lemondust]

Thinking you need to be firm with this guy, because I have experienced similar behaviour, cold-shoulder, being ignored, or if he replies it's neutral and not the usual friendly communication.

 

I still don't understand why someone would behave in such a way, but what I would have done differently was stamp it out as soon as possible, by making it clear that ignoring me or behaving in a distant manner isn't acceptable, that if he has a concern or problem he needs to voice it, or things will go no further between us.

 

If you don't get firm with him, he will just be funny with you whenever he feels like it. Tell him as reasonably as you can, this behaviour isn't acceptable, and if he can't change it, then you can't have anything more to do with him.

 

Apparently we teach people how to treat us, its up to you to teach this man how to treat you.

[Redabc123]

How do I do that if he is ignoring me

[doctorlove]

Well, maybe a lot of us now are currently experiencing this type of situation and I'm also one of these people. Actually,there are

different reasons why he keeps ignoring your messages...

1. He's doesn't want you to make the first move. Well, A lot of girls nowadays are liberated and they tend to move and flirt first with those typical and liked men. But did you ever consider yourself doing this type of action? If yes, then you should think that maybe the reason why he won't reply to you is that he doesn't want you to make the first move and approach him, hence, wait for his text up until he realized his immaturity and that it's his loss, not yours. LOL

2. Immature guy, get loss. Many young men now especially when in terms of dating are currently immature. Why? Because they are selfish enough to ignore other people's feelings and these type of people are afraid - afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. But remember, if you start dating and loving someone, it means you must be ready to be hurt anytime and anywhere.

I have still a lot of reasons but for me, I think this 2 are most probably the answers for your question.

What you must do is to approach nicely but if he can't get over it, with a simply situation, then, stop it now. Because you will be just wasting your time if you let this feeling grow.

[Redabc123]

Thank you for the advice I texted him the morning hopefully he responds

[savignon]

As an outsider, it seems that you've been on a mere 7 dates with him and this is the 3rd time he's treated you poorly/ignored you/blown you off. If you *truly* didn't like "being ignored" you would look for someone who didn't argue/ignore/accuse you so early on in a relationship. Red flags everywhere...if you don't keep putting yourself in he position of being ignored by texting someone who doesn't answer you, then he can't ignore you!!

[IAmFCA]

OP It is extraordinarily frustrating to expect more responsiveness/intimacy from someone who doesn't offer it. I suggest you change your expectations.

 

Having done that, your expectations will be aligned with his behavior. Now, ask yourself, is this what I want?

 

The answer? No, it isn't. Maybe you can learn to give him time and space before responding, but go back to the original situation: he was annoyed that you didn't text him. And that annoyance is enough for him to blow you off completely? Forget it. He has moved on, or is punishing you. Neither is in your best interest.

[lemondust]

If he doesn't answer your calls, send him a text message. But I agree with what Savignon said. This guy is behaving like this very early, it doesn't bode well for a happy relationship with this person. He's red flagging...so it's up to you to decide if this is worth the energy.

[Redabc123]

If he doesn't answer your calls, send him a text message. But I agree with what Savignon said. This guy is behaving like this very early, it doesn't bode well for a happy relationship with this person. He's red flagging...so it's up to you to decide if this is worth the energy.

 

I did text him which wasn't smart, but I thought it was worth a try, he of course ignored me, but I'm learning from this. What I don't understand is instead of ignoring me why didnt he just answer me and say he was no longer interested.. Why draw it out?

[Purusha]

Does it matter that he's no longer interested?

 

How interested are you in this behaviour?

 

If you want him to keep behaving like this towards you, keep contacting him, if you don't, draw the line and move on.

 

If you keep lining yourself up, he'll keep delivering.

[Redabc123]

Does it matter that he's no longer interested?

 

How interested are you in this behaviour?

 

If you want him to keep behaving like this towards you, keep contacting him, if you don't, draw the line and move on.

 

If you keep lining yourself up, he'll keep delivering.

 

Not interested in his behavior at all I have never had someone ignore me, I'm just confused as to why he didnt just say hey I'm interested when I asked

[Purusha]

I understand how you feel, but the bottom line really is that he's acting like a d*ck and if you keep going back for more he'll give you more of the same.

 

It sounds very much like he's playing a juvenile game, and you can either take part or not.

[Redabc123]

I understand how you feel, but the bottom line really is that he's acting like a d*ck and if you keep going back for more he'll give you more of the same.

 

It sounds very much like he's playing a juvenile game, and you can either take part or not.

 

Your right, I definitely won't text/call anymore but for future reference do men do this for an ego boost, why not be a man and say hey I'm not interested... Has this been done to you?

[Purusha]

I've had similar behaviour before (of many interesting variations!), and I get that it's incredibly frustrating because you want to know what the problem is and if it's something that you can sort out (assuming rationality where there is none evident so far).

 

However, acknowledgement that what they're doing is unreasonable and that it's something that you won't put up with is the way forward, and that in knowing that you can make your decision.

 

Especially if you've only been on a few dates with this guy it's an early warning of this kind of behaviour, in my experience it's a control or power game and a result of their insecurity that they won't deal with. Going forward, it invariably gets worse as you can't solve it for him, he needs to sort it out himself (preferably without you in the firing line).

[Redabc123]

I've had similar behaviour before (of many interesting variations!), and I get that it's incredibly frustrating because you want to know what the problem is and if it's something that you can sort out (assuming rationality where there is none evident so far).

 

However, acknowledgement that what they're doing is unreasonable and that it's something that you won't put up with is the way forward, and that in knowing that you can make your decision.

 

Especially if you've only been on a few dates with this guy it's an early warning of this kind of behaviour, in my experience it's a control or power game and a result of their insecurity that they won't deal with. Going forward, it invariably gets worse as you can't solve it for him, he needs to sort it out himself (preferably without you in the firing line).

 

I wish I read this yesterday before I embarrassed myself, it's a sucky feeling even if I only new him for a month. Knowing he probably won't contact me again, from your experience was this a game the whole time, what signs should I look for

[Purusha]

Don't be embarrassed, you were being honest and doing what you thought best, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that - it's him who needs to be embarrassed about being so silly.

 

I doubt it was a game the whole time, it just sounds like he blows things out of proportion and uses it as a method for you to give him lots of attention trying to find out what's wrong and how to deal with it. Just because he's behaved like an (insert expletive) doesn't mean he wasn't interested, it just begs the question of whether or not this is behaviour you want in your life.

 

Signs? How much time have you got?! Seriously, there are hundreds of books on various different things, there's such huge variation.

 

The only thing I think is important is you defining what you want and what you don't want, and that only really comes with experience and meeting people.

 

One thing that I would say in any situation is don't let other people's reaction to you define your behaviour - be who you are, and if they try to get you to change, really think about whether or not it's a change you want to make and whether it's in your best interests.

 

Don't make changes to please other people as your individuality is the greatest gift you've got and is worth protecting.

 

In this situation, that translates as not worrying about what he's thinking - what's your reaction to his behaviour? Is it reasonable? Does it make you feel good or bad? In your eyes, is there anything that you've done wrong or have you been fair?

 

Be open to other's opinions, but allow yourself to make the final decision on who you are and what's best for you to do.

 

That includes people like me ranting on a forum.

[Tanzi]

I did text him which wasn't smart, but I thought it was worth a try, he of course ignored me, but I'm learning from this. What I don't understand is instead of ignoring me why didnt he just answer me and say he was no longer interested.. Why draw it out?

 

Because he is a coward. Because he is being selfish - it is easier for him to ignore you than to get involved in a discussion about it. Two more reasons why you should be grateful you dodged this bullet!!

[Redabc123]

Because he is a coward. Because he is being selfish - it is easier for him to ignore you than to get involved in a discussion about it. Two more reasons why you should be grateful you dodged this bullet!!

 

Thanks your right

[Batya33]

I wish I read this yesterday before I embarrassed myself, it's a sucky feeling even if I only new him for a month. Knowing he probably won't contact me again, from your experience was this a game the whole time, what signs should I look for

 

As I wrote on at least one of your other threads resist the urge to rely on texting to discuss anything except making or confirming plans or perhaps a quick "hello". You're being passive and inviting miscommunication and inviting this kind of passivity and game playing. Obviously his behavior isn't appropriate either but you'll screen out people who play these kinds of games by stopping all this texting.

[Redabc123]

You need to be my dating coach, the only positive thing is that we really enjoyed each others company there was no drama until now, even though I was constantly on here posting there was no pressure, which adds to my confusion as to why he would mess that up, but it could have very well been an out. I have been in to many bad relationships to even drag this on. Of course I would have appreciated a text or call saying " I don't think we should see each other anymore" whether or not it would have sucked I would have had clarity. I don't think I deserve to be treated this way even if its him just ignoring me.

[lemondust]

I did text him which wasn't smart, but I thought it was worth a try, he of course ignored me, but I'm learning from this. What I don't understand is instead of ignoring me why didnt he just answer me and say he was no longer interested.. Why draw it out?

 

I've been in this sort of situation with someone who does the ignoring thing....it is frustrating beyond words, but that's why I say to be firm with men like this from the get go, and if they start to behave in a way that is immature, then point it out and tell them it stops or things go no further.

 

You text him and he didn't answer....what did you say in the text?

[Batya33]

I do think after 7 dates he should tell you that he doesn't want to see you anymore but as one of my friend's wives said some years ago, until you're dating at least two months it's not really meaningful as far as what the future holds (i.e. whether you have some sort of understanding that you're going to be dating on a regular basis). Therefore I'd try to get less invested this early on and I'd also make sure to have far more direct communication because your approach is far too passive -hiding behind a computer screen doesn't let you get to know someone in any relevant way and risks creating the kinds of problems you had here.

[Redabc123]

I've been in this sort of situation with someone who does the ignoring thing....it is frustrating beyond words, but that's why I say to be firm with men like this from the get go, and if they start to behave in a way that is immature, then point it out and tell them it stops or things go no further.

 

You text him and he didn't answer....what did you say in the text?

 

On Friday after he texted me back and said I didn't miss him I asked if we were still on for that evening since we made plans..he read it and ignored it so I texted him the next day and asked why he was ignoring me and if he no longer wanted to continue hanging out... Which he ignored

[Redabc123]

I do think after 7 dates he should tell you that he doesn't want to see you anymore but as one of my friend's wives said some years ago, until you're dating at least two months it's not really meaningful as far as what the future holds (i.e. whether you have some sort of understanding that you're going to be dating on a regular basis). Therefore I'd try to get less invested this early on and I'd also make sure to have far more direct communication because your approach is far too passive -hiding behind a computer screen doesn't let you get to know someone in any relevant way and risks creating the kinds of problems you had here.

 

I agree with you but since we started off communicating that way and not knowing if he was a phone person I continued on with texting not wanting to force anything and hoped things like talking on the phone would progress naturally , he should have told me he didn't want to see me anymore so I agree, he has been honest and straightforward before which is another reason why I'm confused